


Paso Doble

by Arionrhod, McKay



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-05 00:43:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 80,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11002404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arionrhod/pseuds/Arionrhod, https://archiveofourown.org/users/McKay/pseuds/McKay
Summary: Non-magical AU. Remus and Severus dance around each other literally and figuratively as they compete in a televised dance competition.





	1. Severus's Audition

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2008.

It was, Severus thought, quite possibly the stupidest thing he'd ever done in his life. Considering his life thus far, that was saying a lot.

He watched as the tall, leggy blonde woman made her way down the line of screaming people, a microphone clutched in her hand and a camera man trailing in her wake. She was attractive enough, he supposed, if one liked that kind of look, but Severus was indifferent to it. He was more interested in sneering at the fangirl/fanboy reactions from the people around him as they called out to her, waving, doing tricks, and blowing kisses in a bid to get her attention. Even Lily was jumping up and down like an idiot rather than behaving in her normally calm, refined manner, and so Severus pulled the hood of his sweatshirt down further over his face and stepped back against the wall of the building they were waiting to enter, trying to fade into the background. Considering that he was quite a bit taller than most of the people around him, that wasn't easy.

"Severus, look, here she comes!" Lily turned around, her green eyes sparkling, her red hair a brilliant cloud around her face, a shout of color on a cold, dreary day. She was, of course, the only reason he was out here standing in a long, long line of people with more hope than brains, all of whom seemed to consider themselves the most talented person on the planet. Almost all of them were painfully wrong, and by the end of the day, he had no doubt most of them would be gibbering masses of insecurity choking on their own shattered self-delusions. 

Lily really did have talent, which was why he had put aside his own aversion to such a moronic undertaking and agreed to come along to the auditions, offering protection as well as a sardonic sort of moral support. Not that Severus was any good at comforting or platitudes, but Lily was fond of him, and he, quite grudgingly, admitted to a certain regard for her that might be called friendship, if Severus Snape were the kind of person to have friends. He was many things, but no one in their right minds, even Lily, would claim that "personable" was one of them.

"Oh, joy," he said, crossing his arms over his chest and giving a snort of annoyance. "No doubt this is the most exciting thing that has ever happened in my life."

The deadpan tone of his voice didn't quell the excitement of the people around him. "Oh, me too!" a vapid looking female with dyed purple hair squealed in response to his remark, and he rolled his eyes as Lily laughed outright.

"Come on, let yourself go with it," Lily said, smacking him playfully on the arm. 

She was the only one who would dare to take such liberties with him, permitted only because of their long acquaintance. They were from vastly different backgrounds, but had attended the same schools all of their lives, where both of them were a bit like fish out of water. No doubt that had been what had drawn together the surly, perpetual chip-on-his-shoulder son of an unemployed steel worker and the daughter of a minister - a shared intelligence that intimidated other people, puzzled their parents, and set them apart from their peers. 

"When have I ever let myself go along with the misbegotten sheep?" Severus asked, his tone haughty, although lacking the biting sarcasm he tended to use with other people. "Go on, enjoy yourself, if that's what's you're doing. Personally, I don't think my eardrums will ever be the same again."

Lily rolled her eyes and went back to waving and calling out to the blonde woman, who was making her way slowly down the line, chatting with people while the camera rolled. When she reached Lily and stopped to chat, Lily answered the questions about why she was auditioning, and he listened closely, wondering if she would be completely honest about it. Not that it was really anyone's business, really, but while Lily tended to wear her heart on her sleeve, there were some things even she held back. She smiled, rambling on about her training in ballet and jazz and her desire to know if she was really good enough to make it professionally, but never mentioning the deeper, more personal reasons why she had come.

"And what about you?"

The bright blue eyes of the woman, Kate Healey, a former model turned hostess of the dance show, were suddenly fixed on Severus. He looked back at her, then his gaze slid to Lily, whose eyes were dancing with amusement. "What about me?" he drawled, not pushing away from his position against the wall.

"Do you dance?" she asked, tilting her head to one side, obviously a bit puzzled about his attitude, which didn't concern him in the slightest.

"Yes." 

There was moment of silence as she blinked, seeming taken aback by his short, clipped answer after the gushing from all the other contestants. "Oh," she managed, then smiled. "Are you any good?" It was almost a challenge, and he mentally gave her a point for the come back.

"Yes." This time, he let a small smirk accompany the word.

"Care to prove it?" That was definitely a challenge, and Severus was aware of the people nearby watching him expectantly. Everyone wanted to show off for the camera, and he could hear jealous murmurings flowing all about him like a whisper of leaves through trees. 

It was definitely an unusual situation for Severus to be in, as the object of interest and envy. He didn't want to do anything to prove to these cattle that he could dance circles around all of them - that wasn't why he was here - but he simply couldn't back down from the look in Kate's eyes, which was both a dare and a hint of interest. He glanced at Lily, who looked surprised, before she nodded slowly.

"Oh, all right," he grumbled, pushing off from the wall with the air of someone who was being inordinately put upon. People stepped back to give him room, not knowing what he was going to do. Neither did he, really, but he didn't let that stop him. His moves were all his own, and he could move his body as well as he could solve mathematical equations or unravel the mysteries of covalent bonding. 

When he had enough space, Severus suddenly dropped to the ground in a lightning fast move that caused those around him to gasp. Shoulders to the pavement, he began to spin, then with a deft twist, he had one hand under himself, flipping his body around that single point while his legs remained in the air, kicking in an intricate pattern. Then he froze, legs above his head, still balanced perfectly on one hand, and held the pose for several moments before pushing off that same hand and landing lightly on his feet in a move that had cat-like grace, before executing a split-legged leap that seemed to defy gravity. Touching down, he brushed off his hands and looked at the woman, who was smiling at him. 

"Proof enough?" he asked, raising a brow.

"Definitely," she answered, and he was rather gratified by the admiration in her tone. What he did wasn't quite breakdancing or hip hop, nor was it gymnastics, although it had elements of all those things, plus elements of anything else he liked and could work in to his routines. Even a bit of ballet picked up from watching Lily. "You're quite good! I'm sure the judges will be excited to see you during the auditions."

Severus snorted again. "I'm not here to audition! You simply asked if I danced and if I'm any good."

"You aren't?" Confused, the woman looked back at the cameraman, who shrugged. "Then why are you here, waiting in this line, if it's not to try out for the show?"

"I came because she asked me to," he replied, tilting his chin in Lily's direction as he resumed his casual pose against the wall. "That's all."

"I see." Severus fancied he saw disappointment in the woman's eyes, but he didn't give a damn about that. He wasn't here to audition for any stupid show with a bunch of screaming girls and arrogant twit males. He danced for himself, for reasons that he didn't share with anyone, not even Lily. She was the performing arts major at their college; he was studying chemistry, needing the hard science as a challenge for his intellect. "Well, if you should change your mind, I think you might be pleased at the results." Then with a nod and another smile, she was heading off down the line of young people again, all of whom dismissed Severus as a passing interest and were again clamoring for her attention.

Content to be left alone once more, Severus felt Lily come up beside him, leaning back against the wall at his side. "Maybe you should try it," she said quietly. "You're good. You know it, I know it. Why shouldn't everyone else? I'd kill to be able to do what you do so easily!"

"What do I care about what everyone thinks?" he asked, his mood turning a bit morose. He could kick himself for having given in and done it, but he just wasn't the type who could back down.

"Maybe you do, maybe you don't," Lily began, then shrugged as he shot her A Look. "Come on, Severus, this is me here, so drop the aloof act and listen. If she liked you that much, maybe the judges would, too. I know you don't want to dance for a career, but think about what might happen if you could actually make it on the show? Money, Severus... money to finish your schooling instead of you having to work a job on the side and tutor as well! Isn't it worth taking a chance? If you really don't care about the outcome, what's the harm in trying? It's not like anything the judges say is going to change who or what you are."

She had a point. Not that Severus thought he could make it, not really. He didn't have the bubbly personality or the good looks that stupid television shows seemed to want. Talent, yes, he had that in abundance, but no one was ever going to accuse him of being congenial. But if he could get money out of this, it might be worth all the idiocy. College wasn't cheap, and he desperately wanted to finish up so that he could get away from the drudgery of tutoring and into a full time job.

"I'll think about it," he said gruffly. "Don't get your hopes up, though. Even if I do audition, we both know that I don't stand a chance in hell of making it."

"Wanna bet?" Lily crossed her arms over her chest, staring down Severus with no sign of giving an inch. "In fact... I _will_ bet you that they love you, and you'll get passed on to the next round in Las Vegas. I'm so sure of it that if you're not, I'll handle all your tutoring assignments for the rest of the semester!"

"What in the hell?" Severus shook his head, thinking that his friend had lost her mind. It was obviously a ruse to get him to go through with the audition, but he had nothing to lose. He didn't care what the judges thought of him, and since he knew he wouldn't be passed on, he stood to gain some actual free time with Lily handling his tutoring. He'd hold her to it, too; people should never make idiotic bets unless they were prepared to back them up. "Fine. I'll do it, and when it's all over, you'll have the joy of handling my moronic students for the next three months."

"Good." Lily nodded, then smirked, as evil an expression as Severus had ever seen. "But I get something if I'm right, too."

"What is that?" Severus asked, eyes narrowed in suspicion. 

"You'll go out on a date with a person of my choosing." Lily giggled as Severus sputtered, his eyes widening in horror. "It's not that bad, now is it? Come on, Severus, I won't set you up with someone you won't like - meaning no girls. But it's high time you had more of a social life, and this might be the only chance I ever get of getting past that steel armor of yours and showing you that you might enjoy it. Take the bet... what have you got to lose?"

"A lot more than I did thirty seconds ago," Severus growled. Still, he knew Lily wouldn't win, so what did it matter what stupid terms she set? "Okay, have it your way! Meddling female!"

"Yes, dear," Lily said serenely. He could tell from her expression that she was certain she was right, and for a moment, he considered getting up on the stage and deliberately throwing the audition. But he wouldn't... he had too much pride, and Lily knew it.

A muffled "hmphf!" was all Severus could manage in reply.


	2. Remus's Audition

Remus watched Kate Healey stroll down the line of eager contestant wanna-bes and hoped she passed him by; he wasn't particularly shy, but he didn't like drawing attention to himself or having attention drawn to him. Blending in was what he did best, and he'd made an art form out of it. But despite his attempts to appear inconspicuous and uninteresting, she approached him nonetheless, greeting him with a bright smile and a cheery hello.

"What's your name and where are you from?" she asked, holding out the microphone.

"Remus Lupin," he replied, his voice a soft drawl. "I'm from Deer Lick, Oklahoma."

"Oo, so you've come all the way to Dallas to audition?"

"Yes ma'am."

Laughing, she slipped one arm around his shoulders. "I'm not a ma'am yet, I hope!"

He laughed with her, a little abashed, and tried to avoid looking directly into the camera.

"All right, Remus, tell us what your specialty is." She looked him up and down. "I'll take a guess that you aren't a break-dancer."

"No, ma-" He cut himself off and grinned. "No, I'm majoring in dance, and my specialties are Contemporary and jazz."

"And where do you go to school?"

"The University of Oklahoma," he replied, and there was an outcry of "Go, Sooners!" behind him, garnering a startled laugh from the others standing around; Remus turned and waved at the fellow Sooner fans, smiling broadly.

"And what would it mean for you to be on the show?" she asked.

Remus thought about not having to return to his tiny hometown with a useless degree, about being able to create a successful career in dance, about being able to perform and maybe later teach, about being able to do what he loved all the time and not just as an extra-curricular activity relegated to his spare time. He thought about being free for the first time in his life.

"Everything," he answered at last. "It would mean everything."

Kate seemed to see the fervent honest in his eyes, because she smiled warmly and gave him a little squeeze before releasing him. "Then I wish you luck," she said, and then she moved on, leaving Remus to wait alone in line once more and hope he had a ticket to Las Vegas in his hand at the end of the day.


	3. Vegas — Hip-Hop Round

Remus valiantly bit back a groan when it was announced that the first round of auditions in Vegas would be hip-hop choreography. He wasn't certain whether he ought to be grateful to get his weakest style over with first or to pray with all the fervency he could muster that he wasn't eliminated in the very first round. He hadn't come all this way to be cut so soon, and he was determined to practice until he dropped in order to get through the hip-hop round.

Trying to learn the choreography while jammed on-stage with dozens of other dancers was a challenge, but he did his best to tune out the sweating bodies jostling against him and the frustrated grunts and curses punctuating each step as they all struggled to keep up with the choreographer, a man who was one of the best hip-hop choreographers in the business. He focused on learning the moves, and once he had the routine memorized, he tried to loosen up and not dance like the classically trained, so-not-a-street-dancer white boy he was.

The one advantage he had was that he'd asked a friend in the dance department who _did_ have experience in the genre to help him prepare. He'd seen the show, and he knew being strong in one style wasn't nearly enough. He might be considered one of the best Contemporary dancers in the department and one of the better Jazz dancers, but he needed to master other styles as well - or at least be able to fake it plausibly.

Thus, he'd gotten help in both hip-hop and ballroom from friends before heading off to Vegas, and he felt a little better than he would have if he'd gone in cold.

By the time his group was called on-stage to perform, he was warmed-up and relaxed. Well, as relaxed as he could be with butterflies the size of dinner plates in his stomach. The audition in Dallas had been nerve-wracking, but if he hadn't made it there, it wouldn't have been as devastating as it would be if he was cut here, so close to reaching his goal. Days of intense, rigorous auditions stood between him and the show, but he was trying to forget everything that lay ahead and focus on the here and now. One audition at a time. If he could get through this one, he felt reasonably certain he could handle the rest, and his chances of making it to the top twenty would be pretty good.

The music started, and Remus drew in a deep breath as he began counting beats in his head, waiting for the musical cue to start moving. The judges' table was lit up, visible from the stage, but he ignored it; if he thought about who was watching and what they would be doing as soon as the music stopped, he might psych himself out.

The choreography demanded a lot of crisp movement and hard "popping", something Remus had practiced under the critical eye of his friend until he got it right. Or at least got it good enough not to disgrace himself. He was too accustomed to moving fluidly, and this sharp style of dance was foreign to him, but he let himself get caught up in the beat and tried to let go of his training and "get down and dirty", as his friend had advised.

It seemed like an eternity before the routine ended and the music stopped, and Remus braced his hands on his knees, panting and sweating, as he waited for the judges to decide the fate of his group.

From his position in the audience, waiting for his turn on stage, Severus watched the dancers on stage going through the rather challenging hip-hop routine. It wasn't going to give _him_ any trouble, of course, but out of the first few groups, nearly a third had been cut.

He'd not bothered to watch his rivals perform, choosing instead to sit in his seat quietly, eyes closed as he relaxed, unconcerned about his chances. But when he heard Lily's group called up for their turn, he couldn't help but pay attention; she'd gotten him into this situation, after all, and she'd damned well better get past this round or he was going to give her hell. They could both flub out later on the idiotic ballroom routine or something, but if she shamed him after he'd tutored her in his own style, he wasn't going to let her ever live it down.

Up on the stage, the dancers were in position, Lily near one side of the group, which seemed to be made up most of the sissy Contemporary types. Severus snorted, crossing his arms over his chest as the music began and the dancers moved, but he could tell within the first eight beats that Lily was "on". Her normally lyrical movements were as short and sharp as the routine demanded, and he nodded to himself, pleased with her efforts. 

His attention strayed from his friend as curiosity overtook him - or perhaps it was simply the fascination of watching a train wreck in progress. It was as bad as he had feared, and he snorted derisively as his eyes moved down the row of dancers, most of whom were flailing as they tried and failed to get into the groove. One long-limbed young man looked like a stork trying to take flight, while a dark-haired girl was only half-heartedly going through the motions, a full beat behind everyone else. 

Then his eyes came to one of the last dancers in the row, a broad-shouldered man of average height, with short, dark-blond hair and exceptionally toned arms and legs. Were he not such a walking advertisement for baseball and apple pie, Severus might actually have thought he was attractive, and he was going through the steps of the dance with something that could almost be considered competence. Too bad he was probably as straight as the proverbial arrow; an ass like that was wasted on someone who would probably beat Severus up just for admiring it.

Remus' heart was pounding against the walls of his chest - and not just from exertion. He could see the judges huddled together as they deliberated and cast speculative glances at the nervous dancers. At last, the judges sat back in their seats, and Clive spoke up, reeling off a few identifying numbers. Remus' heart lurched when he realized one of the numbers was his, and he stepped forward along with three other people: two other young men and a pretty red-haired young woman.

"Those of you in the front row have all made it through to the next round. The rest of you, I'm sorry, but you will not be continuing in this competition," Clive said, giving the row of rejects a sympathetic smile.

For a moment, the world froze as Remus struggled to make sense of Clive's words. The front row had made it. He was in the front row...

He made it!

Remus' breath escaped his lungs in a rush, and he couldn't hold back a shaky laugh of pure relief. He had survived this round, and only his carefully honed sense of decorum kept him from whooping and hollering and leaping off the stage joyously. Instead he smiled at the other three who had made it and murmured his congratulations before heading off-stage to get a seat in the auditorium so he could watch the rest of the groups.

Lily's group was leaving the stage - Lily having made it, giving Severus a huge grin and a thumbs up as she walked down the stairs - and Severus heard his group summoned for their turn. He stood, sauntering toward the stage with easy confidence, his long-legged strides bringing him rapidly toward the blond hunk. As he passed by the other man, he raised a brow, deliberately allowing his bare arm to brush against the hunk's warm, sweaty one, then not even looking back as he mounted the steps and took his position on the stage.

He'd danced in front of two of the judges at his audition in Atlanta - Clive, the strange Brit who alternated between being sarcastic and oddly nice, and Maria, whose screaming annoyed Severus so much he wanted to smack her, even when she was praising him - and the third was their choreographer for this piece, who was best able to judge how the performers were doing. Severus looked at them with no hint of nervousness, and then as the music started, he moved with it as naturally as breathing, his body hitting every beat perfectly.

As Remus took a seat in the auditorium, he felt his arm still tingling from the casual brush of the tall young man's arm. He'd been so wrapped up in giddy relief, he hadn't noticed the other man at first, not until they touched, but then he glanced back, hesitating. He wondered if he ought to apologize, but it had been a light graze, not a bump, so he supposed apologizing wasn't necessary. It was, he thought wryly, a holdover from high school when bumping into someone in the hall was often a prelude to a fight, but he wasn't in a high school hallway with the air charged with testosterone and fragile male egos bristling with the need to display proof of manliness.

He rubbed his arm absently as he watched the next group file on-stage, and his gaze wandered to the young man who'd brushed against him. Tall, dark haired. His nose was too big for his narrow face, but Remus found that oddly appealing. He let his gaze wander down the young man's body, noting the confident stance. The black tank top the young man wore revealed slender but well-toned arms, and even baggy sweatpants couldn't hide the length of the young man's legs.

As the group began to dance, Remus watched the young man, admiring his technique along with his body. Obviously, this was one of the hip-hop dancers, and Remus idly wondered if he was trained or if he was a street dancer with no formal training. In watching, Remus could see how his own performance had fallen flat in comparison, but at least it had been good enough for the judges, and unless he missed his guess, this young man would pass through to the next round too.

The routine ended, and Severus stopped, a sheen of sweat on his forehead and his breath coming quickly, although he wasn't drained and panting like most of the others on the stage. He waited quietly, but without concern; he'd already lost that stupid bet to Lily, and now he was going on just for the sake of pride. He didn't like to lose, however, and even though it wouldn't devastate him the way it did some of the others, he'd still be rather put out if he was cut, especially in this round.

When the numbers were called and the cuts made, however, Severus wasn't one of those going home, and he allowed himself the luxury of a small smirk of satisfaction before hopping down from the stage. His eyes found the hunk in the audience, and he met the man's gaze for a moment before heading up the aisle and out of the auditorium. He didn't care to wait around and see the rest of the auditions, which would go on for another hour at least. He was going to have a drink, then go up to his room and get a book so that he didn't die of boredom. They had a meeting scheduled for after the auditions were over for the day, but until then, his time was his own, and he was going to enjoy a moment of solitude - and if he indulged in a few moments of fantasizing about the hunk, it was nobody's business but his own.


	4. Vegas — Contemporary Round

Contemporary dance, Severus thought, was about as useful and entertaining as cutting a lawn with nail clippers.

He should have known that after lucking out with hip-hop on the first day, all subsequent days were going to be things in which he had little experience and even less interest. Jazz wouldn't have been too bad, though, and even the Latin ballroom dances would have had music with a beat, but this idiotic style was as moronic as the choreographer teaching it, and that, in Severus' opinion, was pretty damned moronic.

" _Feel_ the movement! You are the wind, you are a butterfly... you are as light as a feather blown on the breeze! Now bend... and turn... and leap! Oh yes, can't you feel the music?"

All Severus felt was nauseated. 

Unfortunately, his damnable sense of pride wasn't going to allow him to walk out on this one, and he set his jaw with grim determination and repeated the steps again and again. Fortunately, he was blessed with a certain amount of grace in spite of his height, and he was a quick study, in tune with his own body. Lily was also a help, offering him a few quick tips as they practiced off-stage. He was relieved when his group was called first, and if he mounted the steps with a trifle less confidence than he had the previous day, well, he was the only one who would know.

The dance had very little to do with the beat of the music, so Severus shut the music out completely, focusing instead on counting to himself and executing each step as well as he could. He could see that he was keeping up with the others in his line fairly well. One thing he was quite good at were the leaps, and he put extra energy into them, hoping that his height and extension would help the judges to overlook any parts where he was less than perfect.

When it was over, he stopped, winded and oddly exhausted, but he kept his posture straight and didn't drop his gaze to the floor as did so many others. Instead he sought out Lily, who nodded and smiled at him, and he almost sagged then, as a relief he didn't want to admit to surged through him. He didn't even really care if the judges passed him on to the next round; he'd not humiliated himself, and that was all that really mattered.

"Numbers three-seven-two, one-four-six, and seven-eight-one, please step forward," Clive called out, and Severus nodded tersely to himself. His number hadn't been called, which meant that he would be leaving. Well, he'd done what Lily asked, and that...

"First row, I'm sorry, we won't be keeping you. Second row, you're all through to the next round."

Severus blinked, surprised for the first time in the competition. He'd made it? Really?

"You can leave the stage now," Clive said with a trace of humor in his voice, and Severus realized with a start that all the others were gone, and he was standing alone in the lights. He nodded once, then turned to walk down the stairs, keeping his eyes down and hoping no one would see the flush that rose on his pale cheeks.

Remus told himself it was merely professional curiosity that compelled him to watch the dark-haired young man perform. Naturally, he wondered how a hip-hop dancer would fare with a Contemporary routine; there was nothing unusual about that. He _told_ himself that, but he had never been good at self-deception, even if he'd managed to fool countless others, and he knew he was watching because he was fascinated by the man himself.

If Remus hadn't been one lone dancer in a crowd of others, all of whom were caught up in their own personal drama of hope, despair, fatigue, and exultation, he would have been more careful, but he knew no one was paying attention to him or reading anything into his actions. He could watch a group of dancers, and it wouldn't seem out of the ordinary; others were watching too, sizing up the competition. There was nothing to indicate Remus wasn't doing the same thing.

As long as he limited it to looking, he would be all right. Looking wouldn't hurt. Looking wouldn't damage his carefully constructed persona. Looking was far more frustrating than fulfilling, but it was better than nothing.

From his seat in the auditorium, Remus could watch the performance, and he couldn't help critique it even as he admired the lithe grace of the young man's body and the impressive height of his jumps. It was obvious the young man was as out of his element as Remus had been the day before, but he held his own, displaying surprising versatility. When the routine was over, Remus held his breath, hoping the young man made it through, and he smiled slightly when the young man was given a pass. His smile widened at the young man's visible surprise - the first emotion he'd seen other than intensity or disdain on that solemn face.

Pushing himself to his feet, he headed backstage to join his own group. He wasn't nearly as apprehensive as he had been over the previous audition, but he still intended to pull out all the stops; it would be the height of humiliation to be cut in this round, when Contemporary was his area of specialization.

Severus was still in a bit of shock, but he shook it off, finally lifting his eyes as he reached the bottom of the stairs. Strangely enough, his gaze immediately encountered the hunk, and Severus allowed his gaze to wander over that attractively toned body. He didn't know why he seemed drawn to this man in particular, when there were dozens of toned, talented males in the competition, but it didn't really matter, anyway. Mr. Straight wasn't about to look at anything without boobs.

Then his eyes fell on the hunk's feet - narrow, bare feet, slender and delicate and bizarrely attractive - and Severus drew in his breath. He never knew that he had a thing for feet, not until now, and it wasn't exactly a comfortable realization. No doubt he was still a bit off balance over that idiotic audition, and so he raised his eyes to the hunk's, deliberately offering a him a haughty look down the length of his nose. 

"Have fun being a butterfly," he drawled, then headed off toward the seats, deciding for no particular reason to stay and watch the hunk dance.

Remus was surprised when the young man actually spoke to him, and while the scathing words amused him - he hadn't been enamored by the routine either, despite the fact that Trelawney was one of the best known Contemporary choreographers in the country - he was struck more by the young man's voice. Deep and smooth, like a rich mocha or melted dark chocolate. Which happened to be two of Remus' favorite things.

But he had an audition ahead of him, and he pushed all thoughts of handsomely hawkish young men with edible voices from his mind as he walked out onto the stage. Once the music started, the rest of the world faded, and Remus lost himself in the dance; he pushed his body to its limits as he threw himself into the performance. Wind, butterfly - it was nonsense, but he created his own understanding of the dance and matching it to the music, wanting to prove that he wasn't just another Contemporary dancer. He was the best on the stage, the one they needed to take all the way.

When the music ended, he was exhausted but elated, and he faced the judges proudly even as he gulped for air. Fortunately, the judges were quick to make their decision about who would stay and who would go.

"Number two-sixty-four and number one-seventy-three, you are both moving on to the next round," Clive announced tersely. "The rest of you will not be moving on. I'm sorry."

Remus glanced around at the rest of his group and swallowed hard. The judges were being ruthless in whittling down the ranks; out of over two hundred dancers, almost half were already gone. He'd known it would be a tough competition, but watching so many of his fellow contestants walk away, some stoic and some already in tears, drove it home just how difficult it would be to make it to the end.

"Thank God." The girl who had been accepted with him was almost in tears herself, albeit tears of relief, and he slid his arm across her shoulders as they walked off-stage, giving her a companionable squeeze. "I can't believe I made it!"

"Two levels of hell down, five more to go," Remus teased, coaxing a watery laugh out of her.

Severus watched the dance with interest, not even bothering to look at anyone save the hunk, and he grudgingly admitted the man was good. Very good, even. He had a natural sense of movement and an awareness of the lines of his body, and the fluid grace to bring it all off. It hadn't been as apparent in the hip-hop routine, perhaps because he had been nervous, but now that he was in his own style, Severus could see that he was indeed very, very talented. Not only that, he danced like a man, with strength and purpose and not a hint of femininity, and Severus felt a surge of hunger, an attraction deeper than he'd felt for anyone in a long time.

Then when it was all over and the hunk had made it to the next round, the bastard wasted no time before hitting on the female who'd also passed. The fact that it was Lily only made Severus' sudden, unexpected bitterness all the more acute.

There was no excuse for it, really; he'd been under no illusions that the man could possibly be gay, and yet being confronted by direct evidence still felt like a punch in the gut. Angrily Severus brushed away the feeling; he had no right to feel this way, and he didn't _want_ to feel this way, to admit that the hunk had managed to get under his skin without them ever having a conversation. But it wasn't the first time he'd felt attraction for someone who was so obviously straight, and he stood up, his temper directed more at himself than the object of his interest.

He'd barely stepped into the aisle, intent on escaping up to his room where he could snarl in peace, when Lily called out his name. 

"Severus! I made it!" she laughed, shrugging off the hunk's arm with an apologetic smile and running lightly up the aisle to fling herself against Severus, hugging him hard. 

No doubt it was an excess of relief that made her do such a thing, and normally, he would have set her back firmly on her own feet, since public displays of affection were not something he relished, even from his best friend. But since he was certain that the hunk must be looking at them, he did something completely out of character, wrapping his arms around Lily and giving her a brief hug in return.

"Congratulations," he purred, voice loud enough for the hunk to hear. "We'll have to celebrate, won't we?"

"Yes!" she said, stepping back and offering him an apologetic look for the hug. "I'm just so relieved!"

"As am I. Apparently your tutoring paid off," he replied. "Come on, I'll buy you something to drink before we have to come back and listen to the pronouncements from on high. I have the horrible feeling tomorrow will be ballroom, and if it's something like a waltz, I'm going to need your help."

Lily nodded, and for a moment, Severus felt bad for using her to poke at the hunk. But only for a moment, and he lifted his eyes to look back and see how the other man was taking the fact that Severus had so easily stolen the female he was interested in. Not that he really had, of course, but that was an inconsequential detail.

Remus watched the pair walk away with the look of placid amiability he'd cultivated over the years firmly in place; it was the mask he always wore to cover any emotion he didn't want seen, and in this case, it was hiding a pang of disappointment. Severus. The young man's name was Severus. And he was straight.

Not that it mattered anyway, Remus reminded himself sternly. As far as the rest of the world knew, so was he, and that was how it had to stay. He hadn't spent so much time fostering the illusion of heterosexuality just to throw it away on a whim. It was for the best that Severus was off-limits; at least this way, Remus wouldn't be tempted to do something stupid by the wayward urges of his own hormones, especially since he had no real guarantee that what happened in Vegas, stayed in Vegas.

"Congratulations to you both," he called out to their retreating backs, and then he too turned and walked away, ready to change out of his sweaty clothes and relax before the judges threw some new form of torture at them all.


	5. Vegas — Group Choreography

Despite Severus' dire prediction, the next day wasn't ballroom, but something almost as bad - group choreography. Working with a single partner might have been bearable, had Lily been that partner, but this was made up of five dancers, and it was his damnable luck that he'd managed to end up in the same group as the hunk. 

Hanging back, Severus stood silently as the group was waiting its turn to be assigned music. He had no formal training in choreography, of course, but he'd been doing his own ever since he'd started dancing. It was different, however, to manage the dynamics of a group, especially when it called for tact and a certain amount of ego stroking so that the special little snowflakes could all feel like they'd had their say. Severus was many things, but he certainly wasn't what anyone would call a people person, and so he held his tongue for the moment rather than risk alienating everyone in his group. He supposed it shouldn't matter to him anyway, but for some reason it did, and he wasn't able to give anything less than his best effort. So he decided to save up his snark for when it was really needed, rather than wasting it all at once. 

Leaning against the wall, he surreptitiously watched the hunk from under his lashes, admiring the lines of his body. He might not be able to touch, but he could certainly look, and he found he was enjoying looking a great deal, even when one of the girls in the group turned around and caught him at it, before she laughed and shook her head. 

"Severus, don't you have anything to say? Don't you care what kind of music we get?" she asked. Ana-Marie, that was her name, not that Severus really cared.

"Not particularly," he replied, shrugging his shoulders. "We get what we get. Hoping and wishing will make no difference as to the outcome, any more than it did for which group we were placed in. I'll deal with whatever it is when the time comes."

Remus smiled and moved forward, extending his hand. "It's Severus, isn't it?" he asked, hoping he correctly remembered the name that red-haired girl had called out to the young man. "That's a very Zen attitude. Good for you. There isn't any point stressing over something we can't do anything about."

After the incident with Lily the previous day, Severus was surprised that the hunk - whose name he hadn't caught, despite listening for it - would speak to him, much less offer to shake hands. Severus gave him a narrowed-eyed look of suspicion; he'd been the butt of jokes from pretty boys all during school, making him wary of any overly enthusiastic gestures of friendship, even when accompanied by a flash of pale blue eyes and a smile that was just short of knocking Severus on his ass. His first instinct was to ignore that outstretched hand, but then common sense prevailed; none of them would get to the next round if they started fighting already.

Holding out his hand, he enveloped the hunk's hand with his long, slender fingers, pressing it briefly and doing his best to ignore the tingle of contact-shock he felt from that simple touch. His nostrils flared for a moment, before he pulled his hand back, crossing his arms over his chest and staring at the other man down the length of his nose. 

"Yes, that's my name," he confirmed briefly. "And my attitude has nothing to do with Zen, and everything to do with survival. I abhor wasting time and energy on pointless endeavors, and worrying about what will happen next when in a situation where someone else calls all the shots is one of the most pointless of all."

Remus felt a little tingle all the way down to his toes at the touch of Severus' elegant fingers, and while he couldn't keep his toes from curling, he kept his expression polite and impassive, determined not to reveal the attraction he felt. His smile widened slightly at Severus' response; the prickliness didn't faze him, not when he'd spent years learning how to deflect barbs. He'd learned long ago that getting angry didn't solve anything, and his antagonists grew bored or frustrated far more quickly when he responded with calm politeness rather than rising to their bait. He didn't think Severus was baiting him, but he recognized a potential baiter when he saw them. Surprisingly, that didn't turn him off Severus; instead, he found himself wondering what had caused Severus to become so self-protective.

"Very sensible of you," was all he said aloud, releasing Severus' hand with reluctance. "And you're right. We'll get whatever we get, and there's no point worrying about it. I'm sure we'll be able to come up with something that works for all of us." He gave Severus a questioning look. "Hip-hop, right?"

"No, I'm obviously a prodigy of Rudolph Nureyev," Severus shot back, rolling his eyes. "And are you going to tell me your name, pretty boy, or shall I call you by your number?"

Remus allowed himself a moment of indulgent hope that Severus did actually think he was pretty before coming back to reality and accepting that Severus meant it in the derogatory sense and anyway, Severus was straight. Remus was supposed to be straight, too. He had to remember that.

"My name is Remus," he replied, smiling placidly, letting Severus' sarcasm roll off his back. "For a Nureyev wanna-be, you have some serious popping skills. All right, we have one hip-hop expert and one Contemporary dancer," he continued, tapping his chest as he turned to the rest of their group. "What about the rest of you?"

Severus was distracted by the sight of Remus - thank God the man had a name and he could stop thinking of him as the hunk - tapping his chest, but as the other three in their group piped up and revealed they were all Contemporary style as well, Severus groaned. "Wonderful," he snorted, shaking his head. "Either we're going to get a hip-hop piece and you'll all drive me insane, or some soppy ballad and I'll drive the rest of _you_ insane. Well, let's get on with it. Who wants to reach in the hat and draw for us? Be aware we'll all blame you if it goes horribly pear-shaped, even if it isn't your fault, because people are bastards and that's the way life is."

Remus chuckled and flashed a challenging look at Severus. "Why don't you draw for us, then? With your attitude, it doesn't seem like you'd care if we blame you for a bad choice of music."

"No, I wouldn't care in the least," Severus confirmed with a shrug. "Although be aware that if I draw some sickening tripe by Mariah Carey, I'll probably slit my own throat."

"You sure use a lot of big words for a hip-hop dancer!" The other male in their group, a mop-headed young man named James spoke up, shooting Severus a look of annoyance from myopic brown eyes.

"If you'd like, I can provide definitions for the ones you don't understand," Severus shot back with poisonous sweetness. He pushed past James and moved to where the music was being distributed, reaching in and pulling out a CD. He looked at it for a moment in silence, then turned to the others, eyes seeking out Remus', filled with unholy glee. "'Sex Bomb', by Tom Jones. Do you think that you're up for the challenge?"

Remus met Severus' gaze, his own pale eyes alight with mirth. "Let's just say I'm looking forward to seeing what we come up with for _that_ song," he said, trying to imagine Severus gyrating to Tom Jones, but his traitorous imagination kept turning it into a strip-tease.

The other groups were already scattering to whatever rehearsal space they could find in the hotel, chattering madly about the music and possible choreography, and Remus glanced around. "I guess we should grab some space. Maybe outside, if it isn't too chilly?"

"This is Las Vegas. Even at this time of year, we're more likely to melt than freeze," Severus said, tossing the CD to Ana-Marie while she and the other girl - Camryn or some such with an odd spelling - were giggling excitedly about the song, already full of ideas. James just scowled, but Severus ignored him, moving toward the wall to grab up his boom box and bottled water. "Outside is better than the hallway, at any rate. We can actually pace off the size of the stage and use it, rather than being limited by a small area."

"Good thinking." Remus nodded his approval as the group headed outside in search of rehearsal space.

Fortunately, they were able to stake a claim on a paved courtyard; they would have to be careful not to stumble into the flowerbeds, but it would serve as a decent practice space, and there was even a table and a few chairs they could use. He and James moved the table out of the way of their makeshift dance floor and dragged the chairs off to one side while Ana-Marie and Camryn warmed up.

"Okay, I guess a strip-tease is out of the question," he said lightly. "So does anyone have ideas for what we _can_ do with this song?"

Severus stripped off his hooded sweatshirt, knowing that he was going to be wringing wet within minutes anyway, leaving him clad in his normal black tank and a pair of clinging black sweatpants. He put the CD into his boombox and started it up. "Why don't we each have a go at it while the others watch, and take the ideas we like? This song can suit all our styles, so mixing Contemporary and hip-hop moves shouldn't be too strange." As the beat started, he lifted his arms out to his sides and then did a slow, rolling series of hip circles in time with the music. It wasn't hip-hop, but it seemed to fit.

The roll of Severus' hips made Remus' mouth go dry, and he grabbed his bottle of water and guzzled about half of it to distract himself from the direction of his thoughts. It wasn't just the movement, but also the way Severus' sweatpants clung to his backside and thighs; Remus had never been so mesmerized by anyone's body before, and he felt his own body tighten in response. It took all of his will power to remain outwardly dispassionate, but he had felt attraction to other young men before, albeit not this strongly, and he was used to hiding it.

"That's stupid," James scoffed, folding his arms across his chest. "The judges will hate it."

"I like it," Ana-Marie piped up. She fell in place beside Severus, watching as she began to imitate his movements, slowly at first, but with increasing dexterity as she caught the motion and the rhythm.

"So do I," Remus said mildly. "We'll keep it in mind."

Severus didn't even deign to acknowledge James; it was going against what he'd told himself about trying to get along with people, but really, some idiots were just too much to be tolerated. He nodded to Ana-Marie, approving her imitation of his movements, then gave Remus a small smirk and began a series of pops, shoulder snaps and smalls hopping steps, all perfectly in time with the beat. Then he stopped, hands on hips, and raised a challenging brow. "All right, who's next? I'm willing to try almost anything, although if anyone suggests tap, I might resort to violence."

Ana-Marie and Camryn giggled at that, and James rolled his eyes. Remus didn't know why, but it seemed James had taken an instant dislike to Severus, but Remus was determined that whatever the problem was, it wasn't going to get in the way of their group creating a good routine.

"I'll try," he said, stepping forward.

He paused to take off his shoes and socks, glad that the courtyard was paved with smooth stone rather than concrete, because he preferred to dance barefoot when possible. He paused, considering, and then he decided just to let the music speak to him, and he began to move, his steps fluid and reminiscent of his preferred style, although he leaned more toward Jazz moves this time, thinking they suited the song better.

Damn. Why did he have to take off his shoes?

Severus couldn't help watching the movement of Remus' feet over the pavement, fascinated by the way he moved so lightly and quickly. For such a well-muscled man, he moved almost weightlessly, and Severus stood back, arms crossed over his chest as he tried to mask the heat in his eyes.

"Oh, that's great!" Camryn said, smiling widely before stepping in and beginning to follow Remus' movements. "I've always loved Jazz, and I do musical theater at school!"

"Now that's more like it," James agreed, also taking up Remus' movements. "Of course, if you can't follow along, Severus..."

A flash of temper crossed Severus' face, evident in the set of his shoulders and the lowering of his brow. Yet no one was going to accuse him of incompetence, and he stepped in with the others, taking a position behind Remus so that he could follow the moves.

Remus slowed down and repeated what he'd just done so the others could follow along, wishing Severus hadn't gotten behind him; he missed the view. Then again, he supposed it was for the best, since he was supposed to be straight. It wouldn't do to be caught ogling Severus' backside.

"The girls could be in front," he suggested once they paused to catch their breath, "and the three of us could line up behind them. We should probably think about partnering, maybe even some lifts. We've all seen the show before, right? The judges seem to like it when the self-choreographed routines are original and balanced."

"That sounds good," Severus agreed. "Besides, we're taller, and we don't want to block the judges view of them."

Off to one side, he could see that a cameraman had set up shop, filming them as they danced, and he scowled. He didn't like feeling like any moment he might end up on film, especially since he didn't trust the producers not to misconstrue things or twist them for their own desires. There was nothing to be done about it, however, and he was about to offer another suggestion when James suddenly stepped up and got right in his face.

"Are you sure you don't want the girls up front just to cover up your inadequate dancing?" he asked, eyes narrowed and mouth turned down into a grimace of dislike. Severus wasn't certain if James had seen the cameras or not; perhaps he had and was trying to make a scene to get himself more noticed, or maybe he didn't and was just a prick who thought he could intimidate Severus, throw him off his game by undermining his confidence in his own abilities. Severus had seen others doing it, obviously assessing the situation and trying to take out those they considered their strongest competition by playing mind games.

Unfortunately for James, Severus didn't consider James adequately armed for such a battle.

"The only thing inadequate in our group is your intelligence," Severus replied, not stepping back at all. He was taller than James, and it amused him to look down on the other man. "Perhaps you don't want to win this round, but I do, so I'm going to give this routine everything I have. Not for you - I couldn't possibly care less if you were told to leave - but because the others in this group are relying on me. I have never, ever failed to do my part when asked to do so, and I expect you to hold up your end as well and not put us all in danger just because your ego is bigger than your brain." He smirked nastily, dropping his voice. "And obviously bigger than other things, if you need to overcompensate so much."

James' expression darkened and turned thunderous, his hands clenching into fists at his sides, and he took a step forward, but Camryn grabbed his arm.

"Don't!" She frowned at him, her tone scolding, and she shot a reproachful look at Severus, too. "Both of you, just stop it. We have to work together, and fighting won't do anything but waste our time. It's only until tomorrow, and then you can kick each other's ass if you want to, but for tonight, behave!"

Remus stood by and watched silently, grateful that Camryn had stepped up; he had wanted to defend Severus, but old habits died hard, and he was far more accustomed to not drawing attention to himself off-stage and avoiding conflict whenever possible.

"Can we get back to work now?" he asked. "We still have a lot of work to do."

"He started it," Severus shrugged, not moving an inch from his position. Oh, he knew bullies like James, and he knew the only way to keep them from coming at you again and again was to stand up to them. They tended to underestimate him, too; tall and lanky, he didn't have the muscles to be intimidating, but he knew how to fight and fight dirty. He scowled hard; an abusive father taught him far more about the cold, ugly realities of human nature than he'd ever wanted to know.

James looked like he wanted to say something else, but Camryn pushed herself between them. "Later, then," he growled, and Severus had to bite back a comment about quaking in his boots. He drew in a deep breath, biting down his anger, although his hands were still clenched at his sides. 

"Fine," he bit out, turning abruptly and dismissing James completely. "Shall we run over that last part again?"

"Yes, let's do that." Remus forced himself to smile as he went to the CD player and restarted the song. Inwardly, however, he suppressed a groan.

It was going to be a long, long night.


	6. Vegas Victory

After the rigorous audition process finally ended, Remus was exhausted in every way possible, and he could scarcely believe he was still in the running. The group audition had gone well, and the judges had praised their innovative choreography; Remus was just grateful they'd gotten through it without Severus and James killing each other. As it was, they seemed to channel their hostility into their dancing to good effect, but off-stage, they continued to snipe at every given opportunity, making Remus look forward to the ballroom round just to get away from them.

Finally, the two hundred-plus competitors had been whittled down to less than fifty, and the judges had gone off to choose their top twenty - the dancers who would make it onto the show. The remaining dancers were left to wait in a small room filled with folding chairs, and Kate called them onto the stage to face the judges one last time.

Knowing there were only ten spots for the men, Remus grew worried as two of the male Contemporary dancers came back to the holding room, faces alight with joy and disbelief as they announced they'd made it. He knew the judges would want diversity, and his heart began to pound as he wondered if his own chances were steadily dwindling.

Finally - _finally_! - Kate called his name, and he rose and scrubbed his damp palms on his pants as he made his way to the stage. He approached the microphone and faced the judges, lifting his chin and squaring his shoulders as he braced himself for their announcement. He noted Trelawney was with them, and he wondered if his chances were higher or lower with one of the judges being a Contemporary choreographer.

"Remus." Clive tapped a pencil on the table as he regarded Remus speculatively. "You've impressed us consistently with your solos and during the Contemporary round. The height on your jumps and your extensions are some of the best we've seen, and you have a strong stage presence. We're a little concerned about your flexibility when it comes to other styles..."

Remus' heart sank at that, and he nodded tersely, preparing himself for the worst. He hadn't measured up to the other Contemporary dancers, and they were letting him go.

"...but we think you have potential for growth in that respect." Clive gave him a mock-stern look. "Don't let us down once you're on the show."

Remus gasped, his eyes flying open wide. "What?"

"You're in our top twenty!" Maria shrieked, and Trelawney beamed at him.

Stunned, Remus managed to say "thank you" before he went back to the holding room, reeling from the shock of realizing he'd done it. He had made it onto the show, just as he'd longed to do for three seasons.

"Well?" Kate looked at him expectantly, and he gazed at her dazedly.

"I'm in," he murmured. Kate congratulated him as the rest of the dancers clapped and cheered, and he felt a surge of unfettered joy as it finally sank in. "I made it!" he exclaimed, grinning broadly.

Severus sat next to Lily, waiting for their turn for, as Severus put it, the Sword of Damocles to fall and determine their fates. 

He was rather surprised to have made it this far in the competition, but the dreaded ballroom hadn't been as horrific as he'd feared. He didn't have any experience with partner dancing, and even though he'd not been paired with Lily, he'd had the good fortune to have Ana-Marie for his partner in the first dance, and she'd taught him a great deal in the hours they'd rehearsed together. He was a quick study, and he'd been able to carry those lessons over into the second partner dance, which was fortunate since his partner hadn't had Ana-Marie's talent or patience. As a result, however, he was sitting here, waiting to see if he'd made the cut and would end up with a spot on the show.

If anyone had asked him when he'd started this process if he'd ever make it to this point, he would have denied it, and moreover, he would have claimed quite truthfully that he didn't even care. But somewhere along the line, his pride and his competitive spirit had become engaged in the process, and while he wouldn't claim that he would absolutely _die_ if he didn't make it, the way that so many of the others melodramatically did, he could honestly say he'd be very angry with himself for failing. He knew there was a great deal against him, however, and he was realistic enough about his chances to be rather grim as he waited his turn.

He became even grimmer as time wore on, seeming to crawl by as dancers were called in and then returned either laughing or in tears, or sometimes both. That bastard James was called near the beginning and came back wearing a smirk that made Severus long to smack him, but not long after, Lily had her turn and returned looking radiant, hugging him hard as she laughed and told him he was her good luck charm, which made him roll his eyes. Rather than go off to celebrate with the other girls who'd made it, she chose to wait with him, staying silent because she knew he abhorred small talk. He, in turn, was glad of her quiet, reassuring presence, since it kept him from jumping up and pacing around like a caged tiger.

When Remus was called, Severus came out of his internal reverie long enough to feel satisfaction that the Contemporary dancer had made it. He deserved it, in Severus' opinion, and although he didn't jump to his feet to offer his congratulations, he waited and caught Remus' eye, nodding silently to indicate he was pleased that Remus had secured a spot. Camryn and Ana-Marie did, as well, and after the final two girls were called up together, the only two left were Severus and another hip-hop dancer, a boyish, energetic, almost hyperactive popper with a grin that made all the girls swoon. At that moment, Severus was certain that he wouldn't make it, and so he waited, expression completely blank, not giving away anything to anyone watching him.

Kate, the hostess, tried to draw him out, to ask him if he were worried, but he just gave her A Look and she backed away, her expression indicating that she was becoming increasingly certain that he ate perky blonde hostesses for lunch. At last the two girls returned - both in tears so he wasn't even certain which had made it and which hadn't - and he and the other dancer were called to the stage, taking a long, silent walk through the back before emerging into a series of spotlights, facing the judges.

"As you both know, we have already selected nine of the top ten boys, meaning we have one slot left," Clive began, and Severus bit back the comment that he was certainly capable of doing basic math without having to take off his shoes. This was it, then; they were going to tell him that he was a decent dancer - he had to be, to make it this far - but that he wasn't photogenic or charismatic or whatever drivel they were looking for. He was annoyed, and more than anything, he didn't want to see the smug look on that bastard James' face when he had to walk back in and say he hadn't made it, but he lifted his chin and prepared himself to weather the criticism he was certain was coming.

"This was a very hard decision," Maria put in, sighing and shaking her head.

"It was, indeed," the other judge, that idiot Trelawney, agreed, waving her hands in a rather spastic gesture.

"Nevertheless, we had to make a decision," Clive cut in, looking at the two of them with a very serious expression. "You are both excellent dancers. We see a great many good hip-hop dancers, but both of you bring something more, something unique to the table. For you, Dom, you have a way of making people smile when they watch you dance, something that makes you an excellent choice for the show. You, Severus, on the other hand..."

 _Here it comes,_ Severus thought, watching Clive with a closed, unreadable expression.

"See, there you are, doing it again," Clive chided him. "When we talk to you, you are a brick wall. I know that you listen to what we say, because I've seen you take our advice to heart and make the changes we've asked of you when you dance. But it's very difficult to tell what you are thinking, and in a way, it comes across as arrogance, as though you don't care what we think at all or perhaps what anyone thinks."

 _I don't_ , Severus thought, but again, he didn't voice that opinion, opting instead to relax his rigid stance and tilt his head to one side, letting his mouth also soften from rigidity to something that, while not a smile, wasn't as though he were smelling something bad.

Surprised, Clive raised a brow, as though he'd expected Severus to shut down further, rather than making such a subtle but unmistakable change. "Well, that's certainly better. But tell me, do you really want this?"

Severus drew in a breath, now that he was being directly questioned. "Yes," he said quietly. He wasn't a person who could open up, but he didn't have to be quite as remote as he had been. "When I started this, I didn't. I only auditioned because of a bet, and I continued because my pride made me too stubborn to quit. But the longer I've gone on, the more I've realized that I do want to do this. Perhaps not for the reasons that so many others do, but for my own. Because I want to be the best, and I want to prove it to myself and everyone else that I can be."

Maria leaned close to Clive and whispered something, and he looked across at Trelawney, who frowned for a moment, then nodded. 

Clive nodded as well, then looked back at Severus and Dom. "As I said, you both bring something unique. What you have, Severus, is a passion when you dance that we've seen in very few people. It doesn't matter what kind of dance it is, either, your own or one you've just learned, but you have this focus on your face as though at that moment, what you are doing in the most important thing in the world, as though you're pulling out what you hold in reserve at all other times and letting us all see it for once. If you could learn to do that when you _aren't_ dancing, you'd have been in our top five, easily. So here's where we are... choosing between a dancer with personality and one with intense passion... and in this case, we've decided to go with the passion. We want to see what you can do, Severus, and if you really can be the best."

For once in his life, Severus was speechless, his eyes growing wide as he stared at the judges. He felt a hand squeeze his shoulder, and he realized Dom was smiling at him, holding out a hand. "Dude, seriously, you deserve it... and I'll be back next year, you'll see!"

"We certainly hope so!" Maria said, smiling at Dom. "You've got quite a little personality there, fella, and we want to see more!"

Clive was looking at Severus expectantly, and Severus struggled past his surprise. "Thank you," he said huskily, not any more used to expressing gratitude than he was any other emotion, but he meant it. "I will do my best."

"We know you will. That's why we picked you. Congratulations!"

Severus nodded, still dazed, and let the more personable Dom chatter on, dominating the conversation and making the judges laugh. Then they were dismissed and Severus walked back to the waiting area, blinking into the lights of the camera and barely hearing the buzz around him.

"He made it!" Dom said, clapping him on the back. "Way to go, man!"

Remus broke away from the group of dancers who were already in and approached Severus, smiling. "Congratulations," he said with warm sincerity. "You deserve it."

Blue eyes were suddenly in his line of vision, and Severus realized Remus was speaking to him, offering him a compliment. He nodded, wondering distantly if those congratulations would extend to Severus pushing him back against the wall and kissing him breathless. Probably not... no, definitely not, and Severus drew in a deep breath, forcing himself to focus on the here and now instead of his thoughts being uncharacteristically scattered from here back to Alabama. His dark eyes were heated for a moment, however, falling to Remus' mouth before returning to his eyes, and Severus nodded again, more firmly this time. 

"Thanks - so do you," he replied, his voice low and deep.

Remus kept his smile in place through sheer force of will as the sound of Severus' voice vibrated along his nerve endings and made heat pool in the pit of his stomach.

"Thank you," he said softly. Then he cleared his throat and stepped back, glancing around at Ana-Marie, Camryn, Lily, James, and the others who had also made it through the torturous ordeal and come out victorious. "Does this mean we get to celebrate now? There's a bar in the lobby, I think."

"Not all of us are old enough to drink," Camryn reminded him, and he winked.

"What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas," he teased.

"I don't drink alcohol," Severus said, then could have kicked himself for making such an admission, still lost in a haze of disbelief. Fortunately Lily came to his rescue, wrapping an arm around his waist and hugging him.

"You just don't want to risk your scholarship," she laughed, then looked around at the others. "Plus he doesn't want to risk his rather impressive brain, isn't that right, Severus? He's completing a degree in biochemistry at Emory, you see. Just in case the whole dance thing starts to bore him."

Severus didn't know what he'd done to deserve a friend like Lily, not that he'd ever admit as much to her or anyone else. "Yes, well, we all need a hobby," he replied, looping an arm over Lily's shoulders. He'd seen the way James looked at her when he thought Severus wasn't paying attention, and he'd be damned if the snot-nosed creep would get anywhere near Lily if he could help it.

"Really?" Remus' eyebrows climbed to his hairline at that revelation, and he gave a low whistle, impressed. There was more to Severus than met the eye, and Remus found himself growing more and more fascinated despite himself. It was dangerous, but he couldn't help it; he would have to work harder to keep his feeling in check before he did something stupid like let intrigue turn into something more. "Wow. I had trouble passing basic chemistry. I can't imagine majoring in a hard science. I'm doing the boring, predictable thing and majoring in dance."

"Well, someone has to pay the salaries of the College of Arts," Severus said generously. Time to change the subject. "A celebration does seem to be in order, however. How about dinner in one of the restaurants? I suspect none of us has indulged in a decent meal since we arrived, and I, for one, would kill for a rare steak."

"I'm game!" Lily piped up, and Camryn and Ana-Marie nodded as well. "Who else?"

Severus' gaze went to Remus; he didn't care if any of the others accepted, but like an idiot, he wanted Remus to come along.

"I'd like to go, too," Remus said, smiling. "I feel like I've gotten my appetite back for the first time since the Dallas audition, and I'd like to indulge it before I realize I've got to dance on national TV and the nerves come back."

Most of the others agreed, even James after rolling his eyes. 

"Sounds like we're in agreement, then. Shall we head down to the strip and find a likely place? You know, we've been here a week, and I don't think I've been more than ten feet from this hotel the whole time." Severus snorted and shook his head, then headed toward the door, leaving it for the others to follow.


	7. New Roommates

Severus opened the door to the dormitory room that would be his home for (hopefully!) the next ten weeks or so, steeling himself for the worst.

The show's liaison explained to them when they'd signed their contracts after the top twenty were picked that they would be housed together for the show's duration, the better for the producers to keep a watchful eye over them and keep them out of trouble. Not that it had been stated that way, of course, but Severus thought the implication was pretty clear. Television was a high stakes market, and _So You Think You're the Next Top American Dance Idol_ was the network's most popular summer show; they couldn't risk any untoward behavior from the contestants, and if such behavior were to occur, at least it would be where they had control and the media couldn't get wind of it. A glorified form of house arrest, at least in Severus' opinion, but considering the value of not only the top prize but the potential earnings for those finishing in the top ten, it was worth letting someone else tell him where to sleep and eat for a few months. Or at least that's what he told himself when his stubborn, independent streak asserted itself and urged him to stalk off and leave the whole idiotic endeavor behind.

Looking around the room, he was surprised to see that its decor had about as much in common with a dorm room as a Harley Davidson did with a bicycle; the lighting was muted and indirect, and a thick burgundy carpet covering the floor. The walls were painted a muted cream color, and the furnishings he could see were all of heavy, dark wood, highly polished. Severus stepped inside, curiosity overcoming trepidation, and crossed to the bed farthest from the door, dumping his suitcase on it before continuing his prowling exploration.

After he'd checked out the room quickly but thoroughly, he was feeling rather better about the situation. There were all the appointments of a nice hotel room, including desks and a large flat screen television, as well as a stereo, no doubt to allow the contestants to listen to their music. The bathroom was one of the largest Severus had ever seen, with a double vanity and a fully mirrored wall across from an enormous walk-in shower and a soaking tub with with whirlpool jets. No doubt he'd appreciate that particular item after hours and hours of dancing every day, and the show's producers rose fractionally in his estimation. He and his fellow dancers might be property for the next few months, but at least they would be treated well for the duration.

He returned to the bed he'd selected, opening his suitcase and beginning to transfer his clothing to one of the chests of drawers. There were two of everything in the room, and he'd already been told they were required to have roommates, which news Severus had greeted with a scowl. Even at Emory, he'd had a private dorm room, and the auditions in Las Vegas had been the only time he'd had to share living space with someone else since leaving home. That had only been for a week, and this was going to be substantially longer, but he'd resigned himself to it. He didn't even know who his roommate was going to be, since the person who'd checked him in had refused to divulge that information. "Let it be a surprise!" she'd said, beaming at him widely, no doubt hoping he would admire her blindingly white bleached teeth. Personally he thought he'd rather pull his own teeth than deal with any more surprises, but that wasn't an option.

As it was, he'd arrived before his roommate, so he decided he'd won the initiative on choosing which bed he wanted, and whomever it was would simply have to deal with it. He just hoped that he didn't have the damnable luck to get stuck with James; if he did, no doubt the show would be able to save themselves a week of eliminations when the two of them engaged in mutual annihilation. 

Dragging his heavy suitcase behind him, Remus opened the door of his home-to-be for the next few weeks and bumped his way in, performing an awkward dance with the door and his luggage. A quick glance around showed that the accommodations were much nicer than he'd anticipated - and that his roommate had already arrived.

"Hi, Severus," he said pleasantly as he hauled his suitcase over to the free bed. "I hope you saved me some closet space."

Well, this was a pleasant surprise, Severus thought as he straightened, facing Remus with a raised brow. Likely to be frustrating, but definitely better than the alternative. 

He nodded a greeting, continuing to transfer his clothing into the drawers. It gave him an odd feeling in the pit of his stomach to think of his clothing hanging next to Remus' in the closet; it was almost too intimate, in a way, like they were _living_ together instead of just sharing a room. Severus had never had a long term relationship before, had never even desired one. Why he was mooning over a man who was so obviously straight was beyond him, and he scowled at his underwear as he stuffed it into the top drawer, wondering if he should just cram his suit in there with them so that he didn't have to look at it hanging next to Remus' things.

When he turned around to face Remus again, no sign of his inner turmoil showed, except for a slight flush on his normally pale cheeks. "Plenty of closet space available," he said, gesturing to the wide double doors. "I just hope for your own health that you don't snore. I'm likely to smother you with a pillow if so, thereby both removing competition and insuring a peaceful night's sleep."

Remus laughed as he began to unpack his things and put them away, availing himself of the closet space. "I don't think so. No one has ever complained about snoring, so I should be safe from smothering." He glanced at Severus, one eyebrow cocked as he dared to tease a little. "What about you? Any nocturnal habits I should be aware of?"

 _Don't say it... don't say it..._ Severus smirked evilly, then decided to throw caution to the winds. "I trust if I moan out any names in my sleep, you'll be discreet," he drawled. "I wouldn't want to get a reputation, after all."

Remus' eyes widened slightly, and a faint flush rose in his cheeks as thoughts of Severus moaning _his_ name rose up unbidden. He covered his momentary discomfort by focusing on shoving his underwear and socks in the nearest drawer.

"Don't worry, your secrets are safe with me," he said lightly. "And if you ever want some privacy with Lily, just let me know, and I'll clear out for a while."

Severus opened his mouth to hotly deny that he would ever want _privacy_ with Lily, then closed it again quickly. He didn't know how Remus would feel about sharing a room with someone who was gay, after all; he might be creeped out, and then Severus would be stuck with someone else and would no doubt grow to resent Remus. He didn't want that; there were few people he could tolerate for any amount of time, and other than Remus being too damned attractive for his own good, Severus found that he actually rather liked the other man. Not that he would ever admit to it, of course; he wasn't about to give anyone the power of thinking that he'd gone soft or something. No, it was better to just let Remus think that he and Lily had a thing, although he wasn't certain he wanted to admit that to Lily, who would be horribly amused.

"Thanks," he said briefly, then paused before continuing. "You too, of course, if any of the girls have, um, caught your interest." It was harder to say than he thought, since he wanted to be the only one to catch Remus' regard. 

_Damn it!_ he muttered angrily to himself, wondering if he'd lost his mind completely, acting like some kind of lovesick moron.

"Not really." Remus smiled and shrugged as he began unpacking his practice clothes. "I'm single, but I'm not interested in hooking up with any girls on the show." _Although I wish I could hook up with one of the guys_ , he thought wistfully. "I think it'd be asking for trouble to get involved with someone I'm competing with."

Severus nodded; he'd do well to remember that himself, and he set his jaw, deliberately moving his gaze from Remus' clothes and returning to his own unpacking. He should just file Remus under the heading of "not meant to be" and move on. He should focus on winning the competition, since the prize money would handily pay for graduate school anywhere he wanted to go. If he was in this, he'd might as well put all his energy into actually being the best and not worry about gorgeous straight hunks with pale blue eyes and asses that were the stuff of fantasies.

He finished with the last of his clothes - there weren't many, really, since he didn't have a lot of money to waste on frippery - then closed his suitcase and moved it onto the top shelf of the closet. 

"Thank God that's done," he said, then looked at his watch. "We're supposed to have some sort of meeting in an hour, no doubt a lecture on upholding the standards of the network and not getting ourselves caught in any compromising positions." Severus rolled his eyes. "I find it ironic that they sell sex nightly on some of those horrible shows, then expect us to act like vestal virgins. I loathe hypocrites... although I suppose I'm no better, since I'm putting up with it for the sake of being in the competition."

Remus paused in his unpacking and studied Severus for a moment. "Why _are_ you here?" he asked, his voice laced with curiosity. "I mean, you're a biochemistry major. It doesn't sound like you want to make a career out of dancing."

Severus couldn't help it; he felt himself closing up, his protective walls slamming back into place. He'd let them down briefly for the judges for the sake of getting into the competition, but this was different. He barely even knew Remus, after all, and just because the man had eyes he wanted to drown in didn't mean he should open up and spill his guts. If he couldn't even admit he was gay, something he'd never bothered to hide before now, there was no way he was going to share the drive behind his desire, his _need_ , to dance.

"The money is good," he said shortly, then moved away, fiddling without any real purpose with the stack of books he'd put on his desk, before picking one up at random and crossing to the door. "I should go see if Lily has arrived. See you at the meeting." With that, he left the room, needing to escape before he made a complete fool of himself over a man who would never have any interest in him.

Remus watched him go, surprised by the terse words and abrupt departure, but rather than being put off, he was more intrigued than ever. He suspected there was something more than the money driving Severus; there were grants and scholarships, after all, and Severus could make more money in his chosen field if he was patient enough to wait until graduation, which Remus thought could be no more than a year or two away. He didn't need to go on a reality show to get money, not really, so Remus thought there must be something else behind Severus desire to participate in the competition.

Then there was the fact that Remus had seen him dance and knew how good he was. Severus wasn't a dabbler; he had passion that shone through in every move he made while on stage, and Remus wondered why Severus wasn't willing to admit it, claiming money was his motivation instead.

Severus was a bundle of mystery wrapped up in prickles and snark - and Remus was in serious danger of falling hard for him.

With a quiet sigh, Remus finished unpacking and went into the bathroom to freshen up. He hoped he hadn't upset Severus too much; he didn't want things to be awkward between them since they were rooming together. He supposed he would find out at the meeting... and that they would be thrown a twist that would keep either of them from worrying about interpersonal relationships for a while.


	8. Bottles and Broadway

Remus stood backstage while the couple ahead of them - a red-haired Swing dancer named Bill and his partner, a pale, delicate girl named Fleur whose specialty was Jazz - performed for the screaming crowd. He and his own partner, Dora, had drawn the fourth spot, which was a relief. He didn't want to be the first couple to perform in the very first episode of the show, but he didn't want to wait and sweat bullets for two whole hours to dance last either; the middle position suited him just fine.

During the meeting, they had been assigned their partners and had drawn both their performance slots on the show and the type of dance they would perform on the first live episode. Dora was still in her teens and had spiky, pink-tipped blonde hair, and she also specialized in Contemporary, although from what Remus remembered from her auditions, her style was far more quirky than his. They were close in height, though, and he thought they would do reasonably well together.

Dora drew their dance style, and she let out a squeal when she drew a slip of paper reading "Broadway". That, Remus knew, meant they would be working with TysonD'Onofrio , who had been one of the regular choreographers on the show for the past two seasons. Remus liked the man's style, and while he'd never tried to dance in that particular style, he was grateful to have that rather than something that could be the kiss of doom, like Disco.

It had been odd having cameras in the room while they rehearsed, but fortunately, the crew had only filmed them during their first rehearsal with Tyson, and they were left alone the rest of the time. Considering how often they stumbled and flubbed, he was relieved not to have every wrong step recorded for posterity.

The day before the show, all the dancers had been required to give a brief interview, answering the question "What is one thing about yourself that no one knows?" in order to help America get to know them. Remus couldn't blurt out the most obvious response - "I'm gay" - and so he smiled calmly and offered a far less controversial response. It was odd to hear his own voice being broadcast to the audience as the video clip played; if he peeked the right way, he could even see himself on the video screen, talking about his "secret" love of Big Band music.

That was when it hit him: he was about to dance live on national television.

Remus Lupin from Deer Lick, Oklahoma, was going to dance in front of millions of people. His palms became twice as sweaty, and the butterflies in his stomach turned into fire-breathing dragons, and for a moment, he froze, unable to move when the stagehand ushered them onto the stage.

He heard the applause, heard Kate announce them. He could feel Dora shaking, and he squeezed her shoulder, his nerves fading once the music started. He could tune out everything else and focus on the moves, and he would worry about the judges and the voting later.

They were dancing to "Because We Can", which was a frenetic can-can number from _Moulin Rouge_ ; Dora was dressed as a can-can dancer, and Remus was dressed as one of her patrons in a sleek black tuxedo. The choreography was lively and fast-paced, demanding them to keep up with the rapid tempo and exude energy from start to finish. Despite the fact that they were portraying a prostitute and client, it wasn't a sexy, sensual dance; Tyson had them bouncing around the stage too much for either of them to get down and dirty, which was fine with Remus.

By the time it was over, he was drenched in sweat and could barely draw a breath, having thrown himself into the routine with abandon in hopes that it would impress both the judges and the audience, but he managed to wrap one arm around Dora's waist and walk with her to talk to Kate and the panel of judges.

"Amazing!" Kate exclaimed, beaming at them, and Remus smiled back. He liked her; she seemed genuinely enthusiastic and supportive of all the dancers, and she was good at keeping the show moving along smoothly. "You two could light up the whole city with that energy! How do you feel after your first performance?"

"Tired," Remus said, grinning, and he was gratified to earn laughter from the audience.

"I can see why," Kate replied, laughing. "Now let's find out what the judges think!"

Remus tightened his arm around Dora, who clung tightly to him in return, and he scarcely dared to breathe while he waited for the verdict. He released his breath on a sigh of relief when the judges offered unanimous praise for their energy and enthusiasm. Clive had a few quibbles about footwork, but Maria let out an ear-splitting whoop that made up for it. Remus was beaming as he and Dora exited the stage, all exhaustion forgotten as he rode a wave of adrenaline fueled by the thunderous applause that followed them off.

Standing in the wings, waiting for their turn, Severus drew in a deep breath and forced the tension in his shoulders away while Lily bit her lip and tugged at the non-existent side of her costume. "I feel indecent," she said, and Severus looked at her, raising a brow.

"Be glad you have the body for it," he admonished her, glad to focus on her concerns instead of his own. "Hopefully all the males in the audience will forgive any missteps for the sake of your thighs."

"Severus!" Her voice was almost a shriek, fortunately covered by the applause as Remus and his partner - a little twit Severus couldn't stand in the least - waved to their screaming fans and headed toward the curtains.

"Suck it up, Evans, we're on," he told her, turning her around and putting a hand at the small of her back, urging her forward. There were still the introductory videos to be gotten through, and Severus wondered how America would take to his "one thing about you no one knows" being that he'd never broken his nose. Hopefully some of the dolts would have enough of a sense of humor to get the joke. 

Remus and the vapid Dora came off the stage, and Severus straightened himself proudly, peering down his nose at the girl, dark eyes glittering with dislike. His gaze changed as it fell on Remus, however, and he nodded a greeting to his roommate. He wished that he could have seen more of Remus' dance, but he'd only been able to catch glimpses through the curtains. Hopefully they would be allowed to watch videos later because he thought the bits he'd seen of Remus had been excellent, and he wondered what Remus would think of theRumba he and Lily were about to dance.

Lily's black dress was barely there, but Severus' tight black pants and the black vest open over his bare chest covered little more. Once Remus had moved past, Severus heard their names called, and he took Lily's hand and rushed her out on the stage, the lights going down and leaving them bathed in a muted spot. Then the music started, a sensual song called "Need to Know" by Marc Anthony, and Lily looked up, greens eyes sultry as she swayed toward him.

During the practices, Severus had been surprised to find that not only was he decent at the Latin dance, he genuinely liked it, so he gave Lily a heated look as he circled his hips, walking around her as their bare skin slid together. The steps were slow but intense, and Severus imagined a rather different body sliding against his, causing his face to flush and eyes to glitter possessively. Lily gave back as good as she got, and Severus spared the barest amused thought to wonder if anyone would believe that he was gay and Lily had no interest in him whatsoever.

They finished with a lift, Severus raising Lily high over his head before allowing her to flow down his body, ending up in a split on the floor. Breathing hard, he looked up as the audience seemed to explode into applause, then lifted Lily back to her feet, one arm around her waist as they strolled toward Kate.

"That was hot!" she said, looking between the two of them with a knowing little smile. "Dare I say there is chemistry between the two of you?"

"Well, chemistry is Severus' specialty, and I can't help but react to it," Lily purred, leaning close to Severus. 

He felt the intense desire to laugh at her pun, but he didn't, merely lifting a brow at Kate. "And any man can see how hot Lily is," he replied, referring more to the fact that she was sweating all over his arm than that he found her particularly sexy, and he knew she knew it. He caught the look in her eyes that said he would pay for that comment later, but he didn't mind. It was over, and they had done well, and the judges had nothing but praise for them, especially Maria, who offered them two tickets on some idiotic train which made Severus want to roll his eyes. But he was in a good mood, and so he played it all up, swaying his hips as they walked off the stage.

Once she and Remus were off-stage, Dora bounced away to join some of the other dancers who had already performed, but Remus lingered by the monitors to watch Severus' performance. He was aware of the searing chemistry between Severus and Lily, the heat pouring off them even on the small screen of the monitor, and he knew it had to be translating to the TV audience as well. It was, he thought with a wistful sigh, a reminder that he could look at Severus' gorgeous tight butt in his gorgeous tight pants all he liked, but he could never touch. For more reasons than one.

It was for the best, he told himself sternly. If Severus was gay, it would be a temptation that Remus wasn't sure he would be able to resist, especially when watching the roll and sway of Severus' hips in the Rumba was enough to stir Remus' desire. The sensual routine made Remus feel parched, and mere water wasn't nearly enough to quench this thirst.

Schooling his features into his usual placid calm, Remus smiled at Severus and Lily as they approached. "That was great," he said. "If I didn't know neither of you were Latin dancers, I'd think you'd been dancing ballroom all your lives."

Severus was surprised to find Remus waiting back stage, smiling at them and offering compliments. Despite the fact that they were roommates, they'd barely seen each other over the last two days, so absorbed in dancing every waking moment and then so exhausted afterward that they could hardly muster the energy to collapse into bed. Fortunately, Remus didn't snore, which boded well for his continued existence.

"Thank you," Lily grinned and dropped Remus a curtsy. "I want to see your routine later, if they let us watch the tapes. That's probably the worst part besides the nervousness, not being able to see everyone else!"

"Indeed." Severus met Remus' glittering eyes, something about Remus' flushed skin and deep breaths sending an unexpected tingle of awareness down his spine. Which was ridiculous, of course. Remus was definitely not looking at him like _that_ ; he was still just cooling down after his own dance. Not that little facts like that made any difference to Severus' libido, and he was careful to keep Lily in front of him because the damned pants he had on left almost nothing to the imagination. 

Fortunately, the next couple was getting ready to go on, and Severus pushed Lily toward the green room. "It's getting crowded back here, and I would kill for a shower, but we need to wait for the bit at the end, dammit. Come on, let's at least get some water." He lifted a brow at Remus. "Are you coming?"

 _What a loaded question_ , Remus thought, but outwardly, he nodded. "Sure, let's go."

Once they reached the waiting area, James jumped up from his seat and made a beeline toward Lily, unable to keep his eyes off her skimpy costume even as he gushed about her dancing and totally ignored Severus. Dora rushed over to join Remus as well, clutching his arm and smiling radiantly at him. The way she was looking at him set off alarm bells in Remus' head, and he was careful to keep his own smile neutral, hoping she wasn't developing a crush.

He'd had girlfriends in high school and his freshman year of college, and he had made out with them; he'd even had sex, but while it had been physically pleasurable, he'd been going through the motions for the sake of maintaining the illusion of heterosexuality, not because he felt any real desire for his girlfriends. With practice, he'd become a good lover, but the act had never really satisfied him, and after his first year of college, he decided to use the excuse of being caught up in the rigorous demands of his major to avoid romantic entanglements. He went on a few casual dates just to make certain no rumors about his sexuality began to circulate, but other than that, he was happier remaining celibate.

He liked Dora, but she was barely eighteen and still had a lot of growing up to do; despite a scant three year age difference, he was too old and too gay for her, and he didn't want to deal with her budding feelings for him on top of the stress of the competition. He supposed it was normal, given they spent so much time together every day, and dancing was an intensely physical act. But it was best if they both focused on their dancing instead of a "show-mance", and he hoped if he remained polite and friendly but distant, she would turn her attention elsewhere.

"I brought you some water," Dora said, shyly offering him a chilled bottle, but before he could thank her and accept it, the bottle slipped out of her hand and landed on his foot.

He let out a startled expletive and instinctively lifted his foot, although the impact hadn't hurt as much as it could have; he was wearing shoes for this routine, which softened the blow.

"I'm sorry!" she gasped, looking mortified, but he smiled and waved away the apology.

"No harm done," he said as he stooped to retrieve the bottle. "Thanks," he added as he opened the bottle and took a long drink, the cool water soothing his parched throat.

Severus scowled at James; Lily could do much better than him, and he made a mental note to make certain she knew it and remembered it, especially since Severus had a bad feeling that the arrogant jerk was intent on Lily in part because he thought that she and Severus were an item. Oh, yes, he knew the type all too well, the ones who wanted to take away what belonged to someone else, and even if James was wrong about where Severus' affections lay, it didn't mean that Severus was eager to see his best friend being romanced by a slimy wretch of a man. But he had to hold his tongue on that score for the moment, not ready to stir up what would no doubt be a bunch of dramatics.

He ignored Remus' partner when she approached, or he did until he heard Remus swear. His head whipped around, and he frowned even more when he saw that Remus was holding his foot and grimacing. 

"You dolt!" he hissed at Dora, dark eyes flashing as he stepped toward Remus, who was now drinking the water as though nothing had happened. Dora shrank away from the fire in Severus' eyes, and Severus turned his back to her dismissively, addressing Remus instead. "You should get that looked at right now. Foot injuries are nothing to shrug off, especially for a dancer! The bones of the foot are delicate; you could have a hairline fracture and not feel it for a few hours until suddenly you can't walk." He wrapped a hand around Remus' upper arm, not examining too closely his anger that the clumsy bitch could have damaged Remus' very attractive feet. "Come along, we'll go find the medic, just to make sure you didn't suffer any permanent damage."

"Uh... okay." Remus gaped at Severus, startled by the sudden burst of solicitousness, but he had to concede that Severus had a point. He didn't think the bottle had hit him hard enough to do any real damage, but he didn't want to gamble his future on it either. "Better safe than sorry, I guess," he added when he'd recovered from the shock of having Severus fuss over him, and he smiled up at Severus as he let Severus lead him away, in no hurry to have Severus remove his hand. "Thanks. I wouldn't have thought about going to the medic myself."

"Then you are as much a dolt as your partner," Severus said, but the words lacked any real heat; he was too pleased that Remus was coming along with him and that Dora looked like a whipped puppy. "You can't afford to be careless with your chances! How would it look if that idiotic James ended up winning because you stubbed your toe? Although I suppose by rights, I _should_ leave you to your own devices so that I have a better chance myself." He looked down at Remus sternly, although there was a flash of humor in his dark eyes. "But perhaps all I really want is for you to not whine all night about your damned foot hurting. We get little enough sleep around this madhouse. I'm not willing to risk what precious few hours I'm allotted because my roommate turns out to be macho in public and a big crybaby in private or something."

Remus glanced sidelong at him, a glitter of amusement in his own eyes. "I'm not a big crybaby," he said loftily. "I'm just as macho in private as I am in public."

 _That_ certainly sounded promising, but he knew Remus didn't mean it in that way, dammit. "Hmphf. We'll see," he replied skeptically. They had reached the medical area, where two men in white shirts sat with a surprising array of portable medical equipment, and he gestured imperiously at Remus. "He had a full bottle of water dropped on his foot."

One of the men stood up immediately. "Let's get you checked out. No sense in taking a risk," he said, gesturing Remus toward a seat. "Take off your shoe and sock, and we'll make certain there's no damage."

Severus stood off to one side, arms crossed over his chest as he frowned and waited to see if Remus' clumsy cow of a partner had managed to wreck Remus' chances of winning the competition. If she had, and Remus had to leave, Severus was going to make her pay.

Remus stripped off his shoe and sock as instructed, and he sat still while the medic examined his foot, feeling a little more apprehensive than he had been. What if the bottle _had_ given him a hairline fracture? What if he had to leave the competition? What if...?

"It looks like you'll have a little bruising, but it doesn't appear any serious damage has been done," the medic said at last. "If you experience any pain or swelling, let us know immediately, but I think you'll be all right."

Breathing out a sigh of relief, Remus smiled and slumped in the chair, giving himself a moment to let go of the anxiety before reaching for his shoe and sock again. "Thanks," he said. "If anything changes, I'll definitely let you know."

"Looks like you won't get the sympathy vote after all," Severus said, giving a dramatic sigh. "I suppose we should get back, since they'll be calling us for the finale soon. You need to watch that partner of yours. She's going to end up killing you! How in the world someone that clumsy ended up as a dancer is beyond me."

"She isn't clumsy on the dance floor," Remus said mildly as he put his shoe and sock back on and stood up. "She just has the occasional mishap off the stage." He studied Severus for a moment, tempted to ask why Severus was being so... protective. But Severus had shut down the last time Remus had asked too many questions, and he decided it wasn't the best idea, especially when they still had to wrap up the show. "Ready when you are," he said instead.

Severus nodded to the medics, and then turned and stalked back toward the stage. If Remus wanted to defend his cow of a partner, fine. It was obvious that she was mooning after Remus, and maybe he was eating it up privately. Well, it was no skin off Severus' nose; he had no right to be annoyed, but he was anyway, and that annoyed him even more.

"We're just in time," he said, noting Lily motioning to him frantically. He turned to give Remus a brief look, but he couldn't think of anything to say that wouldn't sound overly snarky, and so he merely nodded to Remus and made his way toward Lily.


	9. The Truth is Out There

The results show passed in a blur, and since neither Severus and Lily nor Remus and his partner ended up in the bottom three couples, it wasn't the emotional roller coaster it was for the ones who were in danger. Yet by the time it was over, all Severus wanted to do was collapse and have a little time alone; he'd never spent so long a time in close proximity to so many people before, and he could feel his temper becoming frayed, even with Lily. 

He'd retreated to his room afterward, turning down all invitations to go to meals or do anything else with the other competitors. He wasn't being anti-social... well, yes, if he were being completely honest, he _was_ , but it was only temporary, and he was certain Lily would explain his need to just be alone for a while. If not, oh well, it wasn't as though he was trying to win Mr. Congeniality.

Remus tried to draw him out, both directly and indirectly, but Severus put him off politely but firmly. Part of the problem was that Severus found himself tensing up every time the annoying Dora would hug Remus, or hang all over him as though she were a strand of ivy and Remus was her own personal trellis. It didn't help that Severus wouldn't have minded being able to drape himself over Remus' gorgeous body, or that he had to sleep in a bed in the same room as Remus, listening to him breathe, waking up from erotic dreams and knowing that Remus was only a few feet away, and yet farther than the moon. Severus tried to tell himself that it was the propinquity that was driving him mad, that he really didn't want Remus _that_ much; it was just not having that was making him hunger more. Yet in the back of his mind, he knew he was grasping at any excuse to believe he wasn't falling for Remus.

Remus seemed to sense that Severus really did need to be left alone, and he'd simply dropped off some fresh fruit - green apples, Severus' favorite - and gone off, presumably with the other dancers and leaving Severus in peace. He'd tried to study, not wanting to get behind on his academics and also looking for something to think about other than his roommate, but it wasn't working, and then before he knew it, they were back into the thick of things, drawing their next dance and starting into rehearsal for the second performance show.

Of course, Lily sensed something was wrong, but after he'd simply glared at her during her gentle questioning, she'd stopped, having known him long enough to know that poking at him when he was in a certain mood was a sure way to provoke an explosion. It was fortunate indeed that they'd not only drawn hip-hop for their second week, but that the choreographer was hard-core, giving them a high energy, aggressive dance that fit Severus' mood perfectly. As he and Lily took the stage and the music began, Severus threw himself into it, hitting each move so hard, it was a wonder he didn't throw out his back or a knee.

Lily was hard-pressed to keep up, but she seemed to catch a bit of his tension, or maybe she was in a temper herself, having to put up with him when he was being a right bastard. Whatever it was, it translated well into the dance, and when Severus executed a back flip, landing as the music finished, Lily was right there beside him, looking as though she could wring his neck with her bare hands and not regret it for a moment.

The judges were full of praise for their energy and aggression, which should have pleased Severus, but it didn't. He left the stage with Lily, so wired he could have climbed the walls, and he stopped only when Lily put a hand on his arm.

"We need to talk," she said firmly, her green eyes showing concern under her irritation. "I don't know what's gotten into you, but we need to work it out or you're going to burn out or explode. I've never seen you like this before! Please, Severus... just _talk_ to me!"

Other dancers were standing around, and Severus was half tempted to stalk off, not wanting to make a scene. But then his shoulders slumped, the energy fading out of him like air out of a balloon, and he nodded. 

"You're right, I'm sorry," he said, perhaps more gruffly than gracious, but Lily relaxed as well, her mouth curving into a smile. "Later, though, all right? Maybe tomorrow? We still have to get through tonight."

She waggled a finger at him. "Tomorrow, Snape, and I'm not going to let you forget it," she said, before smacking him on the arm affectionately. "I must be a saint for putting up with you, you know. You're going to owe me a nice dinner for all my sweet understanding."

Severus rolled his eyes and snorted, the first smile in what felt like - and probably was - days curving his lips. "Fine, Evans. Although I will remind you that at certain times of the month, you illustrate the old saying about redheads yourself." 

She smacked him again, harder, and he actually chuckled.

"Fine, fine," she said, then thumbed her nose and him and turned to stalk off toward the green room. Severus didn't follow immediately, needing a moment to just sag against the wall, rubbing his forehead and wondering if he were losing his mind.

For their second performance, Remus and Dora had been paired with a choreographer who had created an intense routine for them. It was raw and primal, and Remus had been cast as a savage predator hunting his quarry, required to bring out a level of aggression that he'd never tapped before.

The costumers had dressed him for the part. Or rather _not_ dressed him. His "costume" consisted mostly of a loincloth and body paint, but he didn't feel self-conscious about it, unlike Dora, who seemed to feel awkward in her skimpy costume. She wasn't a conventionallygirly-girl, and he could understand why dressing in such a provocative way would be uncomfortable for her.

He hadn't had a chance to watch Severus and Lily this time, but he heard the cheers as he headed to the wings to wait for their call. He'd been giving Severus some space of late, sensing that Severus was feeling the strain of being around people so much; being something of a loner himself, he understood and tried to help ease the tension. But when he saw Severus leaning against the wall and rubbing his head as if staving off a headache, Remus wondered if the little respites he'd offered had done much good.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly, pausing to study Severus with concern.

Severus was so focused on his inner turmoil that he didn't hear Remus' approach, so he started, his eyes flying wide open as he stared back at Remus in surprise. "Yes, yes, fine," he said, recovering quickly.

Or rather, recovering until he let himself really look at Remus and see how very little Remus was wearing. His eyes widened again, and he was grateful for the baggy clothes of the hip-hop routine, for his body tightened with longing as he took in every gorgeous, masculine line of Remus' body, bared to sight and enhanced with stripes of body paint that made him look like some primitive sex deity come to life. He closed his mouth with a snap, realizing he was staring. 

"Er... low budget in the costume department?" he asked, grasping for something to say that wasn't "I think we should have sex RIGHT NOW."

Remus laughed softly and shook his head. "We have an African Jazz fusion number," he said. "I'm a tribal hunter, and I guess they wanted me to look the part." He glanced down at himself with self-deprecating amusement. "Or at least like a fantasy version of a hunter. You think I might get some votes just for showing my abs?" he asked, flashing a teasing grin up at Severus in hopes of lightening his friend's mood.

Severus swallowed hard. Remus looked like a fantasy all right, and it was all too easy to imagine Remus stalking _him_ , blue eyes intense as he moved toward Severus, every line of his body poised like a tiger ready to pounce on its prey. He definitely had a bad case of wanting at the moment, but there was nothing to be done about it, even if Remus wasn't about to go on stage. Severus wasn't an altruistic man by any means, but neither was he so selfish as to do or say anything that might throw Remus off balance mentally and ruin his chances at remaining in the competition, no matter how much he'd prefer to pull Remus to the floor and act out a little fantasy of his own.

Mustering a small smirk, Severus tilted his head to one side. "I'd say you could probably manage a few votes from those that go for the brawny he-man look," he drawled. "Which given the taste of the average woman watching this show is... well, probably all of them. Probably some of the men, too."

"Then I guess I'll have to send everyone in costuming some flowers if I make it through this elimination," Remus said lightly, more pleased than he cared to admit, even to himself, by Severus' words. He knew it was foolish; Severus had a girlfriend, and even if he didn't, it didn't mean he would be interested in Remus, but Remus couldn't seem to squelch the attraction he felt, no matter how hard he tried. He peered at Severus again, scrutinizing him intently. "Are you sure you're okay? If you need some down time after the show, I can probably crash with Bill tonight. Now that Peter's gone, he doesn't have a roommate. He's on his own until tomorrow night."

"No! I mean no, that won't be necessary," Severus said quickly, feeling an instant aversion to not having Remus in the room, despite the mixed feelings it caused him. At least if Remus was there, Severus knew that he wasn't around the clingy Dora, who skittered out of the way any time she saw Severus coming. A good thing, in his opinion. Then he scowled, even though Remus' concern warmed him. "Quit wasting your energy worrying about me, you idiot! Focus on your performance, because if you get eliminated and I have to room with James, it will be _your_ fault, but you'll blame me! Go on, then. You'd better dance this perfectly, or I'll never let you hear the end of it, do you understand?"

Remus blinked, startled by the sudden shift in Severus' mood, but then he snapped to attention and saluted smartly. "Sir, yes, sir!" He was about to say more, but just then, Dora rushed up and grasped his arm.

"Come on! It's time!" she exclaimed.

He shot Severus a fleeting smile before letting himself be dragged away, pleased that Severus hadn't kicked him out of the room for the night. He liked Bill, but he liked Severus more - and in an entirely different way - and even though it was a form of masochistic torture to be around Severus, he wanted to enjoy it while he could.

Severus watched Remus go, the play of muscles in Remus' thighs as he moved almost unbearably arousing. Then he shook himself and went to find a place in front of one of the monitors; he wanted to see Remus' dance, although he had a feeling he'd be imagining himself dancing in Dora's place.

The music for Remus and Dora's routine was primal; Remus could think of no better word to describe it. It was instrumental, providing them with a strong beat to dance to, and the harsh, pounding rhythm was reflected in the choreography. Remus knew the only way to make the judges happy was to commit to the routine whole-heartedly, and when the music started, he did just that. He let go of thoughts about the judges and the audience and votes, of his own doubts and fears, of everything but the music and his partner.

He threw himself into the role, pushing his body harder as he called on raw masculine energy and poured it into the dance, his moves aggressive and intense as he stalked Dora around the stage. He pushed to make each leap higher than the last, to help the audience see the hunt through his steps.

When it was over, he was winded and shaking from exertion, but he was pumped up on enough adrenaline to carry him over to Kate with Dora by his side. He hoped he'd done well enough to earn the judges' approval, and when Maria screamed and started babbling about the hot tamale train, he could have collapsed with relief.

Clive was more serious, but no less enthusiastic. "Remus, you committed to this performance completely, and it showed. I believed you were a primitive hunter, and the power you displayed was incredible."

Gratified, Remus couldn't hold back a happy grin which only widened when the weekly guest judge agreed. He was a little amused when they went on at length about how "masculine" a dancer he was, but channeling an alpha swagger had never been difficult for him, and it had provided useful camouflage during high school.

Dora didn't fare quite so well, however. The judges seemed to think she hadn't committed to the dance as much as Remus had, and she hadn't shown as much power or energy; she was near tears as they headed off-stage, and Remus slid one arm around her shoulders, giving her a reassuring squeeze. She was young and not as experienced with performing outside of a studio as some of the rest of them, and her inexperience had shown tonight.

"It's okay," he murmured as he led her to the waiting area. "You're learning. Just take what they said and prove them wrong next week."

"If I'm still here next week," she said tragically.

Remus sighed and turned her over to Fleur and a couple of the other girls, who could - and would - coddle and comfort her better than he could, and he went to find Severus instead.

Standing in front of a monitor and watching the story of the dance unfold, Severus was hard-pressed to keep from drooling. He knew Remus was good, of course, and obviously Remus was sexy - that was part of what was causing Severus so many problems, after all - but _this_... it was beyond sensual. It was a blatant seduction, and it was all Severus could do to keep from pushing Remus up against the wall and kissing him when Remus entered the room.

He couldn't, of course, and he was caught in an agonized conflict between flaming desire and knowledge of certain rejection. One thing he knew for certain was that he couldn't be near Remus, not right now, not when his body was aching and his libido was urging him to do things which would alienate Remus and probably also get him kicked out of the competition. He couldn't risk it, and yet he was trapped, unable to flee the studio before the wrap up at the end of the show.

And now Remus was crossing toward him, looking like sex incarnate and pushing Severus' self-control almost over the edge.

Desperately, he searched for a means of escape, then decided to fall back on a time honored excuse: the ubiquitous headache. Frowning mightily, he lifted his hands to his temples, rubbing them as he kept his gaze on the floor. When Remus got close, Severus pushed away from the wall and winced. 

"Nice job," he murmured, not wanting to snub Remus completely. "Excuse me, my head is killing me - must be the noise." 

With that, he moved toward the restrooms, deciding to hole up inside until the last moment before he had to go on stage again.

Remus watched him go, concerned and a little puzzled. Severus seemed to be blowing hot and cold, and while he expected a certain amount ofsnarkiness , he was having trouble keeping up with Severus' mercurial moods of late. He was a little worried, too, that something might be seriously wrong, since Severus seemed to be having headaches more often. But there was the rest of the show to think about, and so he put Severus out of his mind until the show was over.

He did a superficial job of scrubbing off the make-up and returned the costume, such as it was, to the wardrobe department, dressing in his own clothes for the return to their room. Once there, he made a beeline for the shower to do a better job of washing off the body paint and removing the excessive amount of hairspray that had been used on his hair; only when he felt thoroughly clean did he turn off the hot water. He dressed in a pair of loose grey sweatpants and shrugged on a plain white tee-shirt, and he padded barefoot into the bedroom, glancing around to see if Severus was there or if he'd found somewhere else to be.

After the finale of the show, Severus had hurried off, slipping out of the studio and into the warm night air. There was a part of him that wanted to flee, to escape the whole mess of desire and denial. Emotions were not something Severus dealt well with, and he'd been subjected to such a roller-coaster of them lately that he felt dizzy. He looked up into the dark sky; the stars were hidden by the lights of the city, but the full moon was up in all her splendor, cold and grey and solitary. He'd always felt a certain affinity for the moon, in a odd way; the stars went about their appointed round in groups, always tied together, and the planets had their own complicated dance. Only the moon stood alone, separate, just as he had always felt.

Unfortunately, however, the moon had no more answers than he could come up with himself, and he drew in a breath, releasing it with a grumble as he hunched his shoulders and turned toward the dormitory. It was not in his nature to hide from things that were difficult, any more than it was in his nature to run away. He'd been through a hell of a lot in his life, had suffered more than was his due, and yet he knew it only made him stronger. It might hurt, and it might be hard, but he'd learned long ago to bend rather than break. There was, as he'd once told Remus, no sense in fretting about what couldn't be controlled; you simply had to accept it and do what you had to survive. Unfortunately, this was one of those times.

He returned to their room, determined to put his attraction to Remus behind him once and for all, to accept that Remus was straight and that there was nothing in the world and no amount of wishing that was ever going to cause that to change. The water was running in the shower, and so Severus changed quickly into pajama bottoms and a loose tank, then pulled back the bedspread and slid between the sheets. It was tempting to pretend to be asleep, but that would qualify as a sort of running away, and so he sat back against his pillows, picking up his book from the nightstand and trying to focus on the words. He didn't look up as he heard the bathroom door open and the soft steps of Remus crossing the room.

Remus sat down on the edge of his bed and regarded Severus somberly. "How's your headache?" he asked. "Did you take anything for it?"

Severus looked up from his book, steeling himself for the sight of Remus, forcing down the flare of hunger that threatened to rise as he saw Remus' smooth skin, flushed and damp from the shower, tendrils of wet hair clinging to his neck and making Severus' fingers ache to touch them. He shook his head. 

"I went for a short walk, and it helped," he replied, then dropped his eyes to his hands as his good intentions were put to a severe test by Remus' nearness. "It's been a hell of a week. I know I've been a bastard, and you haven't deserved it. It's not your fault, and I'm sorry."

"You don't owe me an apology," Remus said, waving one hand. "We're all under a lot of strain, and I understand if it's getting to you." He paused, hesitating before speaking again; he wanted to make an offer, but he wasn't certain how it would be received. "You've seemed tense lately, and that's probably not helping your headaches," he said slowly. "I've been told I give good massages. If you think it might help..."

Severus' eyes widened at the unexpected offer. Remus, give him a massage? He'd been halfway prepared for Remus' comment about the apology, because Remus was gracious that way - too gracious for his own good, sometimes - but for Remus to offer to give him a massage caught him completely off guard, leaving him as stunned as if Remus had suddenly pulled a knife and stabbed him. It felt like that a bit, too, a knife-sharp lance of frustrated desire through his gut, and he knew he'd rather cut out his own heart and toss it on the floor, or be dipped in burning acid to flay off his skin. It was insane, a stupid idea, and there was absolutely no way in hell that Severus could possibly refuse.

Thoughts of good intentions and roads to perdition crossed his mind as Severus drew in a deep breath, and nodded, a sharp, single bob of his head as though his body and mind were still debating the issue. "I'd like that. Thanks," he murmured, then frowned. "Er... what do I do? I've never had a massage before."

"Really?" Remus chuckled, the sound a little more giddy than he liked. He told himself that he was just trying to help a friend, and offering the massage had nothing to do with the fact that it would give him the opportunity to caress Severus' bare skin, but he had never been good at lying to himself. "Well, hopefullythis'll be a good first experience. Just lie down on your stomach. I'll focus on your shoulders and neck. You... uh. You could take your shirt off, but you don't have to," he added hastily. It would be easier on him if Severus didn't, but it would make the massage more difficult.

Remus seemed so happy that he'd accepted that Severus felt like a bit of a cad, knowing that he was going to enjoy this on a physical level far more than Remus intended. Deciding if he were going to go to hell, he might as well buy a first class ticket, Severus nodded again, then stripped his tank top off and tossed it toward the foot of the bed. He told himself that Remus had already seen him bare-chested, so it really didn't mean anything. A blatant falsehood, of course, but hopefully Remus would be thinking along the same lines.

Pushing down the covers, Severus rolled over, laying tensely on the mattress with his head pillowed on his crossed arms. "Is this all right?" he asked huskily, almost afraid to breathe lest Remus suddenly change his mind.

Remus swallowed hard, the sight of Severus sprawled on the bed giving him thoughts and ideas he had no business entertaining; he'd never been intimate with another man, but he had a vivid imagination, and he could think of a lengthy list of options, all inspired by Severus and the curve of his backside outlined by his pajama bottoms pulled tight.

"It's fine," he murmured, and then he hurried off to fetch a bottle of lotion from the bathroom.

When he returned, he approached Severus' bed and sat down beside Severus, tucking one leg beneath him; he flipped open the bottle and coated his hands, and then he reached out slowly and touched Severus' shoulders. Severus' skin was warm and smooth beneath his palms, and he released a slow breath, wishing things were different. If he didn't have to pretend, if Severus weren't straight... but he did and Severus was, and so he focused on kneading the tight muscles in Severus' shoulders and neck, working out the tension and forcing all other inappropriate thoughts from his mind.

The first touch of Remus' hands made Severus jump a bit; it had been a long time since he'd been touched intimately, and never quite like this. But Remus seemed to instinctively find the tightest knots in his shoulders, and as Remus worked at them, Severus began to relax, almost melting into the mattress beneath Remus' touch. "Feels good," he said, eyes sliding closed as he breathed deep, trying to consider the touch impersonal rather than sensual, and almost succeeding. Sort of.

"Good." Remus' voice was soft and deep. He shifted closer, the world seeming to dwindle down to just the two of them; for all his good intentions, he was finding it difficult to remain impersonal when Severus' skin was so warm, and he could catch the subtle spice of Severus' scent. It had been so long since he'd been close to _anyone_ , and he'd never been this close to a man he'd been attracted to before; he could feel his guard slipping, and he wanted this moment - this fleeting connection - too much to care.

He smoothed his hands down Severus' back in something close to a caress - a dangerous risk, but one he was prepared to take for the pleasure of feeling the slide of soft skin beneath his palms. He began massaging Severus' back, pressing firmly with his thumbs; he couldn't feel as much tension in the muscles as he moved lower, but he wasn't about to stop just yet.

The press of Remus' fingers and the firm slide of his palms over Severus' skin felt fantastic, although Severus frowned briefly, wondering wildly if some of the stroking was a little more than just an impersonal massage. Surely he was imagining it, just because he was desperately hoping for more; yet he turned his head slightly so that he could look at Remus through slitted eyes, enjoying the sight of his unguarded expression. Remus was moving lower and lower down Severus' back, and Severus had to bite back a soft moan as his unruly imagination pictured Remus continuing down his body into areas that no straight man would ever consider touching. He managed to turn the moan into a soft hum of pleasure, a more socially acceptable sound. Or at least he hoped it was.

Remus' breath caught involuntarily at the sound that escaped Severus. _He_ was causing Severus to make those sounds; he was making Severus feel good. It was nothing short of torturous that he had to stop. That he couldn't try to make Severus feel good in other ways. He leaned over, closing his eyes and breathing deeply of Severus' warm scent; his hands were stroking Severus' sides, the pretense of massage momentarily forgotten. Then with a start, he realized what he was doing, and he straightened abruptly and snatched hands away, a rush of heat flooding his face.

"Did that help?" he asked huskily.

One of Severus' hands shot out, capturing Remus' wrist as Severus rolled over, staring up at Remus with an intent frown. He wasn't stupid, and he was no virgin, unused to seduction; if Remus weren't trying to seduce him just now, he was doing a damned good imitation of it. It was torture, and Severus was going to get to the bottom of what Remus thought he was doing even if he had to throttle him to do it.

"What are you playing at?" he hissed sharply, eyes taking in Remus' flushed face and his rapid breathing before traveling lower, where evidence of Remus' arousal was quite evident. "You're so straight, they could use you for a ruler! Is this for sympathy, or what? Don't play with me, Lupin, or you'll find out I'm far, far nastier than you've ever seen."

Remus stared at him, bewilderment temporarily overriding his embarrassment at having letting his control slip so much. "What do you mean, sympathy? You're straight, and you have a girlfriend!"

"Apparently I'm about as straight as _you_ are," Severus snapped back, his eyes glittering dangerously. "I don't have a girlfriend. Lily is my _friend_ , that's all. What in the hell is your game? Do you get off on playing the little wholesome, corn-fed Bible Belt boy, then turning it around and trying to seduce men you think are straight?"

Remus felt the flush in his face grow hotter, and he scooted away from Severus, clasping his hands tightly in his lap. "I wasn't trying to seduce you," he murmured, turning his gaze downward. "It wasn't a game. I was... I was trying to help, that's all." It was a lame response, but he couldn't confess the truth.

Could he?

No. No, there wasn't any point in telling Severus the truth about himself. After this competition was over, they would go their separate ways, and he had to return to his own life, where coming out of the closet wasn't remotely an option.

"Help." Severus gave a short, bitter laugh, angry and frustrated and disappointed, his temper rising close to the boiling point. "Well, you'd better watch out what sorts of _help_ you offer someone next time, or you'll find that not all gay men take being teased as nicely as I do. Oh, no... some of them might decide that your innocent act is far too enticing and take what they want by force."

With that, he rolled out of the bed, groping for his tank top. "And don't go telling tales to anyone, Lupin, or I'll make sure they all know you're a cock-tease."

Remus didn't know whether he was more mortified over making a fool of himself and upsetting Severus or frustrated over learning Severus wasn't straight. That Severus was gay too made him _more_ of a temptation, not less, and Remus didn't know how he was going to manage staying in the same room with him. There was also the fact that part of him wanted to blurt out the truth and let the chips fall where they may, even if it meant tumbling into bed with Severus. He didn't know what he wanted or what to do, and for once, he acted without thinking, driven by a need to fix the mess he'd made.

He stood and approached Severus, stretching out one hand as if in supplication. "I wouldn't do that," he said, shaking his head. "I'm good at keeping secrets, and I don't want to hurt you. I like you, Severus. I wouldn't betray you, I promise."

If there was one thing Severus never believed in, it was promises.

He'd been betrayed so many times in his life - by the father who beat and belittled him, the mother who never protected him, by the people who pretended to be friends and then laughed at him behind his back. None of it was ever true, except for Lily, and why Severus had expected Remus to be any different, he didn't know. Or rather, he _did_ know. He'd _wanted_ Remus to be different because he'd wanted Remus, plain and simple. He was furious: at Remus, at the situation, but mostly at himself for being a stupid, romantic fool. He'd bought into Remus' disarming charm hook, line, and sinker, and now he was paying the price.

Well, if he was going to pay, so was Remus.

With a snarled curse, Severus threw down his tank top and grasped Remus by the shoulders, fingers biting in painfully as he pulled Remus hard against his body. It was madness, and he knew he'd hate himself later for giving in to the violent impulse, but at the moment, he didn't care. Lowering his head, he crushed his lips against Remus', devouring Remus' mouth with bruising hunger. Let Remus learn what it meant to betray him - let Remus feel what it was like to be betrayed himself.

Too shocked to move or think, Remus froze, his eyes flying open wide - and then sliding closed as he parted his lips on a moan. His mind had shut down, and his body had taken over, urging him to give in to hunger and passion, and he did, flinging his arms around Severus and clutching him close, his nails digging into Severus' back.

It was his first kiss with another man, and even as rough and punishing as it was, he loved it. He could feel Severus' raw male energy, and he fed on it, giving it back two-fold. There was no need to be gentle or careful; he could unleash his fierce need at last, and he did, turning the kiss back on Severus and devouring him with all the pent-up longing he'd felt since they met in Vegas.

Severus wasn't certain what he'd expected - anger, probably, Remus pushing him away, perhaps even slugging him, or maybe withdrawing in cold, righteous fury, threatening to have Severus thrown off the show. But he'd certainly not expected _this_ , the way Remus suddenly went wild against him, moaning and pulling Severus so close it felt as though he were trying to crawl into Severus' skin. It was rather like poking a kitten and having it suddenly turn into a tiger, all teeth and claws and ferocity, but Severus was beyond caring. All he felt now was the hunger that had been tormenting him for so long, and if Remus felt it, too, then damn the consequences.

He moved his hands down to Remus' hips, pulling Remus against him so that Remus could feel how aroused he was. Severus was still angry, but anger was a close cousin of passion, something Severus also had in abundance, and it was suddenly impossible to tell one from the other. All Severus knew was that he wasn't about to let Remus go, not if his life depended on it; the bed was right there, against the back of his legs, and Severus let himself fall, pulling Remus down with him and wrapping his legs around Remus' thighs, trapping him.

Remus fell with him willingly, the feel of Severus' long legs wrapped around him coaxing a groan from his throat; he plundered Severus' mouth, unable to get enough of Severus' taste and tongue and lips, and if his body hadn't been taut with raging need, he felt he might have gone on kissing Severus forever. But he needed _more_ , and he began to rock his hips, seeking relief with the rhythmic undulation even as he continued the deep, drugging kisses.

Through the haze of his own passion, Severus was aware of Remus moving against him, the needy little sounds he was making driving Severus closer to the edge himself. The situation had exploded between them, and Severus was desperately torn between letting things go on as they were and trying for more. If this was to be the only time he could have Remus in any way, he wanted more than a clothed tumble which Remus could easily claim was an accident. He wanted Remus to _know_ who was in his arms, to be unable to say that he hadn't known what he was doing. Yet if he did, would Remus push him away completely?

It was worth the risk; with a small growl, Severus pushed against the mattress, rolling them over so that he was atop Remus, pressing him down into the mattress. He began to kiss his way down Remus' body - jaw, neck, throat, then sliding down Remus' body and pushing up Remus' t-shirt so that he could press lips and tongue to Remus' smooth, muscled torso, breathing in deeply of Remus' scent and willing Remus not to push him away.

Moaning, Remus clutched Severus' shoulders and wrapped his legs around Severus' waist, feeling as if he were melting into the mattress thanks to Severus' ministrations. He'd been touched and kissed before, but this time was different. _This_ time, he wasn't just going through the motions and trying to pretend he was wildly aroused. This time, he really _was_. He was amazed at how different it was being touched and kissed by a man - how different the energy and the sensations were.

Eager for more, he pushed up enough to strip off his tee-shirt, and he flung it over the side of the bed, heedless of where it landed, and he reached for Severus again, stroking and kneading his shoulders.

"Severus..." he murmured, watching Severus with a heated gleam in his pale eyes. "Feels good..."

Severus was relieved that Remus didn't push him away - and that Remus was quite aware of what was happening. The sound of his name on Remus' lips, spoken in that sultry tone of voice was more than gratifying, as was the desire in Remus' eyes. Oh, yes, Remus knew what was happening, and Severus couldn't help smirking a bit, pleased by the fact that he was the one making Remus desperate with need.

But he wanted even more, and he nipped at the skin on Remus' hip as he pushed Remus' sweatpants out of the way, then moved lower, almost drowning in the heady muskiness of Remus' scent. He raised his eyes, holding Remus' gaze as he slowly, slowly took Remus into his mouth, wanting to see every expression on Remus' face.

Remus' moans devolved into needy groans as Severus' mouth sheathed him, engulfing him in wet heat; it wasn't the first time he'd experienced _that_ , but it was so different - so much better - now that Severus was the one tormenting and arousing him. Perhaps Remus would have felt this way with any man who touched him, but perhaps part of it was because it was Severus, whom he found attractive and intriguing and maddening in equal measure.

"Yes..." he breathed, burying his fingers in Severus' hair and stroking it gently. "God, yes... Severus..."

He could feel his desire spiking higher, and he gave himself over to it willingly, his body growing taut as he neared the edge.

This was what Severus craved, the feel of Remus touching him, saying his name with desire. He continued to do his best to drive Remus mad, wanting to drive him completely over the edge, so he clutched Remus' hips with his hands and moved faster, humming deeply in his throat in satisfaction.

The feel of Severus humming was too much, stretching Remus' tenuous control to the breaking point, and Remus didn't bother fighting his body's desperate need. With a wild cry, he let go and let himself fall over the edge, his fingers tightening in Severus' hair as he gave himself over fully to the release Severus offered.

Slumping against the mattress, he felt utterly boneless in the aftermath, his heart pounding and his breathing ragged. He ran his fingers through Severus' hair gently, in no hurry to move.

"So... yeah. You were right," he murmured, smiling wryly. "I'm not straight."

Severus felt a surge of triumph as Remus came undone beneath him, and he remained where he was until the tension drained from Remus' body and Remus was completely sated. Then Severus lifted his head, dark eyes glittering as Remus made his admission, licking his lips in satisfaction.

"Do tell," he drawled, then began to kiss his way back up Remus' body, his own aching need not yet completely fulfilled. He claimed Remus' lips, kissing him deeply, before rolling to the side, capturing one of Remus' hands and bringing it to his arousal. "Show me."

The feel of Severus' hard length beneath his hand sent a tingle down Remus' spine, and he felt a surge of fresh desire; he had never done this to someone else before, but he'd done it himself often enough, and he _wanted_ to do this. He wanted to watch Severus' pleasure and know that he had been the one to cause it.

Shifting closer, he tugged his hand free of Severus' grasp, but only so he could smooth it down the length of Severus' torso, caressing his warm, bare skin; when he reached the waistband of Severus' pajama bottoms, he hooked his fingers in it and eased the garment down past Severus' hips. Glancing down so he could see what he was doing, he curled his fingers around Severus and began to stroke him, slowly at first, but with an increasing tempo as he felt the response in Severus' body.

"Like that?" he murmured, looking up at Severus with guileless eyes.

"Yes, like that," Severus purred, arching his back in a wanton display as Remus stroked him. He'd been half convinced that Remus would demur, but it was more than pleasurable to have Remus' strong, supple fingers caressing his aching flesh. He raised a brow at Remus' innocent expression, but any snarky comment he might have made was lost as he groaned, his own desire rapidly rising to a fever pitch. He would have liked to prolong the moment, to draw it out into hours of tormented pleasure, but he was too far gone. Within a few seconds, he cried out, body rigid as he shattered, driven over the edge into complete ecstasy.

When he came down from the heights, he gazed at Remus, feeling sated and yet oddly apprehensive at the same time.

Remus watched raptly, fascinated by the play of emotion on Severus' face and the openness Severus revealed in the throes of release that wasn't seen at any other time, making him look far more boyish than he usually did. Remus felt proud of having given Severus such pleasure, a bashful sense of accomplishment that made him feel giddy and abashed at the same time.

Leaning over, he brushed a swift kiss to Severus' lips. "I'll be right back," he said as he rolled out of bed, straightened his clothes, and headed to the bathroom.

He washed his hands and cleaned himself up, and then he prepared a hot, soapy washcloth for Severus; returning to the bed, he offered the washcloth before climbing back on and stretching out beside Severus once more. He had noticed the guardedness underlying Severus' expression, but if Severus expected him to recoil in horror over what they had done, he was bound to be surprised. Remus wasn't horrified or disgusted; it had been in fact, the best sexual experience of his life, and he just wished he didn't have to return to playing straight.

He rolled onto his side, facing Severus, and tucked his arm beneath his head. "That was great," he said, smiling. "Unexpected, but great."

Severus had watched Remus' departure with hooded eyes, steeling himself just in case Remus suddenly fled the room. But he could hear the water running in the bathroom, and then Remus was returning, smiling at him in that almost child-like way that made Severus want to kiss him breathless. He didn't, but he did accept the washcloth with a murmured thanks, cleaning himself up swiftly. Then he stretched out again, mirroring Remus' position and wondering where in the hell they were going to go now. He knew what he'd _like_ to do, but despite the way Remus was smiling, Severus couldn't help feeling a bit of trepidation; nothing pleasurable came without some sort of consequences.

Still he couldn't help but relax a bit, sated as he had not been in a very long time, his anger drained away. Severus hadn't had a lover in a long time, and while he wasn't certain this aspired to such a lofty title, he couldn't help feeling a bit of hope that it might indeed go farther. 

"I agree," he murmured, arching a brow at Remus in inquiry. "I'm glad you feel that way, because I have no intention of apologizing."

"I wasn't going to ask you to," Remus replied, not surprised that his suspicions were confirmed.

He wanted to reach out and stroke Severus' cheek and snuggle closer, but he wasn't sure how Severus would react to such overt displays, and it wasn't a good idea to get too close anyway. He didn't regret what they had done, but he knew he couldn't make a habit out of it; it wouldn't be fair to him or Severus. He only wished things could be different, because now that he'd had a taste of what he had been denying himself all this time, he was going to have a hell of a time giving it up again.

"I'm not going to apologize for responding how I did," he added, and then he lowered his gaze. "I _will_ apologize for accidentally leading you on, though. I honestly wasn't trying to be a cock-tease."

Severus debated with himself for a moment, then reached out with a hand to cradle Remus' jaw, stroking his thumb over Remus' cheekbone. "I'm a terrible listener and likely to roll my eyes at you, but... if you need to talk about it, I'll do my best. I have the feeling you mean it, about not teasing, but... you playing straight isn't fair to you, or to anyone else that might find themselves attracted to you."

Remus couldn't help closing his eyes and relaxing beneath Severus' touch, but Severus' words made him open his eyes and meet Severus' gaze levelly. "I've never deliberately led anyone on," he said firmly. "This is the first time anything like this has ever happened to me." He smiled a little sheepishly and gave a one-shouldered shrug. "Probably because I'm the only homosexual in my home town, and all the gay guys in the Dance Department atOU assumed I'm straight and left me alone. And..." He hesitated, then decided after what they'd just done, there was no point in hiding anything. "I've never been as attracted to anyone as I am to you, so it's been easy to keep up the ruse."

Severus was torn between kissing Remus for that and yelling at him for being an idiot in caring what anyone thought about his orientation, so he decided to do both. Moving like a pouncing cat, he pushed Remus back on the bed, straddling his hips and leaning down to kiss him hard. How could he not, when Remus had admitted to being attracted to him?

But then Severus pulled back, scowling down at Remus severely. "You shouldn't care what anyone else thinks, if it's how you _feel_. Denying a fundamental part of yourself just to play along with the rules of a narrow-minded, bigoted set of hicks is only going to lead to _you_ suffering for the benefit of not getting their noses out of joint! I admit, I didn't come out and scream my own orientation because I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, but that was different, because I was attracted only to you and thought you were straight and it was pointless to risk alienating you. But if you'd asked me, I wouldn't have lied just to spare your delicate sensibilities!"

Remus was shocked to find himself on the receiving end of yet another searing kiss, and the part of him that wasn't moaning and kissing Severus back wondered if this was how Severus generally dealt with opposition, namely kissing it into submission. But then Severus pulled back, and while it was difficult to concentrate on making sense while Severus was straddling him, Remus managed to shake his head nonetheless.

"You don't understand," he said. "My family is incredibly conservative and religious. My parents genuinely believe homosexuality is a sin, and that's a belief shared by pretty much everyone I know." He sighed quietly and looked away. "I'm from a small town. A _very_ small town. When I was ten, I saw some high school boys beating up another boy. Their victim was skinny and studious, and he took piano lessons instead of going out for football. He was often called 'prissy', even by adults. He may or may not have been gay, but just the thought that he _might_ be was enough to make him a target. I didn't want that to happen to me, and I didn't want to be disowned, so I've pretended to be straight ever since I realized I wasn't. It's literally not safe for me to do anything else at home."

"Bah! You're a grown man, and if you're at OU, then you're well rid of such narrow-minded morons." Severus' eyes glittered, thinking about his own ordeals over his homosexuality. He carried a lot of bitterness, and he knew it, but anger had gotten him through some bad situations. "If your parents didn't understand, then they don't deserve to have you as a son! What kind of parents make their love and acceptance conditional on you being something you aren't? What, would they rather you married some vapid female and were miserable for the rest of your life, rather than being who and what you are and being happy?"

"How could I be really happy without my family?" Remus gazed up at him with genuine bewilderment. "I _have_ thought about it, but even if my parents didn't disown me, I wouldn't be able to go home again without risk. If a couple of guys got drunk and decided to teach the town fairy a lesson... What if they damaged my leg and ended my dancing career? What if they didn't stop at a little roughing up? I can't take that chance."

"It's simple - don't go back!" Severus stared at Remus as though he were completely thick. "It sounds to me as though you can't be happy with your family, either, in which case my advice is to shut them out as they deserve. Making yourself a hypocrite to protect a false image of yourself is ridiculous! So what are you going to do with the rest of your life? Marry the girl they pick out for you, pop out a dozen little brats who will be raised to be just as narrow minded?" The thought of Remus doing just that made Severus positively ill.

"I don't expect you to understand," Remus said quietly. From what he could tell, it sounded as if Severus had a difficult home life, which probably made it easier for him to advise walking away. "I love my family, and I had a happy childhood. As crazy as it may sound to you, I don't want to give up my family ties. I don't want to cut off all my relatives and friends at home. I don't want to lose them, because that's my _home_. I don't want to be totally alone in the world." He lowered his gaze again, feeling ashamed of his own neediness, especially in comparison to Severus' fierce independence. He envied Severus, who made it sound so easy to cut ties and walk away, but he knew it wasn't. "I don't want the people I love to hate me," he murmured.

"So you'll end up being a martyr and hating yourself." Severus snarled, then moved off Remus and stalked across the room. He had no right to be this angry, really; it was Remus' life, and why did he give a damn if the man was going to throw it all away to play happy families with people who would never understand or appreciate his sacrifice? But he _was_ angry, and he didn't stop to examine the reasons too closely, knowing that they would speak too deeply of his own weaknesses. "Fine. It's your life, whatever. Go on and sacrifice your own happiness just to suck up to a bunch of bigots. If you won't stand up for yourself, maybe you don't deserve any better."

Moving to the dresser, he pulled out jeans and a t-shirt, then proceeded to change right there in front of Remus; after what they had just done, any body modesty would be idiotic. He pulled the shirt over his head, tugging his long hair viciously out of the collar, then turning to glare at Remus again. "I wonder... maybe you're as narrow-minded as they are and ashamed of what you are, in which case, you're doomed, Lupin. Just don't expect anyone to have any sympathy for your impression of Joan of Arc. Because you _wouldn't_ be alone in the world. If you think you're the first homosexual to go through this, then you're even more delusional than your family."

Remus sat up, shifting to sit cross-legged on the bed, and wrapped his arms around himself in a protective gesture even as he watched Severus dress, unable to keep himself from looking and admiring even in the midst of an argument. He felt a little curl of anger in his chest at Severus' dismissive, judgmental attitude, but he couldn't muster much of an argument. He knew he was making a sacrifice, but he couldn't imagine severing his ties with the people he loved, and the thought of them turning on him and hating him made him feel sick and cold inside. He knew Severus was right; he could find friends and support groups, but that wasn't the same thing, and he didn't think friendships or romantic relationships were as reliable as family; friends and lovers could go away, and relationships ended all the time.

 _But if your family would kick you out because you're gay, they aren't reliable either_ , a traitorous little voice popped up in the back of his mind, and he silenced it quickly.

"I know I'm not the only one who's ever been in this position," he said, schooling his features into a blank mask. "I don't recall asking you for sympathy either. I'm sorry you've had such a terrible family life that you can walk away from it and not look back, but I'm not like you, and I don't appreciate you judging me."

Severus laughed, a sound with no mirth in it. "You have no idea about my family, Lupin. Let's just say that I prefer monsters who wear their faces where I can see them, rather than the ones who place nice and hide their treachery under a veil of sweetness and light. Continue down your own path to hell, and I'll continue down mine, and we'll see in the end who's still standing. Whatever way I stand in judgment on you doesn't matter in the end, you know; you're the one who has to live with yourself. I just hope you can stand your own company."

With that, he turned to the door, opening it and stepping out into the hall. He didn't slam it behind him, though; instead he closed it quietly, then stalked down the hall, headed back out into the night. He didn't know where he was going, and he really didn't care. All he knew was he had to get away from Remus before he gave into impulses that were far too dangerous to risk.

Remus sat on the bed for long minutes after Severus departed, clenching his hands tightly to keep them from shaking as he tried to calm his jumbled emotions. He knew Severus had valid points, but he also knew Severus didn't - perhaps couldn't - understand how he felt or why it was so hard for him to consider breaking ties with everyone he knew for the sake of his own selfish happiness. He wanted to be loved, and he knew his parents did love him, even if the version of him they loved was nothing more than a masquerade.

Finally, he moved, feeling as if he were on auto-pilot as he reached for the phone to call the show's liaison. In a matter of minutes, he'd arranged to switch rooms and move in with Bill, and he packed up his things quickly with sick, cold dread knotting his stomach. He was running, and he knew it, but he didn't dare remain in the same room with Severus any longer. It wasn't safe for more reasons than one, and he didn't know if his will power could hold out against the temptation Severus presented.

But Severus hadn't volunteered to be part of the family Remus would have to create to make up for the loss of his real one, and Severus probably would disappear from his life as soon as the show was over anyway, and Remus couldn't risk his entire life just to gain Severus' approval.

He left the room quietly, leaving no note of apology or explanation. He didn't know how they were going to get through the rest of the competition, but putting a little distance between them would help.

He hoped.


	10. The Rumor Mill

If a glacier was cold, then Severus was the entire continent of Antarctica. 

Two weeks had passed in a blur from the time Severus returned to the dormitory to find that Remus had moved out of their room. Something within him froze then, cold and hard as steel over any other feelings he might have had about the situation. He shouldn't have been surprised that Remus had run away like some wounded puppy, but Severus wasn't going to let it get to him. Oh, no... if anything, he was more determined to win this damned competition just to show _everyone_ that he could stand alone.

At first, Lily had tried to draw him out, but after enough monosyllabic answers, even she had stepped back, her concern turning to annoyance as Severus gave her and everyone else the silent treatment. In rehearsals, he was flawless, never missing a step and rarely having to be told something twice by any of the choreographers, but in a way, it was mechanical, the precision of a machine rather than a man. He even smiled on cue, and if the expression never reached anywhere near his eyes, well, the television cameras weren't discerning enough to tell. The judges could, and they dinged him for it in the Viennese Waltz he and Lily drew for week three, and in the Contemporary routine they had for week four, but the fans seemed to like whatever it was they saw, because he and Lily continued to be passed through with no problems. 

They had drawn Disco for week five, but Severus wouldn't have cared if it had been the hokey pokey. It was simply another thing to be gotten through, another hurdle between himself and winning this competition so that he could spit in everyone's eye and tell them all to go to hell.

Especially Remus damned Lupin.

Severus refused to even look at Remus, avoiding him whenever possible and acting as though he wasn't there the rest of the time. Ana-Marie and Camryn, who had seemed to like Severus so much at the beginning, even began to frown at him, and James Potter, the bastard, just smirked as though he knew something, which he didn't. But Severus didn't even bother to comment when James began to schmooze Lily all the time; he simply couldn't care, wouldn't let himself care, because that would mean a loss of control he wasn't willing to risk.

Nothing had changed as the morning of the performance show dawned, and Severus dressed and went down to breakfast in the canteen as he always did, refusing to let anything upset his routine. The other dancers were already there, but he avoided them all, choosing to take his food to a solitary table as he had for the last few weeks and pulling out a textbook to ward off any attempts someone might feel compelled to make to draw him out. He wasn't even certain he needed it any longer, since everyone seemed well and truly ready to leave him alone, but by now, it was habit, and it was easier to keep up the pretense.

He was just finishing up his bagel when a shadow fell across his book, and he looked up with a shuttered expression to find James Potter standing over him, smirking in a most unpleasant manner.

"So, Snape, don't you have any comment about all the rumors that are floating around?" James asked, his tone full of nasty amusement.

"I am unaware of any rumors, nor do I care about your asinine gossip," Severus replied coldly, then returned his attention to his book, not caring whether Potter stood there all day or not.

"Even when it's about you?"

Severus' eyes narrowed, but he didn't give Potter the satisfaction of acknowledging him, wishing now, however, that a hole would open up in the ground and swallow the misbegotten bastard. He'd dealt with bullies plenty of times, and the only way to win short of beating them senseless was to let them go on and on until they eventually ran out of wit and went in search of an easier target.

"It's pretty bad, really... I mean, if it's _true_." Potter continued to blather on. Apparently annoyed, he leaned down closer to Severus. "And if you won't defend yourself, then it surely must be true!"

Severus longed to stand up and deck Potter for being an asshole, but he didn't want to risk getting thrown off the show. No doubt that was what Potter was going for, and Severus continued to ignore him.

"So, is it true, Snape? Did you really make a pass at Remus and that's why he moved in with Bill, to get away from you?"

Icy rage settled into the pit of Severus' stomach, and his hands tightened on his book, knuckles turning white. His eyes narrowed, but inside, he felt sick that Lupin would do this, telling Potter about what had happened and making himself out to be the injured party rather than confessing to being a willing participant. He glanced up then, but not at Potter; he looked at Lupin, eyes glittering dangerously.

Potter wasn't done. "So tell us, Snape, are you queer?"

At that, Severus turned his head, then rose smoothly to his feet, so quickly that Potter was forced to step back. Severus was taller than Potter, and he stepped forward, lips curled, as he tilted his head and spoke in a deep, purring voice.

"Why, Potter, are you cruising for a piece of ass?" he asked. "Sorry, I'm not interested in braindead little pricks. Emphasis on the little. Nor do I have to make passes at bland little mama's boys. I prefer _real_ men... of which I'm the only one in the room."

He had the satisfaction of seeing Potter turn puce, sputtering as he tried to find a comeback. Obviously, he hadn't expected Severus' attack, nor the viciousness of it, but Severus was already beyond caring. He whirled, leaving James and his unfinished breakfast behind, and crossed to Lily. "I'll meet you in the practice room, when you can tear yourself away from your friends," he snapped, before turning and heading toward the door.

"Severus! Dammit!" Lily yelled after him, rising up as well. "What in the hell is wrong with you?"

Severus stopped, turning and looking at her with a raised brow. "Why don't you ask Potter? Apparently he has all the answers. Once he can find his tongue again, that is."

Remus' appetite fled as soon as James sauntered over to confront Severus, and he bowed his head, a heated blush rising in his cheeks as he listened to the pointless needling. His face drained of all color, and he couldn't hold back an involuntary gasp, however, as soon as James blurted out the supposed rumor; _he_ hadn't heard that rumor, and if he had, he would have squashed it.

Shoving back his chair, he jumped up and hurried to catch up with Severus.

"I didn't tell anyone that," he said without preamble, wanting to get in whatever words he could before Severus verbally flayed him too and walked away. "I don't know how that rumor got started, but it wasn't me. I haven't told anyone anything about why I switched rooms. I swear it."

Severus didn't even pause in his stride as Lupin spoke, nor did he glance in Lupin's direction. "And I'm the tooth fairy," he bit out.

Remus' temper didn't flare often, but he had borne the brunt of either Severus' temper or his cold disdain since the beginning of the competition, and even Remus' patience had limits. With a frustrated noise like a growl, he grabbed Severus' arm and forcibly stopped him, and he pushed himself into Severus' path, forcing Severus to look at him.

"I didn't tell anyone," he repeated angrily, glaring up at Severus. "I told you before: I'm good at keeping secrets. _I'm_ not the one who got angry and stormed out that night. I wasn't pissed off enough to want to hurt you, and..." He lowered his voice so no one could overhear. "And you know I took responsibility for my part in what happened. I don't know where James got that idea, but it wasn't from me."

Severus stopped, snatching his arm out of Remus' grasp and barely restraining himself from punching Remus in the face. "Oh, yes, you're good at keeping secrets," Severus hissed. "And what better way to keep yours than to do what you do best and lie about what _you_ are, as you've been doing all along? And no, you didn't get angry and storm off, which I could almost have respected. Instead you slunk out like a whipped puppy and went to lick your wounds alone. Your choice, Lupin - and now that you've made it, get the fuck out of my way."

Remus reared back as if Severus _had_ hit him, and he could feel the blood draining from his face again as he stared up at Severus. Part of him wanted to argue and force Severus to listen until he accepted that Remus hadn't done anything to hurt him, but he doubted it would do any good. And that saddened him more than he cared to admit, but he rallied himself for one more try.

"I left so neither of us would continue to anger and upset each other since it seems like we have irreconcilable views," he said with quiet dignity. "But one thing hasn't changed despite how you've treated me: I like you. Whether you believe it or not, I wouldn't deliberately hurt you. If you can't accept that, then think about this: starting a rumor like that could have backfired on me. As diligently as I've protected my secret all these years, do you really think I'd take a huge risk that might have outed me too?"

Severus fought down the anger; to be angry meant that he cared what Lupin said or thought, and he didn't. Lupin had made his choice; he wanted his mommy and daddy to believe their little boy was the perfect son, not a flaming queer. It didn't matter what Severus felt for Lupin, because he'd lose. He wasn't about to throw his life away mooning over a man who would rather have a perfect lie than a real relationship.

"Of course, because you're perfect, aren't you?" Severus asked, his voice totally dead. "And I have no doubt that you'd do anything it took to protect your absolutely spotless reputation, up to and including villanizing me if there were any remote hint that you moving out might reflect badly on you. As far as my treatment of you... what does it matter? You can always go cry to your mama or to one of those myriad girls you're going to have sex with for the rest of your life, looking for something that you are never, ever going to find."

Remus stared up at him in silence for a long moment, feeling something within him wither. Severus hated him, and there was nothing he could say to change that. That hurt, but he would deal with the hurt later; right now, he was angry too, coldly furious that Severus was so stubborn and judgmental, refusing to see things from his perspective or exert the slightest amount of understanding or compassion.

"And you can always keep pushing people away for the rest of your life until you find yourself completely alone after you've driven off everyone, including your most patient friends because even they've finally gotten tired of putting up with your shit," he said, his voice tight with anger. "You don't need me to villanize you, Severus. You do a damned good job of that all by yourself."

With that, he whirled and walked away, refusing to continue playing Severus' game. If Severus wanted him to go away and leave him alone, Remus would gladly comply from now on.


	11. Reality Check

"That was... simply atrocious."

Clive's cultured British accent didn't make his observation any easier to bear, and it didn't help that privately, Severus agreed. He was definitely having an off night, and it was all thanks to James fucking Potter and Remus god-damned Lupin. And thanks to himself, of course, and he was angriest about that; he'd let the two of them get to him, and now he and perhaps Lily were going to pay the price. Failure sat on him like a bitter cloak, but he straightened his spine and faced Maria.

"Well, that wasn't exactly disco, but he's still got great hips!" she quipped, waggling her brows at Severus, who barely suppressed a wince. That was almost worse than her saying he was hopeless.

"You let your partner down," the third judge, a Contemporary choreographer, said sadly. "Lily was great, but you, Severus... we expect more out of you, especially at this stage in the competition."

Severus didn't hear anything else, and after some sympathetic murmuring by Kate, they headed off the stage. As they reached the curtains, Severus stopped, a hand on Lily's arm. 

"I'm sorry. They're all right, it's my fault. You deserve better," he said gruffly, shoulders sagging as the whole weary weight of the last few weeks seemed to suddenly press down upon him.

Lily glared at him for a moment, but then her expression softened. "You're a moron," she said, smacking him in the arm. "And yes, it was your fault, all of it, and I'm sad to say that if we make it through by some miracle, I'm looking forward to not being your partner next week." She shook her head. "I don't know what's gotten into your head, Severus, but you'd better get it out or go home. This may be a game to you, but to me, it's _real_."

Severus actually winced at that; his reality check had come due in a big way. "I know."

She paused. "Do you want to talk about it? Something happened between you and Remus, didn't it? Oh, don't you glare at me. I'm not stupid!" She must have seen his expression close down again, because she sighed suddenly. "All right, all right, I know that look. But dammit, Severus, you might have screwed us both this week. I'm not going to hate you... much... if we get kicked off, but I swear you're going to owe me _big_."

"You won't get kicked off," Severus said with complete certainty. "I might, but you won't. They could tell it wasn't you."

Lily considered him for a moment. "So... assuming we end up in the bottom, are you really going to try in your solo? Somehow I can't see you quitting, but honestly, I don't know what to think anymore."

Severus thought about that for long moment, and then he nodded. "I'm going to try. I don't want to leave, not yet. I have something I need to prove." He set his mouth in a grim line. "Failure is not an option."

"That's the spirit," Lily replied. "Look, if you need to talk..."

Severus drew in a deep breath. "Thanks, Lily, but... there's nothing you can do. As you said, I've screwed it up all by myself, so I'll just have to live with it."

On his way to meet up with Dora in the wings, Remus overheard Lily and Severus talking; he slowed his steps, his attention caught by Lily's question about whether Severus would really try to stay in the competition. He hoped what had happened between them and the confrontation with James hadn't shaken Severus' drive. Severus' response reassured him, although he still felt a twinge of guilt over the part he'd probably played in throwing Severus off his game. He'd done what he could to squash the hateful rumors, letting the news "slip" that Severus was a light sleeper and had been losing valuable sleep because of Remus' snoring, although the fact that Severus was ignoring him probably wasn't helping lay the rumors to rest.

But Remus resumed his pace and didn't look at either of them as he walked by on his way to the stage; he had his own performance to worry about, and Severus was no longer his concern. Severus had cut him loose with ease, and that said everything he needed to know about the amount of trust and faith he could put in Severus' reliability.

Severus couldn't help his eyes following Remus' progress toward the stage, and Lily must have noticed something, because he felt her hand on his arm.

"You can always start over," she said softly. "Don't throw away friendship for the sake of your pride, Severus."

"You're the only one I can count on," Severus replied with shrug. 

Lily chuckled and shook her head. "I don't have to be, you know. I wouldn't mind sharing you with someone else. He's a good man. I think he's worth the effort."

With that, she craned up to kiss Severus' cheek, then turned and headed toward the greenroom. "I'd better go get started on that solo, and so should you. If you're planning to stick around, that is." 

Severus watched her leave, then bit his lip for a moment. Maybe Remus was worth it. Deep in his heart, he didn't think Remus had told James - or anyone else - anything about what had happened, but it had suited his pride and anger to think that Remus had betrayed him. Now he could see what all of this was costing him, and he decided that the price was entirely too high. It was up to him to fix the mess he'd made, because Lily was right: Remus _was_ worth the effort. 

Even if Severus would never tell Remus that in a million years.


	12. Tentative Truce

The lights were blinding, and Severus was, for the first time, actually nervous.

As expected, he and Lily had ended up in the bottom three, and now only thirty seconds stood between victory and defeat. It didn't help, either, that they'd reached the point in the show where all the obviously weak dancers had already been eliminated, and the other two couples who were also dancing for their lives were very good, indeed. This was also an important elimination in another way: those left after tonight would be the top ten, and that meant a lucrative summer tour which would net a lot of money for all of them. Not that it was just about the money, of course, but having come from a dirt poor family, Severus was well aware that money went a long way toward making life easier, especially for an aspiring scientist who enjoyed pure research.

He'd prepared a solo the previous night, after his conversation with Lily had brought into focus the fact that he _did_ want to stay. He'd given it a lot of thought, because thirty seconds was an incredibly short time in which to prove one's ability and convince the judges that he was worth keeping. Even so, he wasn't exactly certain of the result, and so he bounced lightly on the balls of his feet, keeping his muscles limber as he waited his turn to dance.

Next to him, Lily took a deep breath as her name was called, and he offered her a reassuring smile. If anyone would be kept, it would be Lily, because she was far too good to be cut at this stage of the game. Still, nothing was certain, and he knew that if she ended up being eliminated, he would feel guilty for the rest of his life.

Time slowed to a crawl, and it seemed as if he could count every beat of Lily's music, hear it pounding in time with his heart. Then it was over, and Lily was talking to Kate, and then it was his turn. His time to shine or to fall flat on his face once and for all.

"And here he is... Severus!" Kate called out, and Severus stalked from the wings, taking on the persona he'd decided on for this all-too-brief dance. There were a lot of Contemporary and Ballroom dancers in the competition this season, and he was one of only two Hip-Hop dancers left. He hoped that would help him, and he played to it, to the fierce passion which set him apart from everyone else on the show.

His music was a thundering rhythm, and he moved with it, hurling his body into each move, hitting every beat so hard, he thought he might dislocate something. He had a few tricks, too: a back flip, a turn, and finally one of the incredibly high leaps that were his signature. His inspiration for the bit was a marionette, and he tried to make it obvious that he was being pulled too and fro, jerked from side to side as if by invisible strings.

Then it was over, and he stood, panting, as silence seemed to stretch out around him, permeating through him. Then the applause started, and he almost sagged in relief at how loud it was; there were even people chanting for him and holding up signs with his name on them, one of which had the "V" made into a heart.

Kate motioned him over, and he walked to her side, one of the few dancers who was taller than she was, even in her high heeled shoes. She looked up at him, smiling a smile that he thought might have been more than just for the cameras. "Well, that was something! Do you think it was good enough to keep you in the competition?"

"I hope so," Severus replied, his voice uncharacteristically soft. Normally he was rather curt in interviews, which he knew didn't win him any points. "Only the judges can decide now, though. I gave it my best, and I hope the judges will see my desire to stay is stronger than anyone else's."

"Let's hope so!" Kate agreed. 

Severus turned and headed off the stage as Kate began to explain to the television audience about what the judges would do now, as she did every week. He didn't pay it any attention and walked back to the greenroom where the other dancers were waiting. Whatever happened now was out of his hands, so he might as well not worry about it.

Remus had been in the waiting area with the rest of the dancers, but Dora was so upset over it being their last week to dance together that she'd become exceptionally clingy, and he'd finally invented an excuse to leave the room, claiming he had to use the restroom for fear she might follow him otherwise. He was relieved and more than a little proud not to have landed in the bottom three so far; if nothing else, he would be able to go on the top ten tour, which he hoped might give his career a good start. He still wanted to win, however; he wanted to make damned sure he _could_ have a career in dance, not have to go home to Deer Lick in defeat.

He'd felt a bit guilty and a bit sorry for Severus, but only a bit. Severus had created a lot of his problems himself, and Remus still wasn't inclined to forget that Severus had blamed him for starting that nasty rumor. He didn't like confrontations, but he wasn't going to let himself be used as a convenient target, either. Thus he'd been avoiding Severus as much as was possible under the circumstances, and it gave him a start when he nearly collided with Severus, who'd obviously just come off-stage from dancing his solo.

"Excuse me," he said, his manners kicking in out of habit, but he eyed Severus warily as he edged around and away from him.

Severus stepped back, blinking as Remus stepped in front of him, and he ended up almost tripping over his own feet. Yet perhaps this was fortuitous, and Severus drew in a deep breath before he could talk himself out of it. 

"Remus... I'm sorry. For..." Severus waved a hand in the air and shrugged uncomfortably. He wasn't used to apologizing, but it was now or it might literally end up being never, and even his own stubborn pride wouldn't allow him to part for Remus with such bad blood between them. "For everything. I know you didn't tell James. I lashed out, and I shouldn't have. Anyway... this might be the night I have to leave, and I just wanted you to know."

Severus turned then and started to walk away, not wanting Remus to see his flushed cheeks and think he was some kind of weak idiot.

Gaping at Severus' retreating back, Remus stood frozen for a moment, unsure of what to say - or if he'd actually heard what he thought he'd heard. Never had he imagined Severus would apologize; he'd pegged Severus as being far too proud and stubborn for that. But Severus had, and Remus wasn't the kind who could hold grudges. Severus would probably accuse him of being too soft, but he didn't like not getting along with other people. Even annoying, infuriating former roommates.

"Apology accepted," he said, raising his voice to make sure Severus heard him. "No hard feelings, all right?"

Remus' voice stopped Severus in mid stride, and he turned to look over his shoulder, raising a brow. He wasn't certain how he'd really expected Remus to respond, but he should have known that someone with Remus' good nature would be willing to accept an apology and go on. Which was lucky for Severus.

"No hard feelings," he agreed quietly. He wasn't certain what else to say, although he couldn't help wishing that he could turned around and push Remus against the wall and kiss him breathless. Even through his anger, the desire hadn't changed, although he doubted even someone as easy-going with Remus would want to pick up where they'd left off before things went pear-shaped. Not that it would change anything, anyway; Remus didn't understand him, and he couldn't understand Remus, and no amount of sex would change that.

Although it would certainly be pleasant to try.

Pulling his thoughts away from that dangerous direction, Severus sighed. "Well, I suppose I should go await the guillotine," he continued. "Perhaps I'll see you later."

Remus offered him a sympathetic smile; he knew enough about Severus to believe the prospect of failure was not making him at all happy. "Maybe so." He paused, debating what to say. He wasn't sure he could honestly say he hoped he would see Severus later, considering how tumultuous things had been between them, but there was one thing he could say that was true. "I don't think you deserve to go this week. We've all had off weeks, and you're better than that."

"Thanks." Severus was surprised that Remus would say such a thing, given what had happened, but it bolstered his spirits. He straightened his spine, chin tilting up as his confidence was given a much needed boost. "I hope I've proven myself. I know I have a way to go, but if I have to leave, I'll never have the opportunity to try." His words deliberately referred not just to the show, but to the situation with Remus, although he didn't expect Remus to pick up on that. Still, it made him feel better to say them.

Remus nodded, and then he shifted a little awkwardly, not knowing what to say or do, and he decided to proceed on his way to avoid the situation growing more uncomfortable. "Well... good luck," he said as he began to move forward once more. "I'll cross my fingers for you."

"Thanks, I need all the luck I can get," Severus agreed, then gave a nod and turned back toward the greenroom. It wouldn't be long now, but his feelings about his chances had definitely taken a turn for the better.


	13. I Feel the Earth Move Under My Feet

Remus was alone in the small practice room; he suspected he was one of the few people still in the dance studio where they all met with the choreographers and practiced their routines, which had been bumped up to two per week with the additional stress of having a different partner each time. He could hear faint music from other rooms, but the noise in the building had diminished steadily as midnight approached and dancers returned to the dorms to get a few hours of precious sleep.

Remus' partner - Alice, this week - had called it a night about half an hour before, but Remus had stayed behind to practice some more. They had drawn Contemporary for their first routine, which had been a relief; the choreography was challenging, but they were both far more comfortable with that style than with the style of their second routine.

Hip-hop.

Also known as Remus' personal bane. He had managed to get through the hip-hop round during the auditions, but what was acceptable for the Vegas auditions wasn't acceptable for one of the final ten dancers, and he didn't want to hear the dreaded words, "We expect more from you at this point in the competition" from the judges. Good enough was no longer good enough, and Remus had been driving himself harder this week than any other.

He ran through a couple of steps, and, grimacing at himself in the mirror, he turned off the music and went to snag his water bottle from the bench. He slumped on the bench and sipped his water, wanting a little break before he went back to work. He was tired, and he knew rest might be better for him than continuing to push into the wee hours, but he was paranoid that hip-hop could spell his doom in the competition, and he was determined not to let that happen.

Severus was having trouble sleeping.

By rights, he should be sleeping like a baby, having survived the elimination show the previous week, literally by the skin of his teeth. He and a man named Frank, who was primarily a tap dancer, had been left as the last two after the judges let the third man, Kingsley, remain without much comment. Frank had been chastised for not being broad enough in his abilities, and Severus, no surprise, had been berated for his attitude. Clive had wondered if Severus were really even _trying_ , but in the end, he thought Severus had more potential and that he'd danced his heart out in his solo. It had apparently been close, but it had been enough.

Yet Severus wasn't relieved. He'd been given notice, and he had no doubt that if he ended up in the bottom group again, he'd be gone. So he was simply going to have to work harder than anyone else, and that meant practicing until he dropped. He even dreamed about dancing, and since he wasn't resting, he'd might as well put the time to good use.

Carrying his boom-box, he entered one of the practice rooms, intent on working himself into exhaustion. He was fortunate that he'd gotten Camryn for his partner, and he'd even managed to win her over after the way he'd been such a bastard to everyone by bringing her a small box of chocolates and explaining that he was having romance troubles. It wasn't too much of a stretch, and she'd immediately been sympathetic, although he'd refused to name who it was that he was mooning over. She knew it wasn't Lily - any woman, she said, could tell they were just good friends - but apparently, she didn't believe he was gay despite his conversation with James. Severus had let it be, grateful that she wasn't going to be difficult and that they might actually have a chance at the Salsa they were dancing this week.

He placed his boom box on the floor, then straightened and began to stretch. Then he glanced up in the mirror, stopping abruptly as he saw Remus sitting on the bench in the back of the room. "Sorry!" he said, turning around and shaking his head with a sigh. "I didn't know you were in here. I'll find another room."

"No problem," Remus replied, waving one hand negligently. "I was just taking a break." He smiled wryly. "I'm glad I'm not the only one burning the midnight oil. Is it paranoia for you too or being too caffienated to sleep?"

Severus shrugged. "Paranoia, mostly. When I close my eyes, I have dreams about the choreography, so it seemed like a good idea to go with it instead of fighting it. I know that my chances aren't good, not after last week, and if I'm going to stay, I can't afford to be less than perfect."

He and Remus hadn't said more than a few words to each other since the night of the elimination, but his apology seemed to have cleared the air. Severus was glad about it, too; he couldn't deny his attraction to Remus, but he also liked Remus as a person, and they'd gotten along well before things had exploded. Severus didn't get along that well with many people, and he was glad things seemed to be easing between them bit by bit. 

"What do you have to be paranoid about, though? The judges and the fans adore you. Lily said you even have groupies... What do those women call themselves? Loonies for Lupin?"

Remus felt heat rise in his face at the mention of his fan base. "Yes, well..." He smiled bashfully and rubbed the back of his neck. "Our second routine this week is hip-hop, and I've never been more than passable. You know the judges will flay me, favorite or not, if I don't step it up and do better than I did in Vegas."

Severus winced in sympathy; he knew what it felt like not only to dance in a style not your own, but also one that you couldn't _feel_. He did well with Ballroom, and he liked the Latin, but Contemporary still made him feel like a gawky stork with no control of his arms and legs. He hesitated for a moment, weighing the risks of rejection, and then steeled himself. 

"Look... I could help you, if you like. I know what you're going through, and maybe I can give you some pointers to help you through the rough bits?"

Remus gazed up at Severus with wide eyes, stunned by the offer. "Really?" He put his water bottle aside and rose to his feet, approaching Severus slowly. "You'd really do that for me?"

"Of course I would." Severus frowned in confusion. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Because I'm the competition," Remus replied. "Because I really didn't think you'd want to spend a lot of time around me."

Severus crossed his arms over his chest and snorted. "First off, I'd much rather that you stayed than that idiot James any day, and honestly, if I'm not good enough to hold my own, I'm going to be gone anyway." He paused, considering his next words carefully, because he didn't think it prudent to admit he still found Remus quite attractive. Yet his dark eyes glittered as he looked at Remus with a small smirk. "As for the other... you're tolerable, so I think I can handle being in your company. At least in small doses." 

Remus smiled slightly, glad that Severus didn't seem to hate him, but he wasn't going to relax quite yet; Severus' moods were changeable, and they weren't that far past their rough patch yet. Remus didn't want to do or say anything that might ruin the progress they'd made, which meant he definitely wouldn't be offering another massage! He intended to keep his hands to himself this time.

"Okay," he said at last. "I'd be glad of the help."

Nodding, Severus stepped back, leaning against the mirrored wall. "Show me your routine, start to finish. Don't worry about how it looks, just do it as you feel it."

"And then you'll crush my soul and shred my ego?" Remus teased lightly as he went back to the portable CD player to start the music again. "Go ahead, I can take it. I want to make this as good as I can."

He pressed 'play' and moved to the middle of the room to perform the routine; he couldn't really feel it, not when he was too conscious of his own mistakes and of performing for someone who was an expert in the genre. It was almost as difficult as dancing in front of the choreographer. When he'd finished, he turned off the music and faced Severus, making a show of bracing himself.

"All right," he said, still breathing hard. "Give me the bad news."

Severus felt no need to mince words, not when it came to dance. Remus was a professional, or at least wanted to be one, and constructive criticism was a necessary part of the process. But it wasn't quite as bad as Remus seemed to fear from the look on his face.

"You're too graceful," he said bluntly, then pointed to Remus' legs. "Hip-hop is not pretty. You're not supposed to have gorgeous lines and pointed toes; you're supposed to be _fierce_. You have to be down; you're carrying your weight too high and keeping your back too straight." He moved to stand beside Remus, hunkering down until his head was below the level of Remus', shoulders rounded and chin jutted out defiantly. "It's a street dance. It's all about attitude. Draw on your internal anger; you'll find it helps."

Remus didn't have a lot of internal anger, but he knew about posturing; he'd spent most of high school projecting an alpha attitude to keep bigger boys from beating the hell out of him. He wasn't a football player, but he'd carried himself with the same strong, confident air of the jocks, and it had helped.

Severus had explained things in a way he understood better than anyone else had, and he tried to put Severus' advice to good use, slumping his shoulders and jutting out his chin as well. He adopted the stance he'd used whenever it seemed as if someone intended to challenge him in the high school halls, remembering how it had felt to be on the verge of what amounted to a dominance battle.

He moved away from Severus, then swaggered toward him, projecting his old "yeah, I'll kick your ass" attitude, and stared at Severus challengingly. "Better?" he asked in a tone that implied he wasn't asking a question or for approval.

Severus' mouth went dry.

He couldn't let Remus know how that cock-sure, sexy attitude turned him on, and so Severus nodded curtly. "Yes, it finally looks like you have balls instead of breasts," he said. The only way he was going to get through this was to be as professional as he possibly could, and it was pretty damned hard to do when Remus was stalking toward him like a feral wolf. "Remember that when you dance and hit the beat _hard_. The movements should be crisp and distinct, but not awkward. And never smile. Keep your jaw hard and lower your brow. Think of it like a fight. You against the world."

Remus nodded, able to relate to that idea on a certain level; he didn't have Severus' attitude fueling his anger and aggression, but he had his own experiences to draw on. "Okay. Let me try a little bit of it again and see what you think."

He started the music again and went through a few of the opening steps, trying to hit harder and keeping his body looser and his moves more aggressive. It was odd at first, but he found it easier to incorporate his old demeanor into the dance as he continued. He stopped about half-way through, however, and looked at Severus expectantly.

"Well?" he asked, a hopeful note in his voice.

"Much better," Severus said, walking over to Remus and standing beside him, barely refraining from reaching out and touching him. "That's definitely closer to the attitude, but you're still too... aware, I suppose? You're doing it, but you're definitely not feeling it yet. You're dancing it like a dancer, not a b-boy." He frowned in thought. "When you dance Contemporary, it's easy to tell that you're _in_ it. You're assuming a role, true, but you believe that role completely. You _are_ the hummingbird or whatever nonsense Trelawney tosses at you. For this... it's more passionate. There's an edge of desperation to it. I know they have this silly 'hip-hop lite' now, but that's not how it was originally meant."

For once, he was having trouble finding the words; this form of dance simply _was_ , in the way life was. He stepped back from Remus and went through the opening sequence, hitting the moves and thinking about _why_ he did it, hoping to be able to explain. When he stopped, he turned his head away, the realization coming to him. It was almost too personal to share, but he shrugged as though it didn't matter, knowing that Remus was waiting. "You have to dance it as though dancing is the only thing that will make it stop hurting for a while."

Remus watched, studying the way Severus moved, but also fascinated by it; there was an odd grace in Severus' body as he danced this style that was so sharp, hard, and unfamiliar to Remus. Normally, Remus didn't find hip-hop interesting or aesthetically pleasing to watch, but Severus somehow made it compelling.

Then Severus spoke, and Remus nodded, his expression somber. He realized Severus was revealing part of himself, something Severus hadn't done before. All these weeks, Severus had been prickles and ice, but now he had shown Remus a glimpse of his vulnerable side, and Remus thought perhaps he understood Severus a little better now.

"I get it," he said quietly.

And he did. His mid-teen years had been difficult, and he'd spent much of them vacillating between anger and despair. When he was sixteen, he'd developed an unrequited crush on one of his closest friends, and living the role he'd created for himself had become far more difficult. For the first time, the mask had chafed him, and he had silently raged against the small town prejudice that had forced him into hiding, and he'd lay awake at night, hatching plan after countless plan to escape it. He'd come close to running away from home, but eventually, the crush faded, and he settled down, accepting the situation and anxiously awaiting the day he could leave for college. Somehow, he'd thought that would be the answer to everything, and in the meantime, the only place he felt he could truly be himself was in the dance studio.

He thought about his sixteen year old self, remembering how resentful he'd been, how many times he'd inwardly railed about the unfairness of it all. He remembered the anger that had bubbled up, thick and hot, almost choking him every time he had to pretend to be interested in football games and cheerleaders, pretend to be straight, pretend to be _normal_ when he knew damned well that he wasn't.

He started the music and tried again, this time channeling his younger self into the moves and the music, letting himself let go and dance. The steps came easier for him this time; he could _feel_ a difference, and when he stopped, he looked at Severus, hopeful that Severus had seen a difference too.

Severus wasn't quite certain that Remus did "get it" as he claimed... but that was before Remus began to dance. Dark eyes widened as Severus watched, entranced as Remus moved. It was as though a different person were going through the steps, one who wore Remus' body but not his mild, almost passive manner. It wasn't perfect, but it was raw and powerful and, more than that, Remus _meant_ every step, and that made all the difference.

"Yes, you get it," he replied, his tone soft and deep. There was more to Remus than met the eye, obviously, more than the handsome face and soft-spoken charm, and definitely far more than the man who seemed afraid to break from his past even if it cost his own future. Severus felt a surge of respect for Remus, something he wasn't used to feeling for almost anyone.

"I don't think you'll have any problems with the fans or the judges," Severus continued, then moved to pick up his boom box. "I'll leave you to it, then, and get back to my own practicing." He glanced back at Remus, lips quirked in a rare display of genuine amusement. "It seems I'll have my work cut out for me, keeping up with you."

The praise pleased Remus more than he cared to admit; despite all the problems between them, somehow he still cared what Severus thought and wanted his good opinion, and his own lips curved in a warm, wide smile that reflected the pleasure he felt over the rare and hard-earned compliment, the feeling of having satisfied Severus almost as good as having satisfied the judges. 

"I don't know about that," Remus said, feeling a little twinge of disappointment that Severus was leaving; he'd enjoyed working together. "You're versatile too, and we both have our weaknesses." He paused, then added, "Thanks, Severus, I really appreciate your help. If there's anything I can do to repay you, let me know."

Remus' smile was like sunlight, and for a moment, Severus was dazzled, almost blinded by the radiance of it. Somehow _he_ had earned that expression, and it took his breath away. He felt full to overflowing suddenly with a painful realization so sharp, all he could do was stand there in shock, looking at Remus with wide eyes.

He was in love with Remus Lupin.

And it was completely doomed to failure.

Severus felt as though he were drowning, struggling against a weight of water pressing him down and trying to pull him under forever. He blinked, then drew in a shuddering breath. "Yeah, sure... I'll take you up on that." He was proud of how relatively normal his voice sounded; hopefully, any huskiness would be attributed to fatigue. He had to act as though he hadn't just had his world tilted on its axis. He was torn between wanting to flee and wanting to push Remus up against the wall and kiss him until he was desperate and moaning, and that, above all else, he must not do. He walked to the door. "Well, I should go practice. Good night, Remus."

"Good night," Remus replied, standing still and watching Severus go.

After the door had closed behind Severus, Remus went back to the CD player, but he didn't feel much like practicing; the room felt bigger and emptier, and he felt inexplicably alone now that Severus was gone. Which was ridiculous, he told himself sternly. He drew in a deep, cleansing breath, hit the button, and went back to work.


	14. Helping Hands

"I'm sorry, Ana-Marie... you won't be continuing in the competition."

Severus, standing off in the wings, shook his head and sighed, not at all pleased about Ana-Marie's elimination. Especially not when James - her partner and, in Severus' opinion, the one who had put her in danger in the first place - had survived the cut and looked damned smug about the fact. True, he hugged Ana-Marie, who was in tears, but Severus could see the nasty smirk James gave when he thought no one was looking.

The directors called a wrap on the broadcast, and the dancers all filed off the stage, including Ana-Marie and Regulus, the male Ballroom dancer who had gotten the fewest of the audience votes. Severus was surprised that Regulus was gone and that James had remained, because Regulus had hip action that was positively drool-worthy.

After the good-byes were said, and the eliminated dancers went off to pack and leave, Severus and the other seven made their way to the greenroom, where they would draw for their partner for the following week, as well as what dance they would perform. They'd already been told that the top eight would also learn a dance that they would each perform solo. As Severus waited to see who drew him - the girls drew for the partners, while the guys drew for the dance - James came to stand beside him.

"I'm surprised you made it through this week, Snape," he said, giving Severus a look of intense dislike. "You should have been gone last week after that horrible Disco routine. But now we're on audience votes alone, so I have no doubt next week will be your time to go."

"Do you now?" Severus wasn't about to let a prick like Potter bother him, and he didn't even look in Potter's direction as he spoke. "Considering that I obviously received more votes than you did this week, you're talking pretty big. Careful you don't trip over your own ego and break that arm that's so busy patting your own back."

"Listen, you untalented, low-life _street dancer_ ," James said hotly. "You don't know anything, and those of us who are serious about dancing don't much like you being here taking a spot from someone talented who _wants_ to dance. Why don't you go back to your books? It's not like you'd ever do anything with this opportunity!"

"What I do or don't do is none of your damned business," Severus drawled, crossing his arms over his chest. "Why don't you drop out and save us all another week of your mouth?"

James was about to reply hotly, but Lily suddenly held up the piece of paper she'd drawn from the hat Kate held. "James! You're my partner!"

"Shit." Severus scowled and looked at James, who was smiling in a way Severus didn't like one bit.

"Well, this should be interesting... she's hot," James said, then turned and made his way toward Lily to draw for their dance. 

Severus clenched his fists at his sides, almost willing to trade his place on the show for five minutes with Potter in a dark alley.

Meanwhile, Remus was still waiting while the remaining girls crowded around Kate and drew slips of paper from a bowler hat one by one. He breathed a quiet sigh of relief when Camryn was the one to draw his name; he was half-afraid Dora might draw him, and he didn't think he could handle another week of having her gazing at him adoringly. She'd become even more obvious with her infatuation, and Remus wanted nothing more than to turn tail and run far away from her.

Camryn grinned as she waved the slip of paper and bounded over to hug Remus, who returned the hug with enthusiasm; he liked her, and she seemed sensible enough not to develop a crush on her partner, her mind on the competiton, not romance.

"Go on and draw our dance for us, Remus," she said. "Whatever it is, we'll kick it's ass!"

Smiling, Kate held out the second hat in her other hand - a fedora - and Remus selected a blue slip of paper. He unfolded it and showed it to Kate and Camryn, pleased with their selection.

"Argentinian Tango," he said. "That should be fun."

"Definitely! I like Latin dancing," Camryn replied. She grinned impishly. "I'll have to get a rose to clench between my teeth. Oh, and I'll bet our costumes will be _great_! Maybe one of those tight dresses with the swishy skirt for me and tight pants for you."

Severus tore his gaze away from James as Camryn swarmed Remus, and he gave a silent snort at the comment about tight pants. That was something he wouldn't mind seeing, either, although, really, it was a form of torture to imagine it. 

Ever since his realization a few nights before about his feelings for Remus, Severus had thrown himself even more into dancing, even working on a new solo when he was practiced out on the pairs dance. Fortunately, Camryn was a good partner, and he knew that she and Remus would look good together. Unfortunately, it also meant that Severus would have no excuse to help Remus again. 

It was hard to be natural around Remus now, when he found his gaze drawn to Remus constantly. It was doomed and hopeless, but unfortunately, Severus found himself obsessing as much about Remus as he did about everything else that mattered to him. In this situation, however, there was no conceivable way to win, which made it possibly the most frustrating thing he'd ever had to deal with in his life, and that was saying quite a lot.

Of course as soon as he thought that, he heard his own name spoken, and he glanced over to see a wide-eyed, almost horrified Dora holding up a slip of paper with his name on it. Obviously there was no justice in the universe.

"Wonderful," he muttered, stalking toward Kate and Dora with a grim expression. He didn't even bother to acknowledge Dora, reaching instead into the hat to select their dance. He had an awful, horrible premonition, and as he handed the slip to Dora and saw her open it and beam, he knew he was right. 

Contemporary. He might as well shoot himself in the head right now and save himself the torment of the next week.

He turned to look at Dora, eyes boring into her as she shrank back, biting her lip. "We _will_ succeed in this," he said, his tone making it obvious it was a warning rather than reassurance. Then he turned and walked away, knowing that the film editors weren't about to show that part to the public. And even if they did, he didn't much care; at this point, all he needed to make his life perfect was for a meteor to fall out of the sky and land on his head.

Remus was glad not to be partnered with Dora anymore, but at the same time, he didn't wish her ill, and he wasn't sure whom he ought to feel more sorry for: Severus or Dora. It was a match made in hell, and he knew it was going to be a long week for both of them. When he heard they'd drawn Contemporary, he shook his head, his sympathy swinging more toward Severus than Dora, and on impulse, he darted forward, trying to catch up with Severus' long-legged gait.

"Severus!" He reached out and caught Severus' arm. "You helped me so much with the hip-hop routine last week, the least I can do is help you out this week. Let me know when you've met with the choreographer. We can practice together."

Severus stopped, then sighed, his shoulders slumping slightly. He wasn't the kind of man who accepted help, and he wasn't certain if the fact that it was Remus making the offer made it better or worse. But perhaps this was some sort of cosmic payback for sticking him with Dora and the dance from hell, and so he bit down his instinctive rejection of the offer and nodded once. 

"Thanks," he said, pinching the bridge of his nose as his head began to ache. "I would appreciate any assistance you can provide. Especially if we get Trelawney. I might be the first contestant ever arrested for multiple murders if that happens. I don't drink, but damned if I'm not really, really tempted to start."

Remus laughed softly and squeezed Severus' arm before releasing him. "It's only a week. You can survive that long, and I can help you deal with both Contemporary and Dora. We just have to get you through until next week, and we will."

Lowering his hand, Severus looked at Remus with a raised brow. "All right, my turn to ask, I suppose. Why are you helping me? You know that this could very well take me out of the competition, in one way or another."

"Because you helped me," Remus replied with calm amiability. "Because if I'm going to compete, I want to compete against the best, and if I win, I know I earned it." He hesitated, glancing up at Severus hesitantly. "Because I like you," he added softly. But then his expression turned mischievous. "And because I'd rather have you make it another week than James."

That earned Remus a snort, but Severus felt his mood lifting slightly, warmed by Remus' admission of liking him. It would never be more than that, of course, but it was far preferable to Remus hating his guts. "Wouldn't we all?" he replied, looking over to where James was trying to be charming to Lily. Unfortunately, he was going to have to leave Lily to her own devices this week, since he would need every bit of his energy to deal with his own situation. But Lily was smart, and she was more than a match for a little piss-ant like James.

Drawing in a deep breath, he returned his attention to Remus. "Promise me you'll kill me and put me out of my misery if necessary. There are some fates worse than death."

Remus regarded him with mock-solemnity. "If worse comes to worse, I promise I'll strangle you with one of Trelawney's scarves myself. But we won't let it get that bad." He glanced around and saw that the other dances had paired up and gotten their style for the week and were beginning to clear out, headed back to the dorms to rest since they wouldn't meet with the choreographers until the next day. It was a potential mistake, but he was still wired from the excitement of the show, and there wasn't really anyone he wanted to hang out with, foolish as it might be. "Want to get something to eat?" he asked, a hopeful note in his voice. "I need to wind down before I can even think about going to bed."

It was the stupidest idea Severus had ever heard, at least from the point of view of keeping Remus in the dark about his feelings; but there was also no way he was going to refuse, especially since this was the first time Remus had reached out to him since their fight. "I feel the same - and I'm likely to have nightmares once I do, probably about Trelawney and Dora and idiotic butterflies. Where would you like to go? I have no preference, so long as it's out of here."

"I don't either." Remus couldn't help but smile, inordinately pleased that Severus had accepted. It was foolish to torture himself this way, but being friends was better than nothing, and since it seemed Severus had forgiven him, they could at least be friends. He would just have to ignore the attraction he still felt. "We could walk around until we find a place that appeals to us."

"Sounds good to me." Severus looked down at his clothing, which consisted of regular street items, since if he had had to dance, it would have served well enough. "Do you need to change? Or shall we just go?"

"Let me change right quick," Remus replied. "Then we can go."

With that, he rushed off to the dressing room to make the quickest change of his life, eager to start the evening out with Severus. It was not a date, and he knew it, but there was part of him that wanted to stop pretending he was straight and pretend he was a normal, happy gay man out on a date with a man he was interested in instead.

Severus watched Remus run off, then shook his head and sighed, wondering if he were making the biggest mistake in his life... but somehow, after seeing Remus' quick, eager smile, he couldn't bring himself to care.


	15. Butterflies Would be Better

"You have got to be kidding me."

Severus glared at Trelawney, who was twiddling the ends of one of her stupid scarves in her hands. 

"But it's so beautiful! Love, and passion, and rose petals! You'll see, it will be magnificent!"

What it would be, Severus thought, was a complete disaster; he was beginning to long for a dance where she wanted him to be a butterfly.

Behind him, Dora giggled nervously, then poked experimentally at the mattress Trelawney had had propped up at an angle in the middle of the dance floor. "I can see what she means," she said hesitantly, then a look of longing crossed over her oddly pointed features. "If only Remus was..."

Anger rose swiftly, and Severus rounded on his partner, his voice a low, dangerous hiss. "Well, he isn't, so you'd better focus on the task at hand instead of lusting after a man who would never be interested in you in a million years! Unless you want to go home, that is. Not that I'd miss you for even a nanosecond, but I'd rather not screw my own chances just to coddle your insipid, pathetic crush!"

"Oh dear, oh dear!" Trelawney continued to twist her scarf, looking between the two of them, her eyes owlish behind her thick glasses. "No, no, you're supposed to be lovers! This negative energy is all wrong!!!"

"I'd rather castrate myself than even think about her like that," Severus muttered, giving a shudder. Dora was looking at him with wide, injured eyes, like a puppy who'd just be kicked. "Oh, cut that out, dammit! If you're going to be a professional dancer, you'd better grow a thicker skin or you won't last five minutes." 

To his relief, Dora drew in a deep breath, then nodded, although her eyes were full of dislike. "Fine. You're a real jerk, Severus."

"Tell me something I don't know." Drawing in a deep breath, Severus looked at Trelawney. "All right, how in the hell are we going to get through this?"

"I don't know..." The choreographer raised her hands to the sky dramatically. "This is a disaster! A complete disaster!"

It wasn't that Remus was _deliberately_ eavesdropping on Severus and Dora's first rehearsal together. It was just that he and Camryn had met with their own choreographer much earlier and had already gotten in a couple hours of practice; they'd decided to take a break, and Remus had just happened to wander down the hall and overheard Trelawney exclaim that Severus and Dora were supposed to be lovers, followed shortly by a pronouncement of disaster. He could just imagine how well _that_ had gone over with Severus.

Poking his head through the partially-open door, he grinned at Severus. "You could always pretend you want a divorce," he suggested, his tongue only partially in cheek.

Severus turned, shooting Remus a glare. "Easy for you to say!" he shot back, then crossed his arms over his chest and subsided into a pout. It wouldn't do to let Remus see that he was happy Remus was there, after all.

Dora, on the other hand, didn't have to disguise her relief, and she ran forward to fling her arms around Remus. "Thank God you're here! Did you come to save me from this?"

"Uh..." Remus patted her on the back awkwardly and disengaged from the embrace as quickly as possible. "No, I just heard the shouting, that's all." He smiled and greeted Trelawney, and then he glanced at Severus, whose bottom lip was jutted out in a pout that he probably wouldn't appreciate having called adorable. "I guess I don't need to ask how it's going."

"If you have ears and eyes, you know how it's going," Severus muttered, although he couldn't help but smirk as Remus hastily stepped back from Dora. "I suspect you'll be mourning my absence in a few days. It would take a miracle on the order of parting seas to redeem this mess."

"Weren't you the one who said it was pointless to rail about something you couldn't change?" Remus pointed out. "I know you two are like oil and water, but you could turn it to your advantage." He approached Trelawney, smiling hopefully at her. "Could you choreograph something less romantic, maybe? Well, I guess that isn't fair, but maybe give the piece a different spin? Same moves, different story? You know they're both good dancers, and I know they've got to learn to work with partners they might not get along with, but at this point in the competition, things are tough enough for all of us as it is."

Trelawney bit her lip, looking back and forth between Dora and Severus. Apparently she knew when she was defeated, and she threw her hands in the air. "Fine! Fine, I'll change my vision!" She brought the back of her hand to her forehead in a melodramatic gesture. "I'd rather do that than see this dance butchered. Oh, the price I have to pay, working in this business!" She took Dora by the arm, then, leading her to the bed and going over the first set of moves with her, while Dora listened, her features pensive.

Severus personally thought that the price he was paying was substantially higher, but he held his tongue, moving to stand beside Remus. "Thank you," he said, giving Remus a tiny quirk of lips. "You may have just saved their lives, you know."

"No problem," Remus replied, smiling up at Severus with amusement gleaming in his eyes. "I do what I can to keep the peace." He glanced over at the pair of women, watching them for a moment, and then he looked back up at Severus, reaching out to touch Severus' arm lightly. "When you get the choreography down, I'll help you out if you want me to. Either you alone or with Dora, if you need a referee. Camryn and I are going to practice this afternoon, but she wants to work on her solo tonight, so I'll be free."

Remus' offer was an irresistible temptation, and Severus was keenly aware of the brief, warm contact of Remus' fingers on his skin. "I would appreciate that, but I'm giving you fair warning I'm likely to be a complete bastard by the time we finish learning this. If I get too snappish, it might be better for you to stay away."

Remus gave him a look of amused exasperation. "Severus, you've already been a complete bastard to me. I've seen the worst. You being snappish over something that has nothing to do with me? I can handle that." He tilted his chin up, his expression challenging. "Do we have a date or not?"

Severus was a little taken aback by Remus' bald comment, but there was no way he could resist either the challenge Remus issued, nor the way Remus said "date". It wasn't a real date, of course, but it pleased him to think of it that way, and he chuckled. "Touche," he replied, conceding Remus the point. "Yes, we have a date. And I'll hold you to being able to handle it. If you can't, I shall mock you severely."

"I'd expect nothing less," Remus replied amiably, although he was inwardly jubilant about the prospect of spending the evening with Severus. He glanced over at Trelawney, who seemed to be wrapping up her revisions, and he decided he'd probably interrupted long enough. "I'll see you later, then," he said, waving as he stepped back and turned away. He waved to Dora as well, who looked crestfallen, but there wasn't anything he could do to "rescue" her even if he'd wanted to.

The respite over, Severus drew a deep breath and turned back to Trelawney, feeling Remus' absence already. "All right, show me what to do," he said, sounding almost amiable. The choreographer blinked, but hurried to walk them through the choreography, apparently deciding it was better to go with his current mood than to look a gift Snape in the mouth.


	16. It's Not About Being Soft

Four hours later, Severus was near exhaustion, his patience worn thin, and Dora looked on the verge of tears. His current mood had nothing to do with her, however, and everything to do with his own difficulty mastering the Contemporary movements of the dance. He finally waved Dora off to dinner with a muttered half-apology, which she seemed to take as some kind of boon, looking relieved as she fled. Severus remained behind, sitting on the floor with his back against the mirrored wall, eyes closed as he listened to the music and wondered if he might be defeated by this dance after all.

Once Camryn had left to take a dinner break, Remus was free for the rest of the evening; they'd agreed she would have the practice room they had shared all day to practice her solo in because Remus planned to find Severus anyway. He collected two new chilled bottles of water and went to check the room Severus and Dora had been in earlier; at first, he didn't see anyone in the room, but he could hear music playing, and a closer look revealed Severus sitting slumped on the floor.

With a smile, he stepped into the room and went to sit beside Severus, placing one of the bottles beside Severus, and then he nudged Severus' shoulder gently.

"How's it going?" he asked softly.

Severus was aware of Remus entering the room, but he kept his eyes closed, not wanting Remus to see the despair in his eyes. He sighed, peeked out at the world, then reached for the water Remus had brought, not really thirsty but needing something to do with his hands other than reaching out to touch Remus. There was temptation in the nearness, but it was a temptation to which he must not yield.

"It's not," he replied, shrugging slightly. "I've been trying, but I feel like some great, gawky stork or something. It's supposed to _flow_ , and dammit, I don't flow." His lips twisted. "I can't even blame my partner or the stupid choreographer; for the first time in years, I don't think I can dance."

Remus leaned back, staring at him in disbelief. "Bullshit!" he exclaimed, his tone incredulous. "You're a brilliant dancer. You've got natural talent that's gotten you farther than some dancers with years of training." His features grew hard and set with determination as he rose to his feet and held out his hand. "Come on, Severus," he said, his voice making it clear he wasn't going to take no for an answer. "We're going to prove you _can_ flow."

Surprised at Remus' vehemence, Severus held out his hand, allowing Remus to haul him to his feet. "You are either deluded or the most optimistic person I've ever met in my life," he said, unconvinced that even Remus could succeed this time. "If you pull this off, I'm going to owe you big time."

"Then you're going to owe me big time," Remus said with placid certainty as he led Severus to the center of the room. "Okay..." He drew in a deep breath as he tried to figure out how best to begin. "You've got natural grace when you move. Your gait is very fluid, so you've got a foundation to build on. We just have to bring it to the dance floor."

The fact that Remus had noticed how he moved was a good sign, but it wasn't going to get Severus through this dance, however flattering he found it. "It just feels wrong," he grumbled, lower lip jutting out. "I'm no mincing ballerina the way Trelawney seems to think." He held out his arms at his sides and executed a deliberately effeminate turn, wrists limp as he batted his eyes. "I look ridiculous, and I don't even need the mirror to know it."

"Forget Trelawney," Remus said, gesturing up and down to encompass Severus' exaggerated moves and posture. "Is that how you think _I_ dance?"

"No!" Severus blurted the denial. "But you've done this for years, and you know how to go through the motions and make it look natural. I just..." He waved a hand in the air, annoyed with himself. "I spent years making certain I _didn't_ dance like that. Defiance, I suppose, but I feel like a complete idiot now when I try to do it. Hard hitting, masculine, defiant... those I can do, but..." He shook his head and looked away. "I'm not a soft person."

"You don't have to be," Remus replied patiently. "Contemporary dance isn't about being soft or effeminate. It's..." He paused, then backed up to approach the topic from another angle. "Look, you gave me a different way of looking at hip-hop that helped me relate to it, so let's see if I can do the same for you."

He moved away from Severus and executed a series of sharp, quick turns and leaps. "See? Not soft," he said, coming to a stop in front of Severus. "Forget Trelawney. You're a man, and you should dance like a man. The judges will love it if you take the choreography and make it your own, so that's what we'll work on. Instead of thinking about it as soft, think about it as... making a picture with your body. It's about lines, and you've got _gorgeous_ lines."

He thought about how Severus had helped him relate emotionally to hip-hop, and he tried to think of a way to do the same for Severus. "You use hip-hop as an outlet for your anger and aggression, right? Well, this can be an outlet for something else, like..." He smiled a bit shyly. "Your feelings about sex, for example. You definitely weren't angry then. Well, not in the later part," he amended. 

Severus went from admiration of Remus' moves to stunned surprise at the compliment - Remus had called him _gorgeous_ , for God's sake - to lip-biting pensiveness when Remus mentioned their one intimate encounter. He felt uncomfortable, but he if he put aside the images his traitorous mind conjured up of Remus crying out in ecstasy, he thought he could almost see what Remus meant. 

A telltale hint of color touched his cheeks as he snorted in amusement, trying to recover his equilibrium. "Believe me, if there is anyone in the universe who makes me think less about sex than Dora, I have yet to meet them," he said. "I think eternal celibacy would be preferable. If I had any hint of bisexuality in my preferences, she would have destroyed it utterly."

Remus chuckled, but he wasn't about to let Severus off the hook so easily. "Then don't think about her while you're dancing," he replied. "Or you can forget the sex analogy. The point is, you need to find something _other_ than anger to draw on, but that doesn't necessarily mean you can't be aggressive or masculine. Here - why don't you show me some of the routine? What story did Trelawney finally give you?"

It was better to show Remus the dance than to dwell too much on the direction of their conversation. "Right," he said, turning to punch the buttons on his CD player, resetting the song to the beginning. The bed was still in place, and he took his place behind it, concentrating on the movements.

Fortunately, Trelawney had told them to change the movements from longing to frustration, making the piece not a seduction so much as a parody of a relationship gone wrong. That was easier for Severus to handle, but it didn't change the movements themselves, which were a combination of arabesque turns, long body extensions, lifts, and leaps. The leaps were the only part he felt confident about, the sheer concentration involved in remembering to point his toes seeming far more difficult than any jump he'd every done.

When he finished, lying prone on the bed, spreadeagled and panting, he looked up at Remus with a grim expression. "Hopeless, right?"

"No," Remus said firmly. "No more hopeless than I was with the hip-hop routine." He tried to ignore the little lurch in his stomach that the sight of Severus sprawled on a bed gave him and focused on the task at hand. "But the main thing is you're trying too hard, just like I was." He sat down on the edge of the bed, regarding Severus curiously. "Is there anything about the story or the music you can relate to?"

Severus sat up, crossing his legs as he leaned forward, trying to find an answer to Remus' question. He wasn't experienced in relationships, and he had rarely had a lover who stuck around longer than a few weeks, much less one he'd cared enough about to feel much when they drifted apart. The only person who had ever raised that kind of emotion in him was...

Shit.

Swallowing hard, Severus looked down at his clasped hands. "I can relate to frustration with... things... not working out as I wanted them to. I'm no good at relationships. Lily is the only person who has ever been willing to put aside my flaws and stick by me no matter what. And she's had to put up with a lot, from the time we were very young."

"Then put _that_ into your dance," Remus said quietly. "The judges have said you've got brilliant technique, but you need to open up. This is the perfect chance for you to show something of yourself to them and to the audience." He offered a one-sided smile. "But for the record, Lily isn't the only one willing to overlook your flaws."

Remus seemed determined to keep Severus in a constant state of shock tonight, between compliments and unexpected comments that made Severus wish for even more. It could never be more than friendship, perhaps, but Severus wanted that from Remus, to have whatever bits of Remus' regard he could, while he could.

He nodded, unable to speak, and hauled himself up from the mattress to once again start the music. This time when he took his position, he didn't think about Dora, or Trelawney, or even himself. He thought about what might have been with Remus, if he hadn't screwed it up so badly. He pictured Remus there, the one he was reaching out to with longing and frustration and shattered hope, knowing it could never be and wanting it nonetheless.

This time when he fell to the mattress at the end, his throat was tight, and the pressure in his chest wasn't just from being out of breath.

After a moment, he lifted his head and looked at Remus. "Any better? If not, then I give up."

When Severus got up, Remus did too, and he moved out of the way, stationing himself off to one side where he could watch unimpeded. The raw emotion in every line of Severus' body was enough to make Remus' chest constrict, and it took considerable will power not to throw himself into the dance with Severus.

"It's better," he said huskily. "If you can put yourself out there like that on-stage during the show, you'll blow everyone away." He took a deep breath and squared his shoulders, reminding himself that leaping onto the bed and flinging his arms around Severus wasn't an option. "But now we get to work on your technique," he said in a lighter tone, pretending to crack a whip. "And I get to make you hate me more than you hate Trelawney with my slave driver ways."

Remus' quiet praise was a vast relief to Severus, and he collapsed back against the mattress, pleased that he'd managed to pull it off to such an extent. But it wouldn't do to grab Remus up and kiss him senseless so he contented himself with a heartfelt groan. "So if you use a whip, it won't be in the good, fun way then?" he asked. "Not that I could hate you more than Trelawney... you aren't _stupid_."

"I'm flattered. I think." Remus regarded him with wry amusement. "Come on, get up. We've got work to do, and no, not in the good, fun way."

 _Although I wish it could be_ , he thought, eying Severus hungrily.

"Yes, sir, right away sir," Severus replied, rolling to his feet as though tired. In reality, though, he suddenly felt as though he could dance for hours, and if Remus was going to stay, that was even better. In fact, that was the best.


	17. Taking a Time Out

To Remus' vast amusement, not only was Severus not eliminated, but he and Dora didn't even land in the bottom two. Remus and Lily were also safe, but Remus' partner Camryn, Kingsley, Alice, and James were the four in danger. In the end, Kingsley and Alice were eliminated, much to Severus' obvious disgust. Remus could just imagine how much he'd been hoping James would be the one to go instead.

For the next round, Remus was paired with Lily, and Severus had ended up with Camryn, and they had drawn dances that, while not in their respective field, weren't far out of their comfort zone either. Remus and Lily would be dancing a Bollywood number, which he was looking forward to even though he knew it would be a challenge; he liked the genre, though, and he was more excited than apprehensive.

His pleasure in the performance was marred when the news was handed down that it was Family Week, and all dancers who hadn't had family members in the audience _would_ have this week, and there would be spotlight interviews with each of the final six and their relatives. Remus found out his parents had agreed to come, and he wasn't sure whether he was glad about it or not. Probably not. His mother had seen him dance before, and she had been more supportive when he'd told them he wanted to take dance lessons. His father, on the other hand...

Well, there was nothing for it. He just hoped his father didn't make any disparaging remarks about male dancers being fairies in the interview.

But as little as he was looking forward to his parents' reactions to seeing him in his chosen environment, he knew Severus had to be dreading it more if any of his family members were going to attend. Severus hadn't told him much at all, but it wasn't difficult to read between the lines and know he hadn't had a good home life. Thus he went off in search of Severus to see if he'd heard the news yet and how he was taking it.

Severus stepped out of the shower, drying himself off in a leisurely fashion as he thought about the dance he and Camryn would be doing the next week. He was quite pleased with the thought of doing Broadway; from what he'd seen of the work of Tyson D'Onofrio, their resident Broadway choreographer, it would no doubt be not only interesting to dance, but entertaining for the audience to watch. All to the good, if he was going to beat James out of a spot in the top four, which was something he wanted more than anything else in the world at the moment. Well, almost anything, actually. He'd abandon the whole competition in a heartbeat if it meant he might get another chance with Remus.

The motion of the towel stopped, and he looked into the bathroom mirror, wondering if there was any possible way he and Remus could move beyond the comfortable friendship they now shared. Or move beyond it _again_ , that was, since they seemed to have returned to the way things had been at the beginning. Or close to it, since there was necessarily more tension, now that each knew the other's sexual preference did indeed run in the proper direction. It would be worth a great deal to him if he could find something, anything, to convince Remus to give up his idiotic insistence on playing the role of a straight man for the rest of his life. Remus was going to be miserable, of course, and it didn't do a great deal for Severus, either.

There was a soft knock at the door to his room, and Severus gave up his ruminations. "Just a minute!" he called out, casting aside the towel and yanking on the sweatpants he'd placed on the vanity. He ran his fingers through his wet hair, deciding that whoever was visiting could just suffer with his unkempt appearance, and moved out of the bathroom to the door. Opening it, he stopped in surprise to find Remus standing on the other side, almost as though summoned by Severus' wayward thoughts.

"Is something wrong?" he asked, tilting his head to one side as he caught Remus' expression. 

Remus blinked and swallowed hard, startled at being confronted with the sight of Severus wet and half-naked; heat pooled in his belly and sent fiery tendrils straight down, and he struggled not to stare - and not to push Severus against the nearest wall and kiss him breathless.

"I... uh... I guess you haven't heard the news," he said lamely. "The show is bringing in everyone's family this week. They want to do interviews and everything."

Severus drew in a startled breath, his eyes glittering with anger for a moment before his protective mask slammed into place. He stiffened, then shrugged. "My family is all dead," he said hollowly. "So there won't be anyone for them to interview." It wasn't really a lie; Severus' parents were dead to _him_ , and even if the show managed to hunt them down, no doubt they'd be sent away with their ears ringing. Given Remus' feelings about family, it was best for Remus to think they didn't exist.

"I'm sorry," Remus said, stricken, and he gave Severus a sympathetic look. He'd thought perhaps Severus' parents had disowned him because he was gay; he hadn't imagined they might be dead. "Maybe an aunt or uncle will come? It'd be awful if you were the only one of us who didn't have anyone here to watch you perform."

It would actually be far, far more awful if anyone showed up, but Severus couldn't say that. "No, no one, but it doesn't matter." He waved a hand dismissively, then peered more closely at Remus before motioning him to come inside; it was much easier to focus his attention on Remus' worries than dwell on emotions that had died within him years ago. "You look as though you need to talk."

Raking one hand through his hair, Remus smiled ruefully. "Maybe a little," he admitted.

He accepted Severus' invitation to enter the room and perched on the edge of one of the beds. Leaning back on his hands, he breathed out slowly as he tried to figure out how to begin.

"My parents are coming," he said at last. "I'm a little concerned about how they'll react, especially my father. He was the one who didn't want me to take dance lessons. He thought it would turn me into a 'fairy' - his word, not mine. I had an uphill battle convincing him to let me take lessons, and he seemed to be watching me like a hawk for years to make sure I wasn't showing any signs of swishiness."

Severus snorted. "What an ignorant twit - er, no offense." He rolled his eyes. "Why do homophobic straight people always seem convinced that anything can _turn_ you gay, as though it were a switch that we can flick on and off. But be that as it may, your cover as a straight man is completely secure; I don't believe Lily has even picked up on it, and her gaydar is nearly infallible. But there is something else that could take his attention from you..." Severus suddenly grinned, an expression of positively unholy glee. "I could do all the swishing, and he'll be so horrified, he won't even think about _you_."

Remus laughed, amused by both the thought of Severus swishing and of his father's reaction to it. "It would definitely get his attention!" He smiled and shook his head. "Don't worry about me. I've been handling them for years, and at this point, my father is convinced I'm straight. He's not exactly proud of my chosen career, and he doesn't make any secret of hoping I can't make it so I'll have to go home and work in the post office with him, but he's accepted it. I just hope he doesn't say anything embarrassing, and if he does, I hope they edit it out," he added with a grimace.

It was gratifying that he could make Remus laugh, but Severus knew that this wasn't a joke to Remus, who sincerely loved his family. Severus thought the softness of Remus' heart was only rivaled by the softness of his head on the subject, but there was no help for it; it was simply how Remus was. 

"Working in a post office is preferable to being a famous dancer? Oh, yes, I see the logic in that." Severus rolled his eyes and sighed. "I take it they're staying until the performance? Lovely. Well, it will just have to be endured. At least you can be in rehearsal a lot of the time, and if you need to hide out... well, you can always come here." It wasn't purely altruism, of course, but Remus didn't need to know that.

"I may take you up on that," Remus said, giving him a grateful smile. "At least it's only for a few days. They said the families would be brought in two days before the performance, so it won't be the entire week." A sudden thought occurred to him, and he looked at Severus with apprehension in his eyes. "Unless they decided to let anyone who's here for the final four dancers stay." He flopped backward onto the bed and groaned. "What a mess! I know I should be proud to dance in front of my parents, and I am, but at the same time... it complicates things. I'm on guard enough as it is, and I'm tired and stressed, and one slip..." He groaned again and covered his face with both hands.

Severus moved to sit down on the bed beside Remus, poking him in the side with one long finger. "You'll do the best you can, which is all you can do, but one thing that must _not_ happen is for you to let them throw you off your game at this point, do you understand? You've worked too damned hard to get here, Lupin, and if I have to beat some sense into you, I will." He'd really prefer to pound into Remus another way entirely, but he couldn't say that. "You need to relax or you're going to psyche yourself out of the game, and I swear to God, if you leave me with James in the final four, I'm going to hunt you down and wring your neck! Now suck it up, and let's go do something to alleviate that stress before you explode."

The first thought that flashed through Remus' mind about how Severus could help him relieve some stress was one he had to squash, and he mustered a smile instead.

"I wouldn't dare leave you and James in the final four," he said lightly. "I don't want to be responsible for helping set off Armageddon through negligence." He folded his arms beneath his head and looked at Severus curiously. "So what do you suggest we do?"

Severus smirked at that, wondering just how off guard his suggestion would catch Remus. "Well, there's something I've wanted to do since arriving in Los Angeles, something I've not had time for. It involves too many crowds and me no doubt getting annoyed and yelling a lot. Think you could handle it?"

Remus stared at Severus, his eyebrows climbing; he tried to guess what in the world Severus could mean, but he was drawing a blank. "Handle what, exactly?"

"Disneyland." Severus said it in an offhand manner, then scowled warningly, feeling a little defensive. "Don't say a word, Lupin. It's stupid and juvenile, but dammit, everyone in the world has been there except me, and I want to see if it's really as big as all the hype made about it. Not that I expect to be anything but disenchanted, mind you, but then I can finally tell all the idiots who look at me incredulously when I say I've never been that they are just as deranged as I've always suspected."

Remus' eyes widened, and he had to fight to keep his jaw from dropping. Of all the suggestions Severus could have made, that wasn't even on the list, but Remus knew better than to laugh. "I haven't been there either," he admitted. It was naughty, he thought, to take off and go to Disneyland when they ought to be practicing, but after weeks of immersion in the rigors of the show, taking a time-out sounded like a welcome relief. "Sure, let's go!" he said, nodding enthusiastically. "Does that mean you'll wear one of those hats with the mouse ears if I buy it for you?"

" _What_?!?" Severus gaped at Remus, then crossed his arms over his chest and sniffed haughtily. He knew Remus was teasing, and two could play at that game - especially since he was very glad that Remus had agreed to come with him. "Fine, I will... if _you_ will wear the girl mouse ears to match." 

There, let Remus reply to that challenge.

"Uh..." A blush rose in Remus' cheeks, and he sat up and raised both hands in a gesture of surrender. "Okay, no mouse ears. Sorry, I don't think Minnie ears would suit me." Rising to his feet, he glanced down at himself and decided his attire was okay, but then he looked pointedly at Severus, raising one eyebrow. "I think you'll need to get dressed before we can go, though."

With a smirk, Severus stood up and sauntered to his dresser, in an uncommonly good mood. "What, you don't think I could pick up some studly young hunk if I go like this? After all, Disney is supposed to be quite gay-friendly." 

He bent over as he went rifling through the drawers for jeans and a t-shirt, deliberately giving Remus a view of his backside; just because they seemed destined not to be lovers, it didn't mean he couldn't tease Remus, and maybe Remus would even feel a little of the sexual frustration Severus did constantly. Or at least he could hope.

Straightening again, he turned and headed back to the bathroom. "Out in a moment," he said, then shut the door between them.

Remus frowned slightly, feeling a twinge of what he refused to call jealousy at the thought of Severus picking up someone, flirting with them, going to bed with them. But he schooled his features back into neutrality; there was no point in being jealous. Severus was free to do whatever he wanted, and Remus had no claim on him. They were friends. Just friends. And that was all they ever could be.

But that didn't mean he couldn't enjoy the view while he had it, he thought as he watched Severus walk into the bathroom.

It only took a few moments for Severus to slip into the clothing he'd chosen, and then he rejoined Remus. He made short work of donning socks and tennis shoes, then straightened and gave Remus a teasing look, dark eyes glittering. "So, are you ready? If this doesn't reduce your stress, at least it should give you something else to worry about for a while."

"I'm ready," Remus said, smiling. "If I can't relax at Disneyland, it's hopeless." He stood and checked his back pocket for his wallet, and then he headed for the door, glancing over his shoulder expectantly. "Come on! Mickey awaits!"

Severus watched Remus' hand going to his butt, drawing in quick breath as he thought about how much he wanted to be the one touching it. Unfortunately it wasn't to be, and he shook himself firmly as he nodded and followed Remus out the door, wondering if Remus would manage to relax while he himself ended up wound tight with frustrated longing.


	18. Family Reunion from Hell

All around Severus were people laughing, crying, hugging and kissing, while he stood by himself off to one side, alone. It was no more than he had expected - in fact, it was what he preferred - but it highlighted just how much of an outsider he really was, a man apart destined to always drift by himself. He was a comet, the solitary voyager who blazed by the orbit of the planets and their moons, visible yet distant, touching the path the rest of them shared in only the most cursory way.

He heard Lily laugh, and he glanced in her direction, seeing her folded in the arms of her tall father. No doubt the Reverend Evans and his wife would greet him, even be gracious to him, but he knew quite well that they didn't really like him. Oh certainly, the reverend had tried, as all good Christians would, but it was obvious he had always thought that Severus was trouble and was afraid that Severus would lead Lily straight to hell with him. Severus had always thought that Lily's parents never gave their daughter enough credit for her strength of will, if they thought that he could ever make Lily do a single thing that she didn't wish to do. No, it was better to let Lily enjoy this time with them without the added tension his presence would bring.

His restless gaze moved past Camryn and her mother - she'd told them all her father had died in the Gulf War - then skipped over Dora and her parents, who looked just as insipid as she did, finally coming to rest on Remus and his parents, and an evil smile curved Severus' lips. 

He'd dressed special just for this occasion, and he pushed himself away from the wall, sauntering over toward the three, hips swaying in his too tight black jeans. The shirt he was wearing was one he'd borrowed from Lily, a brilliant scarlet silk he'd left unbuttoned but had tied at his waist, the sleeves rolled back to show his tanned forearms - coloration courtesy of his outing with Remus to Disneyland, which had been more enjoyable than he cared to admit. Lily had also helped him with his hair, coaxing the heavy black strands into a carefully disorganized mess that looked as though he'd just rolled out of bed, and applied the finishing touch, outlining his eyes in heavy black kohl that made them look both enormous and as black as outer space. She'd laughed over him saying he'd wanted to dress this way to play a joke on Remus, shaking her head but pressing his shoulder lightly. Somehow she knew where his interest lay, but since she thought Remus was straight, she obviously felt it was a doomed crush. Which it was, but not for the reason she believed.

When he reached Remus, he stood back politely and waited until Remus' mother's eyes fell on him, then smiled with exquisite politeness. "Well, hello... you must be Remus' parents," he drawled in a deep, rich voice, with no hint of a lisp. He'd decided to play it more metrosexual than flaming, just to keep them off guard.

Remus nearly choked when he saw Severus sauntering toward them, looking like sin incarnate in tight clothes and his hair tousled like he'd just rolled out of bed. The eyeliner suited him too, and Remus felt his body tighten in response, his libido urging him to grab Severus and give him what he was so obviously asking for.

Instead, he managed to smile as he greeted Severus, and if his voice and smile were rather warmer than usual, hopefully no one would notice. From the way his parents were staring at Severus, he thought it was a safe bet they wouldn't notice if he started doing the hula right then and there.

"Hi, Severus. Yes, these are my parents, Jack and Sarah Lupin," he said, making the introductions with dignified courtesy. "Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet my friend, Severus Snape. He's one of the three men left in the competition."

Sarah Lupin smiled and stretched out her hand. "Hello, Severus. It's nice to meet you."

Remus' father was a little more hesitant, eying Severus dubiously, but ingrained manners won out, and he offered to shake hands with Severus as well. "Hello," he grunted.

Severus didn't miss the double-take Remus did or the warmth in his pale blue eyes, and he had to resist the urge to preen under Remus' regard. Instead he inclined his head, clasping Remus' mother's hand in his warmly, then accepting his father's somewhat diffident clasp. They were very polite people, he had to give them that, but he could see they were as stuffy and conservative as Remus had said, particularly the father. But fathers were... difficult, Severus thought, although he kept his careful mask in place, not letting any hint of his inner bitterness show.

"Pleased to meet you both. I can see where Remus gets his good looks, as well as his relaxed personality," Severus said, placing his hands on his hips. "You must be very proud of your son. It's a tribute to his talent and dedication that he's made it this far, and has a real chance of beating us all. Not that I intend to make it easy for him, of course. As polite as he has been to me, I'm not quite ready to throw in the towel yet." He winked playfully at Remus' mother.

Moving to stand behind his parents, Remus shot Severus a grateful look, thankful that Severus was being polite to his parents; knowing how Severus felt about Remus' decision to keep his sexuality a secret, he wouldn't have been surprised if Severus had been cold and snarky to them.

Sarah blushed and smiled at the wink, visibly pleased by the attention, and Jack appeared a little mollified by the compliments, although he still regarded Severus with obvious wariness, seeming to size Severus up and find him lacking. But then again, Jack Lupin was generally disappointed by any male who wasn't a man's man.

"I'm very happy Remus has done so well," Sarah said, glancing back at Remus with obvious pride. "We never expected to see a child of ours on TV!"

"Even if it _is_ for dancing," Jack said, not quite scornfully.

Severus caught Remus' look and smiled slightly; he was no angel, but neither was he a complete bastard when the situation didn't warrant it - which this one didn't, or at least not yet. "Ah, but dancing is one of the most athletic of all pursuits, didn't you know?" Severus addressed Remus' father directly, not willing to let the dig at dancing slide. "Professional male dancers, for instance, have more stamina than a football player, better flexibility than a basketball player, and hand-eye coordination far superior to that of a baseball player. In addition to that, dancers must have an exquisite sense of balance and timing. For my specialty, I also do a great deal of gymnastics and pure endurance training." He paused, raising a brow in challenge. "I suspect that I could take on a college track and field athlete in almost any event and hold my own, and Remus is even stronger than I am. Trust me on this... I'm a biochemist. I've been involved in research studies as both a scientist and a subject, and the physical condition of a top dancer rivals that of the very best athletes in the world."

Sarah's eyes widened, and she looked as if she was both surprised and impressed by what Severus had said; she nodded and glanced at Remus, and it seemed to him as if she was seeing him differently. Probably she was; neither of his parents realized how much work went into his training, and if his mother had gained a new-found respect for what he did, then he was deeply indebted to Severus for enlightening her.

Even his father seemed grudgingly impressed, if not entirely convinced. "If you're a chemist, what are you doing here?" he asked. "Seems like science is a lot more practical," he added with a significant look at Remus, who suppressed a sigh.

"It's not about the money," Remus murmured, not wanting to start another round of the same old argument. "It's about enjoying what I do."

"Exactly." Severus nodded in agreement, then smiled wickedly. "Although the money for this competition will be very good. Even for those who don't win, the tour money will be substantial, not to mention the opportunities we'll have presented to us afterward. There are world famous, award winning choreographers working with us. I highly doubt that having made it to this level in the competition, any of us will want for employment in dance. Which will provide me with the funding for my PhD."

"Remus should be doing something like that," Jack said, frowning at his son. "Getting a degree in a _real_ field and just doing this stuff as a hobby."

"Dance _is_ a real field," Remus said patiently. "And like Severus said, we're all getting an amazing opportunity here."

"I think that, as an adult man, Remus should be doing whatever he wishes with his life." Severus straightened to his full height and looked down the length of his nose at Remus' father. Really, the man was quite insufferable, and Severus wasn't about to listen to the man putting down his son in front of a virtual stranger. "Did you, sir, allow your father to control your every thought, action, and desire? Pick your career, your spouse, your home? Either you trust that you have raised your child with the intelligence and wisdom to make the correct decisions on their own, or you are really saying that you weren't a good enough parent to trust their upbringing equipped them to make the proper decisions in life. Which is your fault, not theirs."

Bristling, Jack drew himself up and gave Severus a disdainful once-over. "A man wants to be proud of his kids, not ashamed to tell his friends and family what his own son wants to do for a so-called living. Looks to me like your father hasn't got much to be proud of."

"Okay, that's enough." Remus quickly interposed himself between his father and Severus, not wanting World War III to erupt because of his father's rudeness. He was grateful that Severus had tried to stand up for him, especially since he'd always had to fight his own battles alone before, but he knew his father wasn't going to back down.

"Boy, don't you dare tell me-"

"Jack, come along." Sarah grasped his arm and tried to lead him away, which was rare; usually, she didn't stand up to him, but Remus supposed the potential embarrassment of a volatile scene in public was worse to her than the thought of showing a little backbone to her husband. "Severus is a nice young man. Let's just go find out where we're staying, okay?"

"Good idea," Remus murmured, relieved. He moved closer to Severus, a subtle, silent refusal to accompany his parents further.

Severus went white when Remus' father made the crack about pride, but he bit his tongue, clenching his fists to keep himself from leaping forward to bloody the smug bastard's nose and show him just exactly how tough a dancer could be. Remus was trying to diffuse the situation, and so was his mother, so Severus held himself rigidly still, almost trembling in fury until the elder Lupins had departed. Once they were gone, Severus looked down at Remus, his eyes glittering dangerously.

"If that is your father's love, I would say you got a piss poor bargain on it," he muttered. "At least my father didn't even both..." Breaking off that thought, Severus drew in a deep breath. "I have to get out of here. I want to hit something."

"I'm sorry," Remus said softly, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I told you they have very narrow views. I wish I'd been exaggerating. Thanks for trying to help, though," he added, mustering a smile. "No one's ever done that for me before."

Severus shrugged, hunching his shoulders as he began to walk to the exit. "Let's just say I can sympathize," he answered, his voice rough. He glanced at Remus, wondering how either of them had managed to survive being raised by their respective families. "No one ever defended me, either."

"Severus." A low voice called his name, and Severus halted as though he'd suddenly been paralyzed. He knew that voice, even though he'd not heard it in several years - didn't want to hear it ever again. But almost against his will, he moved his gaze to the side of the room, seeing the familiar visage he'd never thought to see again. 

A hesitant smile curved the lips of a black-haired, hawk-nosed middle-aged woman, and she stepped forward slowly, holding out a hand as though Severus was a wild animal and she thought she might have to snatch it back again if he suddenly tried to bite. Given his white face and flaring nostrils, it was probably a wise move on her part.

"What are _you_ doing here?" he demanded, then stepped back, grasping Remus' arm. "No, I don't want to know. I'm leaving." He turned and started toward the door again.

"Severus!" There was real pain in her voice, but Severus didn't look back. 

Remus didn't bother to ask who the woman was; looking back and forth between them, there was no mistaking the family resemblance, but there was also no mistaking the fact that Severus was upset by her presence.

"What's wrong?" he asked, bewildered. "Why don't you want to see your aunt?" He took a guess as to the relationship between them; Severus hadn't mentioned siblings, and she was too old to be his sister or a close cousin anyway.

"Aunt?" The woman followed them, obviously not willing to let Severus off so lightly. "I'm Eileen Snape, Severus' mother."

Severus whirled so fast that Eileen stepped back and cringed, hands flying up as though she expected a blow. At the sight of it, Severus gave a bitter, hollow laugh. "I have no mother, so you don't have anything to be afraid of. No matter what shit I was raised with, _I_ don't beat people or fly into drunken rages. But why don't you go back to the person who does? You always preferred his opinion to mine, didn't you?"

To Remus' eyes, Severus looked as if he was going to be ill, and Remus instinctively reached out to rest his hand on Severus' shoulder in a silent show of support. He was shocked to learn the woman was Severus' mother; obviously Severus hadn't been telling the truth when he'd said his parents were dead, but Severus' words offered all the explanation Remus needed. The pieces clicked into place, and suddenly, the puzzle that was Severus Snape made a great deal more sense.

Eileen's dark eyes filled with tears. "I couldn't..." she started, but Severus cut her off with an angry gesture.

"Couldn't what? Keep him from drinking, or from beating me? I know you couldn't keep him from beating you, but after all these years, I can only surmise that you enjoy it in some fucked up way. Unfortunately, I never developed a taste for whiskey, or for lacerations, contusions, and broken bones. Do what you want with your life, as you always have, but you are not going to be in mine. Not _ever_ , do you understand me? Come near me again, and I'll do what I should have done years ago and have both of you tossed in jail."

Eileen burst into sobs, burying her face in her hands, but Severus felt nothing at all. He spun on his heel and looked at Remus. "I'm leaving. Stay or accompany me, as you wish, but don't expect me to ever discuss this. I've reached my tolerance level for the day, and I'm not going to be good company."

"I'm going with you," Remus said in a firm tone that made it clear he wouldn't be dissuaded. "If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine, but I don't think you need to be alone." He hesitated, the thought occurring to him that perhaps Severus might not want his company. "If you don't want me around, I could get Lily."

Severus shook his head once, sharply, then started toward the door again. He didn't care where he went, so long as it was away from here. He sensed Remus' presence beside him as they exited the coolness of the studio for the parking lot, still baking even though it was drawing close to evening. The heat suited Severus just fine, keeping up the fire of his anger as he walked as quickly as he could straight away from the building. And walked, and walked and walked...

He was aware of Remus beside him, but he was too caught up in his own stormy feelings to pay attention. In a vague way, though, he was glad Remus was there, because at least then, he wouldn't be tempted to walk off a bridge or into oncoming traffic. His feet carried him forward as rapidly as he could go, off the studio lot and out into the streets of LA and the teeming masses of people. He didn't know where he was going, but as long as he moved, he felt like he was escaping.

After perhaps half an hour, maybe a bit more, his steps began to slow as fatigue finally overcame the adrenaline rush of his anger. He swiped a hand over his brow, then stopped suddenly, scowling down at Remus. "Parents suck," he spat venomously. "I could almost envy you your close-minded bigots."

Remus had worked to keep up with Severus' long-legged strides and remained silent, feeling pretty sure Severus needed quiet while he walked off his anger, not a steady stream of platitudes. Thus Remus walked and waited until Severus gave him a cue that talking would be welcome, although he wasn't sure what he was going to say when it came.

"I could have it a lot worse," he agreed. "I'm sorry, Severus. I had no idea things were so bad for you."

Severus laughed, a harsh, bitter sound. "Bad? Saying things were bad is like saying they forgot my birthday all the time, or maybe dressed me funny and never came to my school plays. Oh, no, bad is reserved for parents like yours, who simply want you to be their spitting image, no matter what you want. My family was a nightmare. My father has tried on numerous occasions to kill everyone in his close vicinity, meaning that woman and me. He beat me for any reason - for him having a bad day at work, or for me getting good grades in school and thereby proving I was smarter than he was. He beat me to 'make me tough', to prove his power over me. And it was worse when he was drunk, which during my teen years was practically all the time. I finally left at sixteen, and I haven't seen either of them since. So if I seem to be pretty opinionated about families, that's why. And that's why I wanted to to beat the shit out of your father - for lashing out just because of his own tiny ego, trying to hurt you to make himself feel better about his own inadequacies."

"Which I understand and appreciate," Remus said, giving him a small smile. "But my situation isn't nearly as toxic as yours. I can handle my father. He's blunt, but he's never tried to hit me." He paused, watching Severus pensively for a moment. "Maybe you should tell them you don't want your mother involved with the show. I can't imagine you getting through an interview or dancing well, knowing she's in the audience, and you can't afford to be off your game even a little at this point. If you explain that you're estranged, I'm sure they'll understand."

"I can't believe she had the audacity to show up here." Severus crossed his arms over his chest. "But don't worry, I'm going to do whatever it takes to make sure neither of them can ever get near me again. I'm not going to let it affect me, either; if anything, I have even more to prove now than I did before."

He closed his eyes for a moment, drawing in a deep breath. "Dancing is about the only thing that saved me, you know. I couldn't turn into my father, couldn't afford to lash out at anyone with my fists, so I let it all out when I dance." He opened his eyes and looked at Remus soberly. "Though I suspect you already knew at least part of that or sensed it, right? I don't seem to be able to keep my damned mouth shut around you. Dammit, Lupin, I wasn't going to tell you any of this!"

"I knew there had to be a reason for all the anger and aggression you needed to let out," Remus admitted with a slight shrug. "But I didn't guess the reason why. I'm not going to tell anyone," he said, gazing up at Severus with somber earnestness. "I won't bug you with questions, either. You can tell me what you want to tell me on your own time." He fell silent for a moment, and then he reached out to clasp and squeeze Severus' hand gently. "You turned something hideous into something beautiful with your dance. That's pretty damned powerful."

The compliment surprised Severus, but it helped, at least in a small way, to remind him that he really had risen above his origins. No matter what, his father would never be able to hurt him again. He wasn't a victim, and he'd be damned if he'd let his father ruin something like this after all these years. 

"Thank you," he said softly, returning the pressure of Remus' hand. It was an act of will to resist pulling Remus into his arms, to seek comfort through contact, but he knew that while Remus was probably generous enough not to resist, Severus couldn't stand to know he was just doing it out of kindness. "I suppose we ought to get back," he continued, then gave a grumbling sigh. "I should probably practice, because I am going to be far too wound up to relax."

"I guess we should," Remus agreed with reluctance. "I need to work on my solo tonight."

He didn't move, however, or release Severus' hand, filled with a sudden longing to wrap his arms around Severus and hold him close, offering what comfort he could. The desire to help was like an ache within him, and he realized in a flash of clarity that the need he felt to comfort and be close had nothing to do with friendship.

Somehow, somewhere along the line, he'd fallen for Severus.

What should have been the happiest moment of his life was nothing but a source of confusion and despair; even if Severus was willing to give him a second chance after that fiasco in their shared room - and Remus thought that was a longshot at best, given Severus' grudge-holding capabilities - Remus couldn't drag Severus into the lie he lived. It wasn't fair to either of them, and Remus would get caught, and then everything he'd done and sacrificed all these years would have been for nothing. He'd lose everything. Except Severus, a little voice piped up in the back of his head. But was that enough? He wasn't sure it would be. One person couldn't make up for the loss of an entire family.

Pushing his tumultuous thoughts aside, he mustered a smile and forced himself to release Severus' hand. "Let's go," he said. "We do need to practice, and you've made me work up an appetite, too."

Severus didn't think he would be able to eat for a while, but he nodded, trying to ignore how cold his hand suddenly felt without Remus' warm palm against his. Suddenly he couldn't wait for this damned competition to be over, so that he could go back to his life, burying himself in work and study and not having to think about complicated things like emotions and hopeless longing and frustrated desire. At least he knew he'd never have to see his family ever again. Small consolation, perhaps, but at the moment, it was the only consolation he had.


	19. A Brief Misunderstanding

The fortunate thing about violent emotions is that they were unsustainable, burning themselves down to coals in a relatively short period of time. It was even so with Severus, who, after returning to the studio and informing the dancers' liaison in no uncertain terms that no member of his family was allowed anywhere near him, and that if necessary he would file a restraining order to make certain he was never bothered again, went on to focus his attention on remaining in the competition. He still felt a burning anger and resentment, but he was able to put it aside in order to throw himself into both his partner routine and his solo with a singlemindedness that earned him praise from the choreographer and a worried look from Camryn.

He was practicing his solo late on the night before the competition when he heard someone enter the practice room, and he looked up to find Lily watching him with a somber expression. A small stab of disappointment that it wasn't Remus halted his steps, but he resolutely ignored it. Lily was just as much a friend as Remus was; more, in fact, by virtue of longevity if nothing else, plus there weren't the frustrating overtones of attraction to contend with. 

"Hello, Severus," she said, giving him a small, hesitant smile. "Do you have a moment to talk?"

"Yes," he replied, motioning her over as he dropped down on the floor at the front of the room, scooping up his bottle of water and taking a long gulp. "Although I don't promise more than a moment if you're going to bring up the subject of our recent visitors..."

Lily shook her head in denial, moving to sit in front of him, crossing her legs and dropping into a graceful tailor's seat. She was also dressed in practice clothing, a leotard and tights, her long red hair pulled back in a ponytail. She looked young and oddly fragile, and Severus wondered if something was upsetting her.

"No, nothing like that, although I know I was far happier with my visitation than you were with yours," she replied softly, giving him a sympathetic look. He'd seen her looking at him with concern over the last day or so, but he'd not said anything, knowing that Lily was well aware of his feelings on the subject. "No, I... I need to talk, and I could certainly use your support."

"I'm willing to listen," he said. "What is it?"

She drew in a deep breath, looking at him with worried green eyes. "I... I've fallen in love, Severus. But... I know you're not going to like it...The thing is, knowing how you feel about him, I wanted to talk to you first," Lily continued, reaching out to take Severus' hand, squeezing it lightly. "I don't want things to be unpleasant between you and me because of it."

Severus' eyes narrowed, a knife twisting in his gut. Oh, God... Remus. Had she managed to go and fall in love with Remus, thinking him straight, and knowing as she did that Severus was attracted to him? What a mess that would be, given Remus' preferences; he just hoped that Remus would let her down gently, because if he didn't, Severus might have to beat him to a messy pulp.

"I doubt that will happen." Severus felt a little awkward, caught in this surreal situation. "Look, Lily... things don't always work out between people, you know. But I'm here if you need me. I mean, you don't even know how he feels, right?"

Lily laughed a little at that, Severus' words obviously easing her mind a bit. "Thanks, Severus, but I _do_ know how he feels. I wouldn't bother you with this if it was some unrequited crush or something. Just... just promise me you won't be nasty to him, all right? You're my best friend, and I don't want you two at each other's throats over me."

Severus did a double-take, then scowled at her. What in the hell did she mean, it wasn't unrequited? What in the hell was Remus playing at, making her think he returned her feelings? If this was about playing straight for his parents, forget beating him; Severus was going to _kill_ him. 

"Has he told you he returns your feelings, then?" he asked harshly. "Are you sure he wasn't lying to you for reasons of his own?"

Green eyes widened at his sudden shift in mood. "Yes, he returns my feelings, Severus. That's why I'm here talking to you!" she said, then bit her lip. "Please, Severus, don't fly off the handle about this. You'll still be my best friend, no matter what. I know you hate him..."

"What? I don't hate him! But after this, I might!" Severus pulled his hand away, then rose to his feet to stalk across the room, running a hand through his hair. "Where is he, then? I'm going to go and ram his hips up between his damned shoulders for lying to you like that!"

"He's not lying to me, Severus, he loves me!" Lily stood as well, running after him, her tone pleading. "He really does, Severus, he's not leading me on! I know you think he doesn't have any honor, but he's different around me than he is around you. The two of you... just hit it off wrong, it was trouble from the moment you met, but I can't help how I feel about him..."

"Oh, I bet he's different, all right," Severus muttered, then whirled to face her. "What, has he promised you happily ever after? A nice little house in the midwest with a picket fence and a yard full of children? He's a fraud, a phony! I'm going to kill him, Lily... You just watch."

"Severus! You will not lay a hand on James!" Lily was suddenly angry as well, rising up to her full height and waggling a finger under her nose. "What in the hell is wrong with you? I heard what you said to Remus' parents yesterday, telling them not to live his life for him, and here you are, trying to live mine! I was trying to be nice, to let my best friend know that I was aware he didn't like the man I was in love with, but you're being a total prick about it! James _does_ love me, and I love him... and if you can't accept that, then maybe you aren't as much my friend as I thought... and you're a big hypocrite in bargain!"

"What?" Severus stopped, going completely still as he stared at her, his brain trying to wrap itself around the conversation. It took him a moment to process through, but when he did, he realized they had been talking at cross-purposes the whole time.

Lily was in love with James. Not Remus, but James; Severus would have laughed in relief had he not wanted to wring her neck for being an idiot.

"Son of a bitch," he muttered, running his hands up into his hair and trying to get hold of his temper. He drew in several deep breaths. "Look, Lily... James is an asshole, and nothing you say otherwise is going to change my mind." There, that was probably more the answer she expected. He winced as he realized she was right, though, and he had, for the briefest moment, a flash of sympathy for Remus' father. Maybe it was possible to want to control someone else's life for their own good, if you thought they were unable to figure out the obvious on their own. 

"Mom and dad like him," Lily said, her eyes filling with tears. "God, Severus, why do you have to be such a bastard about things? Can't you be happy that I'm happy?"

For a moment, it was on the tip off Severus' tongue to deny it, but he could see the misery written on her face, and he realized he was in serious danger of wrecking his own relationship with Lily. James wasn't worth _that_ , not after Lily had stood by Severus when he'd been beaten bloody by his father. Besides, if James was the prick Severus thought him - and Severus didn't doubt he was - Lily was going to need his support.

"I am glad you are happy," he answered finally. "Although I can't say I'm pleased about your choice, it's your choice, not mine."

Lily sniffled then, and smiled, realizing that as backward as it sounded, the words amounted to a capitulation. She wrapped her arms around him briefly, hugging him hard. "Thanks, Severus. I bet over time, the two of you will warm up to each other, you'll see."

Personally, Severus thought it more likely that the earth would stop in its orbit, but if it helped Lily to believe otherwise, he'd not shatter her illusion. She was in love, and Severus could sympathize with how she felt. Perhaps they were both doomed to have it end badly, but at least she could have a little while of believing in fairy tales. 

"We'll see," he said. "So... was that the only bombshell you needed to drop on me?"

"No, that was it," she laughed, then released him, stepping back to wipe her cheeks on the sleeve of her leotard. "Oh, Severus, I know one day you'll be as happy and in love as I am, when you find the right man. It'll happen, and I can't wait."

Severus scowled darkly at that, then moved back toward the mirror. "Love is for girls and insipid fools, not for me," he said. "It's less complicated to just be alone. At least then I know I don't have to worry about someone else's feelings in the matter."

Lily sobered. "I know you're bitter, Severus, and I know... well, I know how you seem to feel about Remus, and I'm sorry he's straight. I think you'd make a wonderful couple, the two of you. Too bad it's just not meant to be."

"Lots of things weren't meant to be... like you having a shot in this competition if you don't get out of here and let me practice," he shot back, covering a stab of pain at her words. "Go on, back to that mealy mouthed little bastard you're so fond of. Some of us have to dance tomorrow without love's light wings to carry us through."

"Cynic," she said quietly, but Severus didn't look up from fiddling with his CD player. "You'll do great tomorrow, Severus, I know."

Severus didn't respond, and when he finally straightened, Lily was gone, which was a relief. He'd come damned close to outing Remus in a fit of jealousy, and that wasn't good. Remus would never forgive him for that, and Severus had enough problems at the moment as it was.

So many, in fact, that if he managed to pull off his dances tomorrow and not get eliminated, it wouldn't just be a surprise, it would be a miracle. 

"For my next trick, walking on water," he muttered under his breath, and then threw himself back into his solo as though his life depended on it. Which perhaps, in a way, it did.


	20. Hitting Bottom

When the make-up artist finished with him and turned his chair toward the huge lighted mirror so he could see the results, Remus boggled for a moment and then burst out laughing. He reached up to touch the tufts of hair sprouting all over his face, stroking it gingerly, and he bared his teeth to reveal the custom-made fangs that had been created from a mold of his own teeth.

"Wow... I feel like I'm in the cast of the 'Thriller' video," he said, still disoriented by the sight of his own eyes in a wolf's face.

"Too bad you're going to have to scrub it all off so quickly," Tanya, the make-up artist, sighed. "I shouldn't take sides, but I'm hoping you aren't in the bottom two this week so you could keep it on if you wanted to."

"It really is good work," he replied, and she beamed.

"Here, let me take some pictures," she said, grabbing her digital camera. "This'll be great for my portfolio."

After sitting for several photos, Remus was finally released from the make-up chair, and he headed off to find out if any of the other contestants were finished in hair and make-up so he could compare their make-up to his. Personally, he doubted anyoneelse's was going to be as cool as his.

Dora was already finished; she was swathed in an abstract sort of mummy costume; a literal interpretation wouldn't have let her move, much less dance, he supposed, as he took in the sight of her gauzy, sunken-eyed appearance.

"Remus?" she asked hesitantly, her eyes growing wide when she saw him, and he bared his teeth and growled at her. "Oh, my God! That's _great_! It's actually scary!"

"Thanks." He smiled, pleased by her response. "Tanya was so happy with it, she's putting it in her portfolio."

Severus, exiting from his own small cubicle, examined Remus with a critical eye. "You look..." Sexy. Beastly. Absolutely fantastic. "Acceptable." He turned his attention to Dora. "And you've never looked better."

He wished that Dora wasn't around, because he would have liked to preen a bit himself. The makeup artist had slicked his hair back and had lightened his tanned face to a bloodless pallor. His dark eyes had been outlined in black, and his lips were crimson. He parted his lips to reveal fangs that were more delicate than Remus', and his costume consisted of an old-fashioned tuxedo topped with a flowing black cape lined in crimson satin. He raised a brow at Remus, deciding to ignore Dora's presence. 

"Do I look like I suck?" he drawled, although he would have liked to offer to suck something ever so much more interesting than blood.

Memories of Severus _sucking_ crowded Remus' mind, and when he spoke, his voice was rough. "Yes." He cleared his throat and tried again. "You look very dapper. They say all men look handsome in evening wear."

" _Most_ men," Dora muttered, shooting Severus a glare.

"It's certainly better than rags," Remus continued quickly, gesturing to his own tattered costume, which, conveniently enough, involved an unbuttoned shirt. He was beginning to think someone in Costuming was conspiring to keep him half-naked.

Severus' eyes followed Remus' hand, and he admired the lines of Remus' chest in the skimpy costume. "Don't knock rags... the... women will love it and vote for you in droves."

"No doubt about that!" Camryn ran up, her hair done in an enormous pile on top of her head, set off by two white stripes. She was pale and dressed in a skimpy negligee that floated around her like a cloud. "And what about me? Think the guys will go for it?"

"They're idiots if they don't," Severus replied, although his observation was more about logic than any attraction on his own part. 

"And do I pass muster?" Lily chimed in, raising her arms so that her filmy garments drifted in the faint breeze of the air conditioners. Her red hair had been powdered, and it drifted around her in pale strands. She was a vision in white, and she twirled, looking absolutely ethereal.

Despite not feeling desire for women, Remus recognized a woman's beauty when he saw it, and he nodded his approval. "Definitely!"

"You've certainly been haunting me." A new voice entered the conversation, and Remus glanced around to see James approaching, made up in what had to be zombie regalia. His torn clothes were made to look bloody and muddy, as if he'd clawed his way out of his grave, and the make-up artist who'd worked on him made his face appear decayed.

"I see they finally found your best side, Potter," Severus said, crossing his arms over his chest. Lily shot him A Look, but he merely shrugged.

"Oh, ha, ha... they made you up as a leech, I see, so that fits, too." James glared in return.

"Boys!" Lily stepped between them, putting one hand on each of their chests and pushing. "Are you twenty or two?"

"He started it!" James complained, but Severus only shrugged and stepped away. The man wasn't worth it.

"We'd best get on stage, or we'll get in trouble... and that wouldn't do." Severus turned in a billow of his cape and stalked off toward the stage.

The opening group number had been choreographed by Tyson, who had become Remus' favorite person to work with on the show; the fact that they got to dress up in even more outrageous costumes than normal only added to his delight in the routine. His enthusiasm was a little dimmed by thinking about Severus' family issues, and he ignored James and hurried to catch up with Severus, casting concerned glances at him.

"How are you doing?" he asked. He'd heard about Severus' request that his mother be removed; Severus had indeed been the only one of them who hadn't had a family-oriented interview clip shown the night before, and Remus was worried that it was affecting Severus more than he let on.

"Me? I'm fine, just fine," Severus replied, glancing down at Remus. He was touched by the concern he saw in Remus' eyes, and he knew what it must stem from. Dropping his voice, he stepped slightly closer. "I cut them out of my life a long time ago. As long as they stay away, I can handle it."

"Okay." Remus smiled up at him, a little more reassured. Severus was good at masking, but not good enough to hide anger and agitation; fortunately, he didn't seem nearly as upset as he had been the night Eileen Snape showed up. "Just checking. Good luck tonight. We've come this far together, and I'd like us to go all the way to the end."

Severus nodded. "And to you, too. You'd better not leave me with that damned Potter, because I probably will end up wringing his neck. So if I go to jail, it will be your fault!" They had arrived at the stage, and Tyson was motioning them to take their positions. 

"I'll do my best," Remus replied, and then there was no more time for talk as they hurried on-stage, and the music for the group number began.

It was an abstract number that involved the six of them in an imaginary battle over who was the best supernatural creature; there was even a segment in which he and Severus got to face off, and Remus enjoyed being able to dance with Severus even if it was only for a few seconds.

Afterward, they waited backstage until Kate called them out, the girls first and then the guys, to identify the bottom four of the week. Fortunately, he didn't have time to be wept on when Dora returned, devastated that she was in the bottom.Camryn, the other girl in danger, was teary-eyed, but she seemed to be taking it better than Dora.

When Kate called out the guys, Remus positioned himself between Severus and James just in case, and he waited patiently, trying to quell his nerves while Kate recapped their dances from the night before. It seemed like an eternity before she finally opened the card in her hand.

"I can now reveal the first guy in our bottom two tonight is..." She cast a sympathetic look in Remus' direction that he knew was sincere. "Remus."

There was an eruption of booing and awwing from the audience, and Remus smiled and waved to his fans as he moved to stand beside Kate for the obligatory questioning of the condemned. It was the first time during the entire competition that he'd been in the bottom, which he felt was quite an accomplishment, and he felt oddly calm. Severus' words about not railing against things you couldn't change echoed in his head, reminding him that the votes were cast already, and nothing could change the outcome.

"This is your first time in the bottom," Kate said, sliding her arm across his shoulders and giving him a squeeze, reminding him why he liked her; she seemed to care about all the dancers, and he believed it when she said she hated having to eliminate anyone. "Are you disappointed there wasn't a better response to yourBollywood number? The judges loved it."

"At this point in the competition, there aren't that many people left, so the chances of ending up in the bottom are higher," he said pragmatically. "We did our best last night, and I think me being in the bottom two tonight isn't necessarily a reflection on the quality of the performance but just how the numbers played out. People wanted either Severus or James to be safe more than me, and that's understandable because they're both great dancers."

"Very sensible of you." Kate smiled at him warmly. "All right, you can join Camryn and Dora, and we'll see your solo later!"

Severus went rigid when Remus was announced as being in the bottom; Remus had never been there before, and Severus had felt certain that the two in danger would be him and James. James had not had a good showing the previous night, but sometimes it worked out that sympathy votes were cast for someone if the fans felt a favorite was in danger. But this was really bad; if he ended up in the bottom with Remus, it meant that one of the two of them would be going home, and that would be the end of everything. 

"No, no, no," he muttered to himself, wishing there was something he could do to change this, to keep himself and Remus together until the end. Remus was right; they'd come this far together, and they had to see it through to the end, the two of them. Anything less was unacceptable.

Of course, the universe didn't care about Severus Snape's view of what was fair or unfair, and so he waited with as much anxiety as anyone else for Kate to announce the next one in danger.

"So now we have one more who might be leaving us tonight... and I can reveal that Severus..."

 _Here it comes_ , Severus thought, his heart twisting painfully. He could practically hear James swelling up beside him, already anticipating his place in the Final Four. It wasn't fair, because James sucked and was a total bastard, but it was out of Severus' hands now.

"...isn't going anywhere tonight. I'm sorry, James, but you're in the bottom two, and you're in danger of leaving us tonight. Severus, you received the most votes, and you are safe."

Severus was stunned, unable to believe that he was safe, and that, perhaps, Remus would be safe, too. Beside him, he heard James draw in a deep, disbelieving breath, but Kate was motioning Severus off the stage, where he was met by Lily, who wrapped her arms around him, trembling in reaction. 

"We're in the final four... can you believe it, Severus? We made it, we really made it!"

It was something to be happy about, of course, but Severus' anxiety was over yet. "Yes, we did... but we still have to see what's to come and who we're facing."

"Yes, you're right," Lily whispered, then clutched Severus' hand as they waited for the final dances and to learn the fate of the people who had been their companions for so many weeks.

Dora and Camryn performed their solos first, and Remus watched, feeling somewhat detached and more than a little morbidly amused that the one time during the competition when he'd landed in the bottom was the one time his parents were in the audience, watching him falter, perhaps fail. If he had been voted out, it would be "I told you so" fodder for his father for years to come.

But that didn't stop him from throwing himself into his solo with abandon; if this was to be his last dance on the show, then he was damned well going to make it a good one. After his performance, the judges commiserated with him, reiterating that they didn't think he deserved to go home after his consistent quality and ability to adapt to diverse styles over the course of the competition, and that made the bitter medicine go down a little easier.

But the hour-long results show flew by all too quickly, and suddenly, it was time for the results. The four of them lined up beside Kate, and in a matter of seconds, it was over forCamryn . The remaining three hugged her, and Dora sobbed, although Remus couldn't have said whether it was due to relief or genuine remorse over losing her friend. Perhaps both.

Then Remus was left standing there with James, who looked as if he was facing his own execution; Remus watched Kate, the world seeming to fade away as he waited, listening, his heart pounding...

"James..."

Remus' heart stopped, and his breath caught in his throat.

"You will not be in the final two. I'm sorry. Remus, you'll be moving on to the finals!"

"Oh, God..." Remus let out his breath in a ragged gasp, his knees feeling as if they were going to give way at any second, but he managed to keep it together long enough to hug Kate and shake hands with James, scarcely able to believe he really had made it to the final four.

Severus thought his heart might have stopped beating when Kate spoke James' name, but then when she said Remus was safe, he let out a whoop of triumph. Beside him, Lily gasped, obviously disappointed that James had lost, but Severus could spare only the smallest bit of sympathy for her. She and James would find a way to be together, no matter what, but he and Remus... this was it, for them. When this idyll was over, they would go back to the real world, and Severus didn't see any way that they would ever be able to be together as he wished.

He pulled Lily with him as he ran up on the stage, stopping first to give Camryn a warm hug that surprised her. He truly was sad to see her go, especially since it meant Dora was left, but she was good enough of a dancer to do very well with the opportunities the show would give her. Then he was standing in front of Remus, ignoring Lily hugging James as he faced Remus, wanting to pull him into his arms and kiss him, but knowing that would be the worst thing he could do.

"Congratulations. I guess we'll both live," he said softly, knowing it was inadequate, but unable to think of anything else to express his feelings of relief and happiness that they had both made it.

"I guess we will," Remus replied just as softly.

He gazed up at Severus, feeling as if he was being batted around by a tempest of emotion - relief, jubilation, longing, apprehension - and he couldn't make sense of any of it at the moment. He didn't want to think; he just wanted to savor this moment, and for once, he threw caution aside and acted on impulse.

Moving closer, he wrapped his arms around Severus in an enthusiastic hug. A natural act from one winner to another - he hoped. At the moment, he didn't much care; he was enjoying the feel of Severus in his arms again.

"Congratulations," he murmured in Severus' ear.

Severus was surprised, but he wasn't about to look a gift horse in he mouth, either, and he figured the giddy happiness of everyone bought them a certain amount of plausibledeniability . He wrapped his arms around Remus in return, and his lips brushed Remus' cheek in a brief, secretive kiss that he hoped even Remus would put down to just chance. "You, too," he murmured.

Remus released him and stepped back with reluctance, ignoring his desire to cling to Severus; he'd felt the kiss, and it both warmed and saddened him, making him acutely aware of the empty ache within him that could only be filled by Severus.

"So..." He glanced around at the others, mustering a cheerful smile. "Celebration time?"

"Yes!" Dora beamed and clapped her hands. "Let's go out somewhere."

Severus would have preferred a private celebrating for two, but he knew that was out of the question. "Certainly. Are you inviting your families along?"

Lily nodded. "Mom and Dad would love that, I'm sure."

Dora nodded her agreement as well, and Remus hesitated, and then he decided to do what _he_ wanted for once. After the competition, he would go back to being the good son, but tonight was _his_ night, and he didn't want to share it with his father, who would probably find a way of diminishing his accomplishment.

"I'm not. They keep early hours, so they're probably too tired," he said lightly. "But I don't mind if your parents come along," he added, looking back and forth between Lily and Dora.

Severus cheered up considerably at the thought of Remus' parents being left behind. "Sounds like we're decided, then... all except where we're going to go." He raised a brow at Remus. "What's your pleasure, Mr. Lupin?"

Remus raised an eyebrow at him in return, suspecting he had asked such a loaded question on purpose. "There's a nice looking bistro within walking distance, or if we want to go all out, I saw a pizzeria. Some hand-tossed pizza and beer would be appropriately decadent, wouldn't it?"

"Yes! God, I'd kill for some pizza, and I think we've earned it!" Lily laughed, although there was a lingering bit of sadness in her eyes at the thought of losing James. But she had never been a partypooper, and Severus knew she wouldn't spoil it for everyone else. 

"By all means, let's get pizza; she is an absolute beast when she's hungry," Severus said, and Lily gurgled with mock rage before punching him in the arm. "See? Didn't I tell you? Women. Sheesh!"

Remus laughed and shook his head. "Okay, let's all get cleaned up and changed and meet out front of the dorm in... say... half an hour?"

Both Lily and Dora protested the short time frame vehemently, and Remus raised his hands in surrender. "An hour, then!" he conceded. "But if Severus and I get tired of waiting and go ahead without you, you'll have only yourselves to blame."

The girls ran off at once, obviously needing every moment to make themselves presentable. Severus shook his head as he watched them go, knowing that all he needed was a shower and a change of clothing, which would leave plenty of time for more interesting pursuits, if those were on the agenda. They weren't, of course, but he couldn't seem to keep his mind from drifting in that direction.

"I'll go shower and be back in thirty minutes... then we can mock them. That work for you?" Severus asked.

"That's perfect." Remus nodded and smiled, pleased they were going out together, even if it wasn't really a date. Perhaps Remus would indulge himself and pretend it was, just a little. "See you in thirty minutes," he said, and with a wave, he headed off in the same direction as the girls, already trying to figure out what to wear that would help him look good without making it obvious he was trying to look good.


	21. The Primal Dance

As if the previous weeks hadn't been tough enough with two dances, a solo, and a group routine to learn, the week of the finals was particularly grueling. Each of the final four contestants had to dance with each other, which meant three dances each, plus whatever group routines they had to learn for the results show.

But the rigors of the up-coming week weren't what were making Remus antsy as he paced the length of the small practice room. No, it was the fact that he was going to be dancing with Severus. Moreover, he was going to be dancing a paso doble with Severus, and if there was anything more heated and sexually charged than that, he couldn't think of what it was.

He'd already met with all three of his partners for the week; the four of them had spent the entire previous day with the choreographers, learning their routines, and today, they had scheduled specific practice times with each other. Lily and Dora were working on their Contemporary routine for the next three hours while Remus and Severus worked on their routine, and then they'd trade partners for another round of practice practice practice.

The paso doble wasn't strictly ballroom; they had gotten Wayne Robinson, who was Remus' second favorite choreographer after Tyson, and Wayne had decided to do something different since, as he put it, "I've got a pair of aggressive men to work with". He wanted to play to their strengths and to the personas they projected on-stage, and the paso was the result. It was a fusion of ballroom and jazz, drawing on elements of both to create a strong, passionate dance between two strong, passionate men vying for the alpha position.

The choreography was indeed aggressive. They were supposed to portray two matadors who were trying to prove which of them was the better and more dominant, and the undercurrent of sexual tension had crackled between them, making every move that much more charged, much to Wayne's delight. _Wayne_ was thrilled by the level of power and intensity they brought to the dance, but Remus thought it would be a miracle if he got through the week without either having a nervous breakdown or ravishing Severus. Either way, it wouldn't end well.

"Professional," he muttered to himself as he forced himself to stop pacing and busied himself with checking the CD player instead. "Time to be a professional."

"Did you say something?"

Severus entered the room, a towel thrown over his shoulder and his workout bag in his hand. He'd just finished up a practice with Lily on a hip-hop number, and he'd snuck in a five minute shower to wash off the sweat before meeting Remus. He'd just end up drenched again, of course, but he also needed the time to mentally prepare himself for this rehearsal.

To say that this dance stretched him to the breaking point was an understatement. It wasn't just the demanding choreography, but the way he and Remus moved with each other, brushing against each other in a display of dominance that had him practically vibrating with nervous tension. When danced by a male and a female, the woman normally represented the matador's cape, but in their case, Wayne had them using a combination of real capes and gestures to give it the same feel. As it was, Severus could barely manage to keep his breath from all the physical contact with Remus, so he wasn't certain how well he was going to be able to do with a cape added into the bargain.

Dropping his bag on the floor, he faced Remus with his hands on his hips, his expression sober. "Shall we go without the capes first? I want to make certain I have the damned steps down before we add in a possible tripping hazard."

Remus turned to face Severus, ignoring the first question; he didn't care to admit he'd been caught giving himself a pep talk in order to keep from molesting his dance partner. Instead, he nodded agreement in response to the second question.

"Yes, I think it's a good idea to focus on getting the steps first before dividing our concentration with the capes," he said. "I've got the music cued up, so we can get started whenever you're ready."

Drawing in a deep breath, Severus steeled himself for the incredible temptation of Remus dancing close to him - close, and yet so very, very far. He moved into his position on the floor and struck his opening pose: back straight, feet and knees together with one hand crossed over his body as he looked to the side, his ponytail revealing the arch of his neck. His other arm lifted in a graceful arc over his head, as though he were holding the cape. 

"Ready," he said, his voice low and deep.

Remus was momentarily transfixed by the grace and beauty of Severus' lines; the sight resonated with his sense of aesthetics - not to mention, it shook up his libido - but he pulled himself together and went to turn on the music, hurrying to take his place opposite Severus.

Slipping into his persona, he met Severus' gaze evenly and tilted his chin up in a defiant challenge as he began to move, tapping the same well of masculine aggression he'd used in the hunter-prey routine several weeks before. Sometimes, he surprised himself with how easy it was to call on that inner darkness; he didn't know where it came from, only that it was there, and the pleasant and calm front he presented to the world provided a necessary cover.

The music began, and Severus focused on Remus, lowering his upraised arm to his side as they began to circle one another, two predators taking each other's measure. He could see the heat in Remus' eyes, and he was hyper aware of Remus in return; he fancied he could hear the beating of Remus' heart as they stalked around each other as though circling for a strike. 

Then there came a sudden, sharp beat of the music, and they both raised their hands over their heads before beginning to circle them as though they were taunting each other with their capes. They spun away from each other, dancing as two halves of a figure eight, the movements of their feet rapid and loud on the floor. Then back toward each other, the two of them traveling in an ever-tightening spiral until they were almost forehead to forehead.

Severus felt exhilarated; the dance was sensual, yes, but it was also powerful, a display of male aggression as they each tried to outdo each other, their movements perfect mirrors of each other. It was a duel, and he could see from the fire in Remus' pale eyes that he felt it, too.

Remembering that the judges loved it when the dancers put their own style and personality into the routine, Remus decided to try an experiment; with any luck, it would help distract him from the heat in Severus' dark eyes, help keep him from grabbing Severus' face between his hands and kissing him. No doubt the testosterone was going to his head, and he had to do _something_ , and so he began to put his own Contemporary spin on the choreographed moves, issuing a silent challenge to Severus to do battle - Contemporary dancer against b-boy. A quirk of his eyebrow said it all: _Do you dare?_

Severus lifted a brow in response, and then he smiled evilly, recognizing and accepting the challenge. They began a series of spins, and he changed his slightly, his posture less classical and more street-inspired. The spins ended in a flurry of leaps, legs bent and arms lifted overhead, and Severus put his heart into them, launching himself so high that his hands actually brushed the ceiling of the practice room. He whirled to face Remus, heart pounding fiercely, and the movement where they closed again became a stalking, predatory gait; somewhere in the passion of the music and the movement, it became less about flaunting and more about seduction, and he rolled his hips as he moved, watching Remus with narrowed eyes that were full of ill-concealed hunger. Remus looked fantastic, flushed, skin gleaming damply, and Severus had to hold himself to the choreography to keep from leaping on Remus and pulling him to the floor.

Remus couldn't keep his gaze from straying to the seductive roll of Severus' hips; he tried wrenching his attention upward, but that presented him with a view of Severus' flushed face and hungry eyes, which wasn't any better. He found himself responding in kind despite his best intentions, his own movements becoming predatory as they circled closer, and he felt an odd tension growing tighter and tighter between them; he felt as if something was about to snap, the music and the dance dredging up all the longing he'd been trying to suppress for weeks. It was _there_ , raw and exposed, and he _needed_ so desperately.

Caught up in the moment, he forgot about the choreography and lunged forward, arms outstretched, and Severus was lunging for him too, and they collided in a tangle of heat and desperation.

The music and the dance were forgotten, and the pounding rush of blood in Severus' head had nothing to do with exertion and everything to do with long-frustrated desire. He kissed Remus desperately, his arms wrapped around Remus' shoulders as he parted his lips, their tongues dueling with passion equal to the choreography. One of them moaned, Severus wasn't certain which, but it was a sound that echoed in his head, so full of need that it ignited an inferno within him.

He wasn't aware of moving, but suddenly they stopped, and he was vaguely aware that the cold, hard surface against his arms was the mirrored wall he'd managed to back Remus against. It wasn't a problem, in his opinion, and he didn't remove his mouth from Remus' as they continued to kiss, moving his hands so that he could push them under the hem of Remus' shirt and slide them up Remus' hot skin, fingers exploring the smoothness of Remus' stomach and chest. Then he brushed his thumbs over Remus' nipples, wildly curious as to how Remus would react to the stimulation.

Releasing a startled hiss, Remus arched his back and wriggled beneath Severus' teasing fingers; never had he felt things so intensely before, every touch arousing him even more until he could barely think, only feel. For once, he didn't care. He stripped off his shirt and tossed it aside, and then he pushed his hands beneath Severus' shirt in return, wanting to make Severus squirm and moan. He let his hands roam Severus' hot skin, drinking in the hard planes and angles of Severus' body with eager greed. Only when he had touched his fill did he mirror Severus' teasing, tugging Severus' nipples lightly.

Severus hissed in pleasure at the tormenting of Remus' fingers, then he growled, thrusting one leg between Remus' and moving his own hands to Remus' hips, rocking against him, seeking friction to relieve the swiftly mounting ache. His lips sought out the hollow beneath Remus' ear, nibbling and sucking at the salty, tender skin there. 

"Remus," he purred, wanting the feeling of Remus' name on his tongue. He'd never felt so much desire before, and while part of him longed for a proper bed and the means for them to be completely joined, this frenzied desire was wild and arousing as well.

"Severus," Remus answered with a low moan, feeling as if his bones were melting. He wound his arms around Severus, clinging to him like a lifeline, and he rocked his hips, matching the rhythm of Severus' body as easily as if they had been lovers for years; he felt as if their breathing, their very heartbeats, were perfectly in sync, and the burning lust in his blood was tempered by the yearning in his heart. He wanted to be connected to Severus, and he wanted it to be forever, but all they had was this moment.

Breathing hard, Severus' hands tightened on Remus' hips, urging him to a faster rhythm. He wanted to give Remus pleasure, to somehow demonstrate all the longing he felt, the depth of love and desire that he couldn't reveal. Even if it were hopeless, even if it could never amount to the belonging he wanted, he couldn't turn away from it, and he claimed Remus' lips again as the burning inside of him became an inferno, his moans of pleasure against Remus' mouth ending in a gasp as he pressed harder against Remus, ecstasy overwhelming his senses as he lost himself completely in this perfect moment in Remus' arms.

Remus swallowed the sounds of pleasure that escaped Severus, and he clung to Severus even tighter, the feel of Severus unraveling in his arms pushing him closer to the edge; he rocked harder against Severus' thigh, letting his own need crest and break at last, crying out as he too found release.

Sagging against the mirror, he nuzzled Severus' throat, breathing in the warm scent of desire and satiation rising from Severus' skin, and he held Severus close, not ready to let him go yet. But as good as it had been, he felt a sick knot form in his stomach at the thought of what they'd done causing Severus to grow angry with him.

"You aren't going to shout at me again, are you?" he murmured, hoping he hadn't just ruined their friendship by giving in to his wayward desires.

Severus felt many things, chief among them an odd combination of satiation and sadness, but he had no desire to shout. He sighed, shaking his head as he leaned against Remus, not yet willing to move. Lifting one hand, he caressed Remus' cheek, then slid his fingers into Remus hair.

"No," he replied, his voice huskier than he would have liked. He wanted, he _needed_ , but he'd already accepted that it wasn't to be, and he didn't want to risk losing Remus from his life completely. "I might want to shout at the perversity of the universe or the idiocy of your parents, but... not at you. Perhaps this shouldn't have happened, but... I suppose at the moment, I can't find it in me to care."

"Neither can I," Remus said, releasing a quiet sigh. "I suppose it would be pointless to pretend I don't want you or... or feel something for you."

He rested his forehead on Severus' shoulder and closed his eyes, wishing things were different. If he were braver, if he didn't care so much about what his family thought, then he could admit the truth and be open about himself and about whom he loved. For the first time in a long time, he was tempted to take the risk. The thought of a future without Severus looked bleak indeed, and he was beginning to question whether keeping the peace was worth this particular loss.

"I wish I didn't, but I do," he murmured. "I won't bother pretending about that."

"But it's not enough." It wasn't a question, but a statement, and Severus closed his eyes against the pain of knowing that whatever Remus felt for him, friendship or desire, it couldn't compete with the love he had for his parents. Perhaps Remus even felt sorry for him, and that caused an intolerable ache in the pit of his stomach; obviously Remus didn't want to feel anything like that for him at all, and that was all Severus really needed to know.

He pressed his lips to Remus' cheek briefly, then disentangled himself and stepped back. Drawing in a deep breath, he gestured to the floor. "I'm going to go clean up, and then we should get back to work, right?" At the moment, he wasn't certain he had the heart to ever dance again, but he was too much of a competitor to give up now.

"Yeah..." Remus pushed himself away from the mirror, peering at the air of defeat surrounding Severus with growing concern. Seeing Severus looking like that because of him made his heart wrench in his chest, and he knew he wasn't going to be in any condition to dance. "I think we need a break," he said at last. " _I_ need a break. I need to clear my head, so..." He smiled wryly. "I guess I need to take a page from your book and go for a long walk."

It was obvious that Remus wanted away from him, and Severus nodded. "As you wish. I'm going to practice." He didn't want to, but what else was there for him to do? He felt hollow, but going through the motions was all he had right now to keep him going. "Enjoy your walk. I suppose we can practice together tomorrow."

"Yes, we will," Remus said firmly. He paused and sighed, raking his fingers through his hair. "I'm not running away from you, Severus, and I don't want to avoid you. I just need to think, that's all. I'll talk to you tomorrow, I promise."

"All right." It wasn't that Severus didn't believe Remus; he didn't think there wasn't anything for them to say, really. Remus had been perfectly clear about what was most important in his life, and Severus wasn't the type of man to beg or plead, and he didn't have the energy at the moment to rail against fate. But all the joy had gone out of the competition; it was now simply something to be gotten through. "I'll be here."

"Okay." Remus shot him one more concerned look, but Severus seemed to be shutting down again, and Remus had his own issues to sort through at the moment, and so he nodded and turned to leave, lost in his own thoughts before he was even out the door.


	22. Oh, What a Tangled Web...

For a long time, Remus walked aimlessly, paying no heed to where his feet took him; he simply wandered and delved deeper into his own head with every step. The problem wasn't figuring out what he wanted; he knew that. He wanted Severus. He wanted to be with Severus; he wanted to try making a relationship with Severus work. He wanted more than just frantic interludes that would end when the competition ended. He wanted snarkily ever after.

No, the problem was figuring out what to do about it.

Being with Severus meant taking a risk. It meant throwing aside the mask he'd been wearing for years and being himself - fully himself - for the first time. That was scary as hell. Thinking about living the rest of his life without Severus was scary as hell too. So which was scarier? A life of dull, loveless safety or a life of risk, loss, and love? Was Severus worth the risk of losing his family?

He thought about his father and how tired the endless rounds of debate and the constant belittling made him. Severus was prickly, but he accepted Remus for himself and understood his desire to spend his life dancing. He thought about his mother walking an eternal tightrope between supporting her son and kowtowing to her husband. He thought about not being able to go home, about losing the one familiar touchstone of his entire life.

He thought about creating a new touchstone somewhere else. Starting over was huge and terrifying, and he wasn't sure he was ready, but then again, he knew himself well enough to know he would teeter on the edge of the precipice forever unless he forced himself to jump.

He thought about breathing freely for the first time in his life, about never having to pretend he was something he wasn't ever again. He was tired of pretending, tired of catering to other people's expectations, tired of... everything. He was ready to stop being tired.

He stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, filled with a new-found certainty. He _was_ ready to jump. He was ready to _fly_.

Pivoting on his heel, he hurried back to the dance studio, his mind racing as he tried to decide how to approach Severus. After everything they'd been through, he didn't want to waltz in and announce that he was going to stop pretending. Words were easy, and at this point, he thought actions would speak louder and be more convincing to Severus. He remembered overhearing Lily teasing Severus about some bet, and he'd gotten the impression she had won the right to pick someone for Severus to date. If she was willing to help him, he thought that might be exactly the thing he needed to make his intentions clear.

Once he reached the studio, he searched for Lily, not Severus, and fortunately, he found her still working with Dora. He stuck his head in their practice room and beckoned to her.

"Can we talk for a minute?" he asked.

Lily glanced up, surprised to see Remus standing in the doorway. "Nothing's wrong, is it?" she asked, motioning to Dora to continue as she hurried toward him, visions of injury flashing before her eyes. "Severus...?"

"Severus is fine," he assured her as they stepped into the hall. "I need your help with something, that's all."

Drawing in a relieved breath, Lily swiped her hand across her sweaty brow and nodded. There was a great deal of stress and tension on all of them, and she hoped that Severus and Remus weren't at each other's throats. The thought made her smile slightly; she was pretty certain she knew how Severus felt about the other guy left in the competition, and no doubt that was adding to her friend's already irascible temper. "Of course I'll help, if I can. What do you need? A tranquilizer gun for a certain surly hip-hop dancer?"

Remus chuckled and shook his head. "No, but..." He smiled a little bashfully. "Did you and Severus have some kind of bet going about setting him up on a date?"

"What?" Lily's eyes widened, then she tilted her head to one side. "I know he wouldn't have told you about that, but yes, as a matter of fact, we did. It was on the day of auditions back in Atlanta. I bet him he would make it to Vegas, and he was certain he wouldn't. I won, obviously, but I've not had time to collect my winnings." She looked at Remus closely. "Why does it matter?"

Remus took a deep breath. "Because I want to be the winnings," he said, feeling both terrified and liberated as he spoke the words aloud. "I'm gay, Lily, and I'm in love with Severus, and I need to make a grand gesture to prove myself to him."

Lily's mouth dropped open, and she stared at him as though he'd totally lost his mind. "You're... gay?" she asked, obviously having trouble wrapping her mind around the concept. She glanced over her shoulder at where Dora was still dancing. "But... I thought..." She floundered for a few more moments, then sighed and shook her head, giving Remus a sour look. "You fooled my gaydar, and that's not easy to do!" Her expression became pensive then. "Look, I like you Remus, but... well, you're pretty much so deep in the closet, you can't even see the door, right? Are you sure you want to do that? Severus is my best friend, and I don't want him hurt. Not even by you. Maybe especially not by you!"

"I don't want to hurt him," Remus replied, shoving his hands in his back pockets. "I'm not going to hurt him. I'm coming out of the closet, and I want you to help me do it."

Lily stepped closer to him, green eyes searching his face intently. Then she seemed to make up her mind, and she nodded once. "All right, I'll help," she said, then poked him in the chest with her forefinger. "But if you aren't sincere, Lupin, I'll personally cut off your gonads, you understand me? He's had more pain in his life than anyone deserves, and if you cause me to be party to more, I'll take it personally... and trust me, this red hair isn't just for show, you get me?"

Remus held up both hands in a gesture of surrender. "If I hurt him, you'll get the second punch. The first will belong to him. But I mean it. I'm not going to hurt him. I want to be with him, not for the duration of the show but forever if he'll have me." He cocked his head, regarding her curiously. "Want to know what I've got in mind for the grand gesture?"

Lily chuckled. "I was just about to ask, but the pro forma threats had to be gotten through first. He'd expect it, you know. So go on, spill - and while you're at it, tell me why it has to be a grand gesture anyway. I would be willing to bet from the amount of interest I've sensed in him toward _you_ , a simple offer to go to bed and dance horizontally would have his undivided attention."

"Uh..." Remus rubbed the back of his neck, smiling ruefully. "We've sort of already done that. Twice. So I could offer to go to bed with him, but it wouldn't mean that much. He needs to know I'm coming out of the closet for him, and he needs to know there's no chance of me going back in or trying to hide our relationship." His next words were spoken softly, almost imperceptibly. "He needs to know it's real."

"Well, color me surprised," she replied, raising a brow. "Twice?" Reaching out, she put a hand on Remus' arm, her expression growing serious as she determined he was really sincere. "So, what would you like me to do?"

Resting his hand atop hers, Remus gave her a grateful smile. "Tell him you've found someone, and you want to collect on the bet. I'm going to talk to Kate and our liaison and see if they can help me arrange something, maybe on camera. I'll let you know what I come up with, but I need you to tell him as soon as possible. I don't want to wait until the show." He thought about the defeated look in Severus' eyes, and the memory strengthened his resolve. "I want him to know the truth right away."

"He's going to ask who..." she said slowly, getting into the spirit of the plan. "What do you want me to say? That I'll tell him later?"

"Tell him it's a surprise." Remus paused for a moment, lost in thought. "Tell him you don't want him forming any preconceived opinions before he's seen the mystery man. Whatever it takes - get him where he needs to be."

Lily saluted smartly. "Aye aye, Captain! You name the place and time, and I'll lure our little fly into your web." She laughed softly. "You know, I would have thought it far more likely that I'd be helping Severus lure _you_ into an ambush rather than the other way around. You really are a dark horse, Remus. There's a lot more to you than anyone gives you credit for!"

He grinned bashfully and ducked his head. "Well, maybe. I think, though, I should have done this a long time ago. Severus has given me motivation to take action at last. Anyway, thanks. I appreciate your help."

"Not a problem." She looked back over her shoulder, hearing Dora giving a groan of frustration, then glanced back at Remus. "Er... Dora's not going to take it well, you know. Not saying that should dissuade you, but she's going to be hurt. Would you like me to say something to her? I could say you're interested in someone else."

"Would you?" Remus glanced into the room, more than happy to turn over the task of informing Dora to someone else; it was overwhelming enough being on the verge of coming out of the closet without having to deal with Dora on top of it all. "I've tried not to lead her on, but it seems like she's persisted in crushing on me anyway. I don't want her to be hurt, but she really does need to know there's no hope."

"I'll handle it," Lily said with a nod. "Besides you men are ham-handed about such things. She'll cry on my shoulder, and I'll agree that men are pigs and it'll be all right in a day or two... but you'll owe me chocolate for this!" She squeezed his arm, then turned and walked back toward the practice room. "Let me know as soon as you can about where to bring Severus. I find I'm very anxious to see his reaction to you offering yourself up with a ribbon around your neck!"

"So am I," Remus said, relieved enough to laugh - a genuine, unfettered sound. He would indeed owe Lily, and when this was over, he planned to buy her the biggest and best box of chocolates he could find.


	23. Oh, What a Night

After two days of planning and trying to act as if nothing was different with Severus, Remus was finally ready to make his Grand Gesture. He'd started by talking to their liaison, a helpful woman named Marta. She'd been dubious at first, asking bluntly if he was doing this as a publicity stunt, but eventually, he had convinced her his intentions were sincere.

"I'm going to do this whether the cameras are on us or not," he'd said. "I just wanted to make the offer to let you guys film it in case you thought it would add to the human element of the show. If the network would air it, that is." There was also the fact that if he came out of the closet on the show, televised for the entire nation to see, it would do more than any mere words ever could to convince Severus that he was sincere.

"It could hurt your chances in the voting if we aired it during the performance show," Marta pointed out. "We should probably save it for the results show, if we're going to do it."

"At this point, I don't care, but if and when you use it is up to you. I just want to do this for Severus before the finale."

In the end, Marta had arranged a dinner for two at a LA restaurant that was so popular, there was normally a three week wait for reservations; she pulled some strings, however, and got them a table, and she said the staff would be alerted to what was going on, so they'd get special treatment. There would also be a cameraman there, filming them discreetly.

As far as he knew, that would be the extent of the show's involvement, and he told Lily the time and place of the dinner reservations, promising she could stay and watch the big reveal if she got Severus there on time. He took a long lunch break the day of the big event and went shopping for something suitable to wear.

He arrived early at the restaurant, dressed in pressed khaki pants and a denim blue button-down Oxford shirt with a tie and sports jacket, and he was shown to their table by the maitre'd, who smiled knowingly when he assured Remus everything was ready for the special evening. Remus nodded and murmured his thanks, not paying attention to his surroundings; he was too nervous, and he fiddled restlessly with his silverware and water goblet, hoping Lily persuaded Severus to go along.

Severus Snape was most definitely not going anywhere. Or that's what he told himself as he faced down a Lily who looked ready to strangle him.

"I don't feel like going out tonight," he said hollowly, crossing his arms over his chest as he stared at Lily across the width of his room. He didn't feel like doing anything except being alone, so that he didn't have to pretend excitement about the upcoming finale for any ridiculous camera. After what had happened with Remus, he was having trouble finding the interest or energy to do anything except go through the minimally expected motions.

Lily was alarmed by the flat deadness in Severus' eyes; she hadn't seen that expression in many years, and it tore at her heart to see it back. But Remus was about to make everything better, if only the stubborn idiot would just give in and show up. She had expected some resistance, of course, but not this level of complete apathy.

"But Severus, I won the bet fair and square, and this is what I choose for the pay-off. Come on, you'll enjoy it, I promise! It's just a date, and he's a really nice guy."

"I'm not interested in a nice guy..." _or at least not one that isn't Remus_. Severus shrugged. "You can be angry with me if you wish, but there's no point in me going because I don't feel like making polite chit-chat with a stranger."

Lily was on the verge of stomping her foot in frustration. "It's just one lousy dinner, Severus! What's wrong with you? These last few days, it's like you've given up on everything!"

Severus shrugged again. He knew Lily was worried about him, but he wasn't about to reveal Remus' secret by admitting what had happened between them, not even to Lily. She'd just have to think he was a total jerk and be angry with him for it. She'd get over it, eventually... or not. At the moment, even that possibility wasn't enough to make Severus go out on a date with a stranger, bet or no. 

"If you'll go now, I'm going to go to bed."

"Bed? At this hour?" Lily rolled her eyes and shook her head. "I don't know what your problem is, but if you're putting on some kind of act just to get out of this bet, that's pretty low." She knew that wasn't the case, of course, but the sudden flash in Severus' eyes told her this might be the line to take with him.

"I'm not putting on an act," he replied, brow lowering into a scowl. "Why are you so insistent about this? Surely it could wait until the competition is over?" _Or better yet, never._

"But he's here, in L.A., not in Atlanta, and with the show and everything, this is the only chance you'll have to meet him!" Lily threw up her hands, but she hadn't given up, not yet. She just wanted Severus to think she had. "Fine, have it your way. I'll just have to find someone else, and you'll have to worry if you let the right one get away." 

"Yes, I'm very worried," Severus said sarcastically. "Now, if you're finished...."

"I'm done," Lily said, then turned and walked to the door. She opened it, then turned back to face Severus, playing her ace in the hole. She hated to do it, and it would come with a price, but it was literally her last resort. "You know, James said you'd chicken out. He said you know no one would want you anyway, so you'd be afraid of rejection and wouldn't even try. I told him he was wrong, of course... but you know James. I even bet him you'd go through with it because you're an honorable man and very confident of your attractiveness. He wouldn't believe me, though."

Severus blanched at that, then his skin flushed as fury overtook his shock. How dare Potter say such a thing! It was a lucky thing for him he was out of the competition, because Severus was sorely tempted to track him down and break both his legs. 

"Oh he did, did he? Who does that stupid little prick think he is?" Severus was furious, and he stomped over to Lily. "You tell Potter that he doesn't know me at all, and he had better thank God he never will. Fine, I'll go on the stupid date, because I'll be damned if I'm going to have that arrogant son of a bitch telling people I'm a coward!"

The anger was better than the apathy, or at least that's what Lily told herself. She just hoped the fact Remus was the person waiting for Severus would keep her best friend from hunting down James and ripping off his arms or something. 

"All right, that's the spirit!" Lily smiled, then grabbed Severus by the arm before he could change his mind. "Come on, we'll take a taxi to the restaurant, and I'll introduce you. You might be doing this because you're mad at James, but I promise you won't regret it, Severus. I have a good feeling about this guy... I think he's worth your time, no matter how you're getting together."

Severus looked down at himself, wondering where Lily was about to take him, but then he shrugged, deciding it didn't matter; whomever it was could take him as is, since Severus didn't care what some random guy thought about him, no matter how glowingly Lily described him. He'd showered after practice and changed into black trousers and a simple black shirt in anticipation of going down to the canteen to retrieve dinner, so he considered himself presentable enough.

"Don't get your hopes up, Evans," Severus said sourly, pulling his door shut behind him as Lily tugged him toward the stairs. "One dinner, and I won't even stay for dessert if I don't want to."

"I'll just be happy if you make it through appetizers!" Lily laughed, giddily relieved that Severus was going to go through with it. It was so darned romantic, and she hoped Severus would appreciate what Remus was doing for him. She didn't slow down, worried that if they lost momentum, Severus might decide to change his mind. "Look, a cab! Must be our lucky night!" Or at least Severus' lucky night, because Lily had called the cab thirty minutes ago, and the waiting fees were going to be enormous.

They were silent during the ride, Severus lost in his thoughts and Lily afraid to say too much lest she give away the secret. Fortunately, it didn't take long, and Lily paid the driver quickly before pulling Severus forward again.

Severus finally paid enough attention to his surroundings to note the discreet sign which bore the restaurant's name by the door, done in a low-key, understated way as though the place had no need to blare its identity to all and sundry. It was a name he recognized, and he lifted a brow in disbelief at Lily. "How in the hell... don't tell me he's a waiter here or something."

"No, you idiot, this is where you're having dinner," Lily grinned, pleased at Severus' reaction. "I told you he was worth it."

Oddly enough, Severus felt disturbed by the elegance of the place, despite telling himself he wasn't going to care if they were eating at the local Pizza Shack. He was from a poor family and far more familiar with seedy bars than fine eateries. But he couldn't let his pensiveness show, and he straightened his spine and entered the place with the air of someone who felt entitled to such surroundings.

"Let's get this over with," he murmured to Lily.

"Relax, it'll be fine," she said sympathetically, then smiled at the tuxedoed maitre'd who stepped forward to greet them. "We're here to meet the gentleman who is waiting for his date."

"Of course, right this way," the maitre'd replied politely, and they followed him down the stairs into the posh, sunken dining area. The place fairly reeked of money and good taste, and Severus couldn't figure out why anyone who could afford this would be interested in dating a hip-hop dancer from the wrong side of the tracks. Unless they were slumming, but somehow he trusted that Lily wouldn't set him up with someone that vile. They reached the table, but all Severus could see of the man seated there was light hair and the slope of shoulders in a sports coat. Lily stepped forward, and he wondered why she was grinning like a manic idiot, until she spoke.

"Ah, finally, here we are," she said, with an edge of unmistakable amusement in her voice. "Severus, may I introduce you to Remus Lupin, your date for this evening? Remus, this is my best friend, Severus Snape. I'm sure you two will find a lot to talk about."

"I certainly hope so," Remus said softly as he pushed back his chair and rose to his feet. He looked at Severus, hopeful but a little nervous as well; after everything that had happened, he wouldn't really blame Severus for turning around and storming back out. He moved to the other chair at the table and pulled it out. "Will you join me?"

Severus stared at Remus in disbelief; of all the people he'd thought Lily might set him up with, he'd never in a million years dreamed he would find Remus there, and he wondered if he were conjuring up a vision through his own wishful thinking. He blinked, and it was still Remus standing there, making Severus' heart ache. This couldn't possibly be what it seemed, and he looked between Remus and Lily, wondering if it were some awful mistake. Lily didn't know Remus was gay, but perhaps she thought giving Severus an evening with the man he so obviously craved would be some kind of consolation for it never being any more than that. At least he hoped that was what it was, because the alternative was so cruel as to make the beatings he'd suffered at his father's hand seem like love taps in comparison.

He took a step back, wanting to run, but his pride held him in place. Tipping his chin up, he looked at the two of them. "Obviously there is some mistake here. Lily, I'm sure you meant to set me up with someone who shares my preferences, and Remus doesn't. I don't know what pretenses you used to get him here, but while I appreciate the effort, really, it's not fair. Sorry for the waste of your time, Remus. Lily means well, but this obviously isn't what I thought it was."

"Lily didn't arrange this, Severus," Remus said, meeting and holding Severus' gaze. Everything hinged on Severus understanding what was really going on, and he could only hope Severus believed him. " _I_ did. I overheard the two of you talking about the bet, and I asked her to use that as an excuse to get you here." He smiled hesitantly. "I wanted our first date to be special."

Severus Snape was not a stupid man, but the situation made no sense, or if it did, he wasn't able to wrap his mind around it. It _sounded_ like Remus was making a public admission to being gay, but he knew that was impossible, so there had to be another alternative. Remus wouldn't risk his family for Severus; he'd made that perfectly clear. 

"If you'd wanted to have dinner, Lupin, we could have met in the canteen," he replied quietly. "I'm not certain what is going on here, but I don't think standing here discussing it in public is quite the thing, do you?"

"Severus, shut up and stop thinking. Listen to Remus, would you?" Lily smacked Severus' arm and rolled her eyes. "I've never seen you so dense!"

Severus straightened, frowning down at her. "I have listened to him, believe me. Very carefully, and he's made his... preferences quite clear. All of them."

"I think the situation calls for drastic measures. Otherwise, this champagne is going to go to waste!" A new voice entered the conversation, and Remus glanced up to see Kate approaching with a tray carrying a bottle of champagne and two glasses, a cameraman trailing in her wake.

"I think you're right," Remus said, his smile widening.

He knew just what to do to convince Severus that his preferences had undergone a drastic change, and he didn't hesitate to close the distance between them and capture Severus' face between his hands. "I choose you," he said - and then he pulled Severus into a searing kiss, unleashing the emotion he'd been holding in check at last. 

Severus was no closer to understanding what was going on, especially not when their show's hostess suddenly appeared with one of the omnipresent cameramen, but the feeling of Remus' hands on his skin distracted him. There was a look in Remus' eyes, one that hit Severus like a punch in the gut, and then Remus was kissing him as though he were starving and Severus was a banquet to be devoured.

Things suddenly clicked into place. Remus was outing himself, and he was doing it in a public way that Severus couldn't claim was accidental. He seemed to be making an obvious declaration of intent, and Severus' relief was so palpable that he felt his knees go weak. He didn't know why, or how, but Remus had changed his mind, and if there was one thing Severus knew, it was that he wasn't about to try to talk Remus out of it.

Parting his lips, Severus deepened the kiss as he wrapped his arms around Remus tightly, as though he were afraid Remus might suddenly pull back and announce it was all a joke. But that didn't happen, and he heard Lily giggle and a sound that he distantly recognized was applause. Not that it mattered; all that was important was here in his arms.

When the need to breathe made him lift his head, he stared down at Remus somberly. "I take it this means that you're going to tell your father he can ram his homophobia up his ass... so to speak."

Remus laughed softly and wound his arms around Severus' waist, holding him close. "Something like that. I agreed to let the show air footage of our date if they wanted to, so I doubt I'll actually have to tell him anything. Assuming the shock doesn't kill him, I'm pretty sure the next thing I hear will be that I'm disowned, but that's okay." He smiled up at Severus, his gaze warm and open. "I'll start my own family somewhere else."

Severus didn't want to say it, but he couldn't stop the words. "Are you certain?" he asked huskily, wanting to make certain Remus knew what he was doing. "Am I worth giving up your whole family, your town? That's putting a lot of faith in me, you know... Are you certain you'd be making a good bargain?"

"Yes," Remus said firmly, giving Severus a tight squeeze, and he heard a chorus of "aww"s from Kate and Lily. "I've done a lot of thinking and soul-searching, and I decided I can't live like that anymore. I'm missing out on too much and hiding too much of myself, and I'm tired of it. I want to be free, and I want to be with you. Even if we don't work out in the long run, I won't have any regrets. The only thing I would regret is walking away from you and never seeing you again."

One black brow arched, and Severus smiled wickedly. "That was just caught on film, you realize, so I have evidence. No regrets, all of you heard it. A lesser man than I might take that as a free license to be as selfish and demanding as possible, just to test your resolve. Fortunately, I am a paragon of generosity and patience, and I won't take advantage of your trusting nature." He looked back over his shoulder at Lily, happiness written in the way his eyes glittered. "Under the circumstances, I'll even forgive you for getting me into this whole situation, Evans. Which is lucky for you, since I'm beginning to think I've been played like a violin."

Lily laughed, then came up to hug both of them. "Behave, Snape, or I'll start thinking that you're so besotted you're getting soft. Ah, yes, glare, that's better. I was starting to worry you were really a doppleganger."

Remus laughed, a real laugh this time with no hesitancy; now that he'd made his decision and Severus seemed convinced his intentions were sincere, he felt overwhelming relief, a lightness of being he'd never known before. He knew it wasn't going to be easy to deal with the fallout, but he meant it when he said he would have no regrets. He wanted to be free to live his life on his own terms, and now he could do just that. With any luck, Severus would be right there with him, every step of the way.

"That's the whole point of having the cameraman here," he said, his pale eyes alight with happiness. "I wanted you to know for certain that I meant what I said and couldn't take it back even if I wanted to, because it'd been documented on film. I wanted to make a grand gesture to prove myself to you. Hopefully you won't hold the trickery against me," he added, giving Severus an innocent smile.

Meanwhile, Kate had poured the champagne and offered a glass to each of them, beaming. "We've never had a romance bloom on the show before! Thank you for sharing it with us. I hope the two of you are very happy together."

Severus accepted the glass of champagne. "Thank you. I think we will be happy together. Or at least we will be once he makes it up to me for his trickery. I think that might take a long time, though... years, even." He touched his glass to Remus'. "If you can put up with my snark, that is. Hopefully the sex will be good enough to allow you to overlook my less fine moments."

Smiling, Remus touched his glass to Severus' in return. "Luckily for you, I'm an easy-going man," he said with his usual amiable calm. "I also happen to think snarky is sexy."

"And on that note, I think we'll leave the lovebirds alone to enjoy their evening," Kate said, grinning. "I'll save all my burning questions for later, shall I?"

Remus nodded, grateful for her tact and understanding. "We'll definitely talk later," he promised. "Or I will, at least. Severus can decide whether he wants to or not."

"Perhaps after the finals... until then, I plan to keep you to myself." Severus smirked, leaning close so that only Remus could hear his words. "Of course, neither of us might end up able to dance. If I have my way, you might not even be able to walk."

A heated blush rose in Remus' cheeks at that, and he chuckled breathlessly. "I hope it's mutual," he replied, his voice soft and husky. "I have a lot to learn, but I'm eager to get started."

Lily and the others had withdrawn, and Severus looked around at the discreet staff and patrons who had returned their attention to their own meals. "Well, I suppose we should sit down and order, before the other patrons start thinking we're the entertainment for the evening." Severus' lips quirked with amusement, and he moved to the seat Remus had held out for him, settling in and placing his champagne glass beside his plate. "I'm flattered at the effort you went to for this, you know. No one has ever romanced me before."

Remus took his seat across from Severus, smiling widely; it was a relief to know his gesture hadn't fallen flat, and now that it seemed Severus believed him, Remus could relax and enjoy the evening with a light heart.

"Then you're overdue," he replied, his eyes sparkling as he gazed across the table at Severus. "I thought... Well, after all the problems and misunderstandings we've had, I thought you deserved something like this. I wanted you to know I really am willing to make a big change. I'm out of the closet, and there's no going back in now."

The way Remus seemed so lighthearted and happy about his surprising and difficult decision was more reassuring than even knowing it had been caught on film. Yet Severus sobered a bit, reaching out to touch Remus' hand across the table. "Despite my flippant comment, I will try to never give you cause to regret it. But..." his voice dropped very low. "I've told you a bit about my family. I've endeavored to put it all behind me, to not give in to the cycle of violence. I can't foretell the future, though, and I can feel it, sometimes, the anger. Not just normal anger, either. You have to know that I carry my own set of baggage with me, and I hope it isn't too much for you to bear."

Remus turned his hand over beneath Severus' and squeezed gently. "I know you have baggage," he said. "It's kind of hard to miss," he added in a lighter voice. "But if I wasn't willing to deal with your anger issues and tendency to shut down, I wouldn't be here tonight. I think you're worth the risk, and..." He hesitated, debating whether to admit what he was thinking, but then again, it seemed like a night for taking chances. "I love you, Severus, but I won't be your whipping boy. I think you know that, after the conflicts we've had the last few weeks, and I don't think you'll push me too hard. I also trust that you won't hurt me the way your father hurt you. I think you're better than that."

If Severus hadn't already been in love with Remus, those words would have done it; as it was, he knew he was falling harder by the minute. He tightened his hand on Remus'. Remus loved him; it wasn't as though Severus hadn't suspected, given the lengths Remus had gone to for him, and knowing that Remus wasn't going to risk everything in his life for a purely physical relationship. No, Remus had made it obvious he was choosing Severus above the feelings of his parents and his own safe little place in the world, but hearing the words for the first time, words that no one had ever spoken to him before, was the greatest gift of all.

Yet Severus wasn't as comfortable vocalizing his own feelings. After years of repressing everything but anger, tender words that made him vulnerable didn't come easily. He drew in a deep breath, steeling himself to say what he'd never said, and had thought he would never say. 

Only he couldn't - not here, not now. So he settled for what he could say. "Thank you for your faith in me," he murmured huskily, a flush rising to his cheeks, but he scowled a bit at not being able to overcome his own reticence. "Your... feelings are returned. I want this to work between us." Suddenly his eyes glittered with evil amusement. "If for no other reason than I'm not about to have James Potter calling me a failure for the rest of my life."

Remus grinned and shook his head, neither surprised nor disappointed that Severus couldn't speak freely about how he felt; what he could say was enough to let Remus know he hadn't misplaced his faith and trust. "Strong motivation indeed," he said. "I hope you're absolutely sure you want to be stuck with me for the rest of your life, because I wouldn't mind thwarting James either." His expression softened and turned fond as he gazed at Severus. "I want this to work too," he said softly. "I'll do what I can to make sure it does. You're my family now."

"At least I won't force you into a closet or to pretend to be something you aren't," Severus replied tartly. He might not be the easiest person to deal with in the world, but unlike Remus' parents, he only wanted Remus to be happy, no matter how he found that happiness. That it was with him, of course, was just icing on the cake, and he had a bit of unholy glee in the anticipation of facing Remus' father and telling him exactly where he could get off. 

Their waiter stepped forward, holding out menus to them with a polite smile. "Excuse me, but would you care to examine these while you talk? And can I bring you something more to drink?"

Remus accepted the menu and glanced questioningly at Severus. "Would you like some wine? Or something else?" He smiled bashfully. "I don't have much experience ordering stuff like this. My town's version of fine dining is the Golden Corral."

"Sounds about like my town, as well," Severus replied, inclining his head at Remus as he enjoyed the sight of Remus' smile. Remus seemed happier tonight than Severus had ever seen him, even after surviving the elimination to make it into the finals, and he felt his own spirits soaring to unaccustomed heights as well. "Of course in the South, if it's not battered and deep fried, it's considered 'foofy'. No wine for me, but I would like some iced tea. I'm also leaning toward a huge rare steak and a loaded baked potato, if it's on the menu. Not exactly recommended fare for a dancer, but tonight is special. Very special indeed."

"That sounds good to me too," Remus said, handing his menu back to the waiter, who nodded, collected Severus' menu, and moved away from their table. "Battered and deep fried is popular in my neck of the woods, too," he added, turning his attention back to Severus. "I'd kill for country fried steak and white gravy, but I doubt _that's_ on the menu at a place like this." He leaned his chin in his hand, just looking at Severus for a moment, feeling as if he was seeing Severus with new eyes now that he'd admitted the truth to himself - and everyone else - and didn't have to hide how he felt. "Can I ask you something I've been wanting to know since the competition began?"

"You can ask..." Severus said, sitting back in his seat and giving Remus a haughty look, although the way his lips twitched betrayed his amusement. "Perhaps I'll even answer, if the mood strikes. What is it?"

Remus chuckled warmly. "Well... it's obvious you're passionate about dancing, and I get the feeling it's something you _have_ to do, but you haven't mentioned wanting a career in dance. Why not?"

Of all the things Remus might have asked, Severus certainly hadn't expected that. Still, it was something he'd not shared with anyone, not even Lily, and he bit his lip for a moment, debating a polite evasion. But Remus had risked everything for him, and it wouldn't be fair to give any less in return.

Drawing in a deep breath, Severus lowered his voice so that only Remus could possibly hear. "Dancing is something I do to help me deal with the things that stress me, but until this competition, it had never occurred to me that it was something anyone would really pay me to do. Even now, I'm not certain I want to do it professionally for any length of time. Not because I don't feel it's a worthwhile career, but because I have something to prove."

The waiter discreetly delivered their tea and withdrew, and Severus picked his up, taking a grateful sip of the cold beverage, before lowering it and staring at the condensation forming on the outside of the glass. "I told you what kind of family I come from; my father was a steel worker, and he got laid off when the mills were closed when I was in middle school. He wasn't a pleasant man before then, and after... well, it's not important, really. I never found out why things turned out as they did, but he didn't have to have the life he ended up with. I found a box of old papers in our attic when I was fifteen, and it turns out he could have gone to college, but he never went. I don't know if it was money, or if he let his parents talk him out of it; they were the kind to believe an education was 'putting on airs'. Perhaps he was just afraid of failing, although the reason doesn't really matter. I believe he took his self-loathing and bitterness out on me, especially since I was a good student in school."

He shrugged. "Maybe I'm trying to prove I'm better than he is... actually, there's no maybe about it. I'm doing everything I can to prove I'm better than he is, and that means I'm not stopping at just getting a college degree. I'm going to get a doctorate. It's not all just proving a point, though. I genuinely enjoy science, because it isn't subject to emotion or dependent upon the whims of fate. Hard work, logic, application of knowledge... it's a form of control. Not of anyone else, but of myself."

Remus listened quietly, his expression somber, and when Severus had finished speaking, he nodded. "That makes sense. I can certainly understand why you'd want control over some aspect of your life." He tilted his head, smiling. "But I hope you'll dance with me when you come home from the lab. I think we work well together, and I don't want to give that up when the competition is over."

Remus' quiet understanding was a relief, and Severus let out his tension on a long sigh, glad that Remus wasn't going to tell him he had nothing to prove, or that it was crazy for turning proving himself to his father into a life-long pursuit, especially after he'd lectured Remus for making entirely too much of his own family's opinion. Now that the personal revelation was over, he found he felt a bit better, as though sharing his secret with Remus had somehow loosened a little of the knot of bitterness he'd carried around for years.

"I'll dance with you whenever and however you'd like - vertically or horizontally." Severus' eyes gleamed with heat, as he let himself imagine what he hoped would follow later in the evening.

"Good. I'd like that." Remus returned the heated look, breaking away only when the waiter arrived with their meal. He paused until the waiter moved away again, and he picked up his fork, deciding to admit what Severus probably already knew. "Although you'll have to teach me the horizontal tango," he said with a wry smile. "Other than what we've done, I don't have any experience with men, only women. I'm sure the basics are the same, but as far as actual sex... well..." He shrugged and spread his hands. "I'll need a little help with the choreography."

It hadn't escaped Severus' notice that Remus, while enthusiastic, had seemed a little uncertain, but rather than putting him off, the confirmation just increased his desire. Remus was giving him not only the gift of his love, but of his trust in this as well, and it was not only emotionally satisfying, but a big boost to his ego as well. He smiled wickedly. "I'm more than willing to help you learn the steps, although you'll have to tell me if you prefer to lead or follow. As for me, I'm flexible... in more ways than one."

"Well..." Remus grinned, looking like a bashful little boy for a moment. "I think I'm more of a leader," he said. "I know you probably don't see me that way, given how I've behaved about my family, but there's something in me, and until now, dancing is the only thing that's allowed me to let it out. Until now - until you." A heated gleam appeared in his eyes, and his voice grew husky. "When I think about you, I think about pinning you down and making you mine. I think about making you scream. There's nothing I want more than to make you lose control because I can. Because you trust me enough to let me."

Severus felt his heart start to pound, as blood rushed into a certain, aching part of his anatomy. The vision Remus' words conjured up in his mind was as erotic as anything he could ever have imagined, and he swallowed hard, forgetting the exquisite meal in front of him. "I'd like that... more than you know. I have a thing about control, as you've realized, but the thought of being able to give up control because I wish to do it, to someone I know won't abuse my trust, is... wildly arousing. I want what you are offering... I want it more than I've ever wanted anything in my life."

"So do I," Remus replied, reaching across the table to touch Severus' hand. "I don't want to take anything from you, Severus. You've had enough of that. All I want is to make you happy, in and out of bed." He curled his fingers around Severus' hand and squeezed it. "It's time you had someone to give, rather than take."

"It's not the same, if I desire to give it, and I do." There was no hesitancy in Severus' voice or in his steady, heated gaze, and he squeezed Remus' hand in return. "I don't think either of us have anything to worry about as far as the other's desire to please." He smiled with sultry playfulness. "I'm quite demanding, you know, so I'll make you work for it. So you'd better eat that steak; you're going to need the protein."

The playfulness made Remus smile, delighted that Severus was showing this new facet to him, and he looked forward to seeing more of Severus' lighter side - and his sensual side. "That goes for you, too," he said, tugged his hand free so he could dig in to his food. Happiness gave him a prodigious appetite, it seemed. "I've had a lot bottled up for a long time, and I plan to unleash it with you."

Severus smiled, his gaze a challenge. "We'll see who lasts the longest," he drawled, then applied himself to his meal as well. The food was delicious, and knowing Remus was going to be his dessert only added to the spice.


	24. Dancing in the Sheets

They discussed lighter topics for the rest of the meal, but it didn't lessen the heat rising between them. Severus felt the sparks flying every time their eyes met, so that by the time they'd finished he was practically vibrating with barely suppressed need. "Shall we get dessert to go?" he asked, running a finger over his lower lip provocatively. "Chocolate truffles can be eaten in far more interesting ways than off a plate."

"I think that's a great idea," Remus said, watching the motion of Severus' finger avidly. "Chocolate covered Severus sounds like the best dessert I've ever had." He signaled to the waiter and placed an order for dessert to go, waiting impatiently until the waiter returned with the take-out box in hand.

"The bill has been taken care of," the waiter said, handing over the box, and Remus smiled gratefully.

"Thanks. This has been a great night," he said as he pushed back his chair, and he held out his free hand to Severus. "Let's go. Your room or mine?"

"Mine," Severus replied promptly, lacing his fingers with Remus' and heading for the door. There were several murmured words of congratulations from some of the diners, which pleased him; hopefully positive reinforcement from people who were obviously more educated and worldly than those who lived in Remus' home town would help Remus see that there really was a wider, more accepting world where they could make their own place.

When they reached the curb, there was a limousine waiting, courtesy of the show, and Severus chuckled as the driver ushered the two of them inside. "They don't do things by halves, do they?" he asked, settling back against the rich leather seat and pulling Remus firmly against his side, draping one arm over Remus' shoulders. He leaned closer. "I've never made out in the back seat of a car, much less a limo... care to help me find out what it's like?"

"I have once, on the night of my senior prom, but I didn't enjoy it half as much as I'll enjoy this," Remus said as he wrapped his arms around Severus.

Without hesitation, he drew Severus into a kiss, coaxing Severus' lips apart so he could taste and explore to his heart's content. It was amazing, he thought with the small portion of his brain that wasn't fixated on Severus and sex, how liberating it was not to worry about what anyone thought anymore. Now that he'd made his decision and done something so irrevocable that he couldn't go back into hiding even if he wanted to, he felt so _free_. There was nothing holding him back from showing how he felt, from doing what he pleased - from being fully himself for the first time in a long time.

Moaning happily, he pressed against Severus and combed his fingers through Severus' hair as he deepened the kiss, feeling as if he couldn't possibly get enough of Severus; he wanted to drown in Severus, to devour him, to crawl inside his skin and never come out, and for once, he wasn't afraid to show it.

Determined to make sure that Remus enjoyed it so much he would forget his own name, Severus flowed into the embrace, wrapping his arms around Remus and kissing him back hungrily. There was a new dimension to Remus' passion, as though a dam had burst and Remus was letting everything flow between them with no reservations. It fed the fire of Severus' own need, and he moaned against Remus' mouth as his hands wandered over Remus' back, silently cursing the layers of clothes that kept Remus' skin from his touch.

The ride wasn't terribly long, and Severus was vaguely aware of the limo sliding to a halt, and the driver opening the door beside him. Severus pulled back, breathing heavily, and met the amused and understanding eyes of their driver. 

"We've arrived, gentlemen... although I could continue around the block a few times if you'd like."

"I don't think that will be necessary," Severus replied, giving Remus a squeeze before disentangling himself and sliding from the limo. He reached out a hand to help Remus from the limo. "I think privacy - complete privacy - is in order."

Clasping Severus' hand, Remus slid out of the limo and held fast even after he was on his feet. "Definitely," he said, giving Severus a predatory smile. "Forget the show. Forget the rest of the world. Tonight, it's just you and me."

The curve of Remus' mouth held Severus' attention, and he was in complete agreement about forgetting the world. He promptly forgot the limo driver, in fact, as he pulled Remus toward the dormitory. Fortunately, they didn't encounter anyone on their way, and soon Severus was unlocking the door of his room and practically pushing Remus inside, before turning and locking the door behind them with a decisive click.

"Alone at last," he purred, stepping closer to Remus, almost but not quite touching him. "If you want to stop, say so now. It's not too late yet, but this is your last chance to change your mind." He didn't think that Remus would, but he wanted to hear again that Remus truly did want him.

A wicked gleam appeared in Remus' eyes, and he flashed another feral grin. "Shut up and get naked, Snape. I'm not going to change my mind," he growled, reaching out to slip his hands beneath Severus' long-sleeved pullover and caress the warm, bare skin he found beneath.

The command in Remus' tone was a surprise, but Severus found it arousing, and he wanted to respond to it. He arched against the caress of Remus' hands, humming with pleasure. "Good," he replied, then grasped the bottom of the shirt and stripped it over his head. He wasn't hesitant about baring his body; years of dancing had left him lean and toned, and he'd seen enough admiring glances cast his way to know that even a big nose and cranky disposition didn't put off everyone. Eyes glittering, he moved his hands to the fly of his trousers, unfastening the button and sliding down the zipper before pausing with a wicked smile. "Do you like what you see?"

Remus watched Severus' display avidly and licked his lips, the heat rising in his eyes making it clear he was enjoying the view. "Yeah, I do," he said huskily. "I like it a lot." Reaching out, he trailed his fingertips lightly down Severus' stomach, enjoying the feel of firm muscles and warm skin, happier than he could express that he had the privilege of touching. "I want to see more."

The appreciation in Remus' eyes made Severus want to preen, and he smiled smugly as he began a slow strip-tease, stepping out of his shoes before beginning to circle his hips as he eased this trousers down. He let them drop to his feet in a puddle, then stepped out of them and slid his thumbs into the waistband of his black boxers. "Seen enough yet?"

"No." Remus moved closer, letting his gaze roam up and down the length of Severus' body. Severus' tall, lean form was exactly the type that appealed to him, and just the sight of Severus almost completely bare to his sight was enough to make his breath catch. "I want to see _everything_." He glanced up and met Severus' gaze, amusement flashing in his eyes. "I've never seen you completely naked. I'm overdue."

"Think you can handle it?" Severus asked haughtily, a challenging light in his dark eyes, although his face was flushed with desire and his breathing was becoming erratic. There was something positively naughty about stripping while Remus kept his clothes on, and while he wanted to look at and touch Remus as well, he knew his turn would come. This was Remus' real first time, after all, and Severus was enjoying giving him what he asked for.

Slowly, so very slowly, Severus began to pull down the boxers, his eyes fixed on Remus' face. He wanted to see Remus' every reaction, to savor the fact that Remus wanted him, had stayed in the closet until he'd met Severus and wanted more. Severus wanted it, too, and he finally let the boxers join his trousers, standing proudly bare to Remus' sight. "I'm bare, as you ordered... now what are you going to do with me?"

For a moment, Remus did nothing but look, drinking in the sight of Severus' long, lean body; it was amazing, scarcely believable that he could do this, that he could look and touch, that he didn't have to hide his desire for this man. The love of his life. He was free to indulge his true desires at last, and there was a part of him that still felt as if he were doing something wrong. But that part was easily silenced; he had nothing to hide anymore, and he reached for Severus without hesitation, winding his arms around Severus' waist and pressing close.

"I'm going to enjoy you," he said, sliding his hands up and down the length of Severus' back and letting them come to rest on his bare backside. "You're gorgeous, Severus. Every inch of you. I want to memorize you from head to toe."

"You may have anything you want." Severus' voice was husky, arousal tightening his body as Remus' warm hands wandered over his bare skin. He pressed back against them, then pushed forward, leaving Remus in no doubt of the depth of his desire. "Touch me, Remus..."

Remus was all too happy to oblige, and he began stroking and caressing every inch of Severus that he could reach, and he pressed closer, trailing kisses along Severus' neck and shoulder, darting his tongue out to take little tastes of Severus' skin. Never had he enjoyed touching a lover so much; never had he wanted to lose himself in someone else's embrace like this. He hummed with pleasure as he explored at a leisurely pace, familiarizing himself with every plane and angle of Severus' body.

"Gorgeous..." he murmured against Severus' skin, wanting the words to soak in. "So hot..."

Remus' words, breath warm and moist against his skin, made Severus shiver in delight. He let his head fall back to give Remus better access, feeling like some pagan god as Remus explored his body worshipfully. He felt almost unbearably sensitive, every caress of Remus' fingers igniting trails of fire in their wake. He wanted more - he wanted _now_ \- but he didn't want it to be over, either, and so he held himself still under the sensual assault, gasping and moaning as his skin became flushed and damp.

"Tease," he accused softly, but there was no heat in the word. "You're going to drive me mad."

"Good," Remus replied just as softly, smiling with warm affection up at Severus. "I want you out of your mind with pleasure."

He slid one hand along Severus' side and up his torso to tease and tug one hardened nipple playfully, and he trailed kisses down to tease and torment its twin with his teeth and tongue, experimenting to find out what Severus liked.

A strangled groan escaped Severus' lips, and his hands flew up to grasp Remus' head, holding him in place as Remus continued to torment him. His knees trembled as he felt dangerously close to being overwhelmed by sensation. "Can we continue horizontally?" he asked, staring down at Remus with eyes wide with need. "I don't think I'm going to be able to stand if you keep this up."

"Yes, please." Remus lifted his head and wound his arms around Severus again before herding him toward the bed. He paused once they reached the bed, his smile turning shy. "Should I undress now too?"

Severus lifted a hand, cupping Remus' cheek and stroking it gently. "I'd like that, very much. I want to see you, but we go at your pace. I want this to be perfect for you, for you to indulge your every desire and fantasy. You're giving me a great gift, and I want to give as much back to you."

Remus leaned into Severus' hand, his heart swelling almost to bursting at Severus' words. Beneath all the snark and prickle was a softer side, and Remus felt privileged to be one of the few people who saw it.

"You're giving me a gift too," he said, craning up to brush a kiss to Severus' lips. "Giving me your sensitive side. I never guessed you were hiding such gentleness under all that snark."

His smile lost its shyness and turned heated as he loosened his tie and whipped it off, and then he began to unbutton his shirt, going slowly and giving Severus a little show in return.

Severus returned the light kiss. "Well, this is your first time, so it should be special," he drawled, then gave Remus a mock-scowl. "Don't get too used to it. I'll come to my senses soon, and you'll have plenty of snark to deal with." 

As Remus began to strip, Severus sank down on the edge of the bed, so that he could concentrate on looking rather than on keeping his balance. Remus was still in reach, and Severus lifted a hand to trail a finger down Remus' chest in the wake of the parting fabric. "Gorgeous," he said, returning the compliment Remus had given him with utter sincerity. "And definitely sexy."

Remus flushed, but with pleasure, not embarrassment, at the compliment, and he began to play, holding the lapels of his shirt together and giving Severus quick flashes of his bare chest, then turning his back to Severus and letting his shirt slide down his arms slowly, giving Severus a flirtatious look over his shoulder as the shirt fell to the floor.

The playfulness and confidence Remus was showing was both arousing and delightful. Severus had a thing for well developed muscles, and he reached out to trace the firm contours of Remus' back, before placing a playful swat on his pert ass. "Tease," he repeated. "If you keep on doing this to me, I'm going to spontaneously combust, and the fun will be over before it starts!"

Laughing, Remus turned to face Severus again and toed off his shoes. "Okay, we'll speed things along," he said, moving to stand between Severus' knees, and he gestured to his pants. "Go ahead - you get to take these off at whatever pace you like."

Severus needed no second invitation, and he gave Remus a heated glance from beneath his lashes before licking his lips and moving his fingers to Remus' waist. "I feel as though I'm unwrapping the world's best gift," he said, then unfastened the button at the top. He ran his hand up the fly playfully, then grasped the tab of the zipper and began to tug it down. Leaning forward, he following the trail of exposed skin with his tongue, then continuing over the white fabric of Remus' boxers.

Remus shivered, partly in response to the feel of Severus' tongue and partly in anticipation of what all this was leading to. He lifted one hand and combed his fingers gently through Severus' hair, enjoying being "unwrapped". He didn't feel awkward or shy about baring his body to Severus. After all, Severus had seen most of him already, just not all at once, and he felt comfortable with Severus, knowing Severus found him desirable.

When the zipper was completely down, Severus pulled back slightly, then grasped the waistband of Remus' trousers and tugged them down. He was eager for more, his patience with the erotic foreplay quickly being overcome by pure, aching need. "White for my virgin-in-a-sense lover?" Severus asked with amusement, then cupped his hand firmly over the bulk of Remus' arousal. "Perhaps black silk next time... or crimson. Or nothing at all." He squeezed gently. "Are you burning yet, Remus? Do you feel ready to explode?"

Remus sucked in a hissing breath as Severus cupped and squeezed him, his skin growing flushed and hot as his arousal flared higher, and he tightened his fingers in Severus' hair. "Yes," he murmured huskily. "I'm burning for you. Only you." He stepped out of his pants and kicked them aside and stripped off his socks as well. "Red or black silk or nothing - whatever you want."

Remus' words made Severus chuckle, a low, wicked sound that managed to convey both amusement and hunger. The fact that Remus wanted him, wanted his first experience with a man to be with him, gave him a possessive thrill. "You're mine, all mine," Severus said, before stripping Remus' boxers away, baring Remus to his molten gaze. He licked his lips, remember the taste of Remus upon them. "And I'm burning for you. I want you... I want all of you."

"You've got me. I'm all yours." With a mischievous grin, Remus pushed Severus backward onto the bed and pounced on him, straddling Severus' hips and bracing himself with a hand on either side of Severus' head. "And I've got you too. You're all mine now. Other men can look, but they can't touch." He splayed one hand on Severus' chest possessively. "I can't fault them for looking," he added, stroking Severus' chest lightly. "Not when I love to look at you too. I have from the moment you bumped into me in Vegas."

Purring like a cat, Severus arched until the stroking of Remus' hand. Never before had the thought of belonging to someone appealed to him, and he would have run from even wanting such a thing until now. Until Remus. "You're definitely stuck with me, Lupin," he murmured, then put his hands on Remus' hips, moving restlessly beneath Remus' weight. "Is that what you want, as you said? To pin me down and make me yours, make me scream?"

Remus' eyes darkened with need as he gazed down at Severus, his breathing growing ragged. "Yes, that's what I want," he replied, caressing Severus' cheek gently. "Tell me what to do so I won't hurt you or make a total mess of it." He grinned, his tone lighter when he spoke again. "I'm a quick learner."

"I don't doubt it." Severus smiled reassuringly, then reached out one long arm to the bedside table, opening the drawer and withdrawing a bottle. "This is why I suggested my room, since I wasn't certain you'd be fully prepared. Not that I expected to use this other than by myself." He grinned in a predatory fashion. "This is much more fun. So, shall I explain or demonstrate?"

"I think you'd better explain," Remus said, his eyes sparkling with humor. "I might not be able to control myself if you demonstrate, and the fun would be over way too soon." He paused, a thought suddenly occurring to him. "Do we need condoms? I'm clean, if that helps. I've abstained for the last couple of years, and I got tested for STDs regularly while I was active."

Severus felt a little surge of satisfaction in knowing it had been a while for Remus, too. "It's been the same for me. After my freshman year in college, I was too busy, and after the novelty wore off, I just wasn't interested in casual sex." He reached up, his expression sober, and brushed his fingers over Remus' lips. "There are condoms in the drawer, if you'd prefer, but I have no plans on anyone but you for the rest of my life. I won't be offended if you do prefer it, but I trust you."

Remus pursed his lips, miming a kiss against Severus' fingertips. "Would it be better for you if we used them until I know what I'm doing?" he asked. "I don't want to hurt you, even accidentally, so I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make it good for you." He chuckled self-deprecatingly. "Sorry, I'm sure having to stop and teach me Gay Sex 101 is killing the mood, but I promise I'm a highly motivated student."

Strangely enough, teaching Remus didn't dampen Severus' desire at all; there was something very fulfilling in knowing that he would be the one teaching Remus, getting to share this first time with him, and his lips curved in a wicked smile. "Oh, I'm sure you'll be very motivated," he said, then thrust his hips up, showing Remus that his arousal wasn't affected at all. 

"Let's go without then. If you do something that I don't care for, I'll let you know." He looked at Remus haughtily, quite a feat for someone lying beneath Remus with his hair fanned out on the pillow, skin flushed with desire and lips rosy from their kisses. Then he explained what Remus needed to do to prepare him, passing over the bottle of lube and placing one arm over his head, arching slightly to put himself on display. "I want this. I want you to take me, so just start out slow and everything will be fine."

Kneeling between Severus' legs, Remus accepted the bottle and took a moment to admire Severus, appreciating the show; there was, he decided, no sexier man on earth than his Severus, and he felt very lucky indeed. His first-time jitters abated considerably with Severus' reassurance; they both wanted the same thing, and that would go a long way to smooth over any rough patches. He did have a slight advantage in that he wasn't a completely inexperienced virgin, after all, even though there was more preparation involved in having sex with other men.

He followed Severus' instructions, preparing Severus with tender care; he wanted everything to be right and to give Severus pleasure, not pain, and he was willing to take his time, despite the ache of his own arousal. Slowly, slowly, he positioned himself and began easing into Severus at last, gasping in surprise at the feel of Severus' body sheathing him, hot and tight. It was similar, yet so very different - and it felt so good and right that Remus felt like he might lose control then and there. It was sheer force of will that kept him from combusting, and he continued only when he regained his tenuous control, snugging his hips against Severus and holding still when they were completely joined.

"Perfect," he murmured, reaching out to stroke Severus' face tenderly.

As Remus followed his instructions, Severus didn't hesitate to show how much he was enjoying it, moaning and arching his back, his body aching for the fulfillment that Remus' touch only hinted at teasingly. He licked his hips when at last Remus moved over him, holding absolutely still so that he could enjoy every single moment of feeling Remus slide into him, filling him both physically and emotionally. 

"Absolutely perfect," he agreed, watching the play of emotions over Remus' face as they were joined, and he turned his face into the caress of Remus' hand, that small gesture somehow disarming him so completely that his throat felt tight. He wanted to surrender in a way he'd never done before, trusting Remus, knowing that everything between them was right.

Drawing in a deep breath, he wrapped his legs around Remus' hips, putting his other arm over his head so that he was splayed out in a submissive, vulnerable position, something he had never done before, never had any desire to do. But this was Remus, and he wanted to give himself over, to abandon himself completely to the intensity of this first, very special time.

"Pin me if you'd like... I want you to let yourself go," Severus purred, the desire in his eyes like a burning flame. "I'm yours... make me yours completely."

Remus' eyes widened with surprise at Severus' request, but he didn't bother to stop and ask if Severus was sure. If there was one thing he knew about Severus, it was that Severus knew what he wanted - and what he didn't want. If Severus was offering, then it was a genuine offer, and Remus had no intention of refusing the honor he knew he was being given.

With a predatory smile, he grabbed Severus' wrists and held Severus down as he began to move, feeling as if he were claiming Severus on some deep, instinctive level with every thrust of his hips. This was more than pleasurable; it was satisfying on _every_ level - mind, heart, and body - and he wanted more. He let go and let the possessiveness he felt for Severus rise up, letting it infuse their love-making as he tried to wash away all thoughts of past lovers for both of them and forge a new, lasting union.

Severus groaned as Remus began to moved, every thrust causing bursts of molten pleasure to course through him. It was an effort to keep his eyes from rolling back in his head in reaction, but he wanted to watch Remus' face, to see the naked emotions there. Nothing had ever felt so good, so right, and he moved with Remus, catching the rhythm easily as he tightened his legs to pull Remus even deeper. He'd never been able to give himself like this, and it was a sort of freedom he'd never experienced before, and he wanted more - he wanted it _all_.

"Remusss..." the word ended in a hiss, pleasure coiling like a spring within him, winding tighter and tighter. "More... please, more." Severus Snape didn't beg, but at the moment, he was beyond caring if he sounded needy, because he did need it - needed Remus in every way.

That Severus was writhing beneath him, wanting him, _needing_ him was almost too much for Remus to believe, but the evidence was right before his eyes. He drank in the sight of Severus' pleasure and desperation eagerly, letting it fan the flames of his own need until it took no effort at all to fling aside his self-control and give Severus the _more_ he craved. Remus thrust harder, pushed deeper, wanting to be buried so deep, the memory of his touch to be imprinted on Severus' skin so that Severus could never forget this moment.

Releasing one of Severus' wrists, Remus slid his hand down the length of Severus' torso, caressing his hot and sweat-damp skin, and curled his fingers around Severus' hard length, stroking it with more surety than he had the first time, knowing better what Severus liked and what he needed.

"Yes!" Every movement of their bodies was perfect, exquisite, pushing Severus higher than he'd ever been before. He was aware of every inch of skin where their bodies touched, could feel every beat of their hearts. It had never been like this before, never so incredibly fulfilling, and he felt as though they were merging, becoming a single being, the bond between them so much more than the joining of their bodies.

Then Remus' fingers were wrapped around him, caressing, coaxing, pushing him further and further toward the edge until he fell over it with an inarticulate scream, body arching as the most overwhelming pleasure he'd every felt in his life washed over him in wave after wave, Remus his only anchor in the storm of ecstasy.

The sight of Severus completely losing control beneath him made Remus' own control even more tenuous, but he didn't care, giving himself over to the thrill and ecstasy with eager abandon as he too cried out and shattered, losing himself with Severus - in Severus - and returning to himself far more sated in both body and spirit than he ever had been after sex before.

With a heartfelt sigh of contentment, he eased off and away from Severus carefully and sprawled on his back beside Severus, unable to keep himself from smiling in what he was pretty sure was a goofy and besotted way, but he was beyond caring.

"God, Severus... that was... I don't even have words for it," he said, rolling his head on the pillow to look at Severus with utter adoration.

Severus smiled in a way that was rather smug himself, as he rolled languorously onto his side, wrapping one arm around Remus and throwing a leg over Remus' thighs possessively. He didn't have the energy for more, never having felt so fulfilled before. It was intensely gratifying to see the look in Remus' eyes and know that he had put it there, and yet at the same time, he knew that no one, ever, could give him what Remus just had. For the first time, he'd been able to lose himself completely, to give of himself on more than just a physical level. For the first time in his life, he felt free.

Snuggling close, he buried his face against Remus' neck, breathing in deeply of Remus' scent, wanting to keep it in his mind forever. "I love you," he murmured, not even aware of having spoken words at first, then sighing as he realized what he'd done. It was true, though, and after what they'd just shared, he didn't feel frightened of saying them, or at least not this once. "I love you," he repeated, pressing his lips against Remus' skin as though he could imprint the words there, a tangible proof of what he felt.

"I love you too," Remus replied, winding both arms around Severus and holding him close. He wasn't sure whether he was going to melt or fly apart from the sheer joy of hearing the words and knowing they were true, and so he clung to Severus tightly, unable to stop grinning. "You're my family now. No matter what happens, you come first."

"Yes I did, didn't I?" Severus' voice held lazy amusement, but he tightened his own grip on Remus, shivering with pleasure as Remus returned the words. Then he lifted his head so that he could look into Remus' eyes, lifting a brow. "Just don't expect me to always turn into a soppy pile of goo over fantastic sex, Lupin. And after this, I expect the sex to be fantastic every time, do you understand? If that was your effort for a first time, I suspect you can do even better." His eyes glittered wickedly. "Although much better than that and it just might kill me. But don't let it go to your head."

Laughing, Remus leaned close and nuzzled Severus' cheek. "Don't worry. I wouldn't dream of expecting you to turn mushy, and I'll do my best to provide fantastic sex on a regular basis, even if it kills me. I can think of worse ways to go."

"Mmm... definitely." Severus was completely sated, and he had no desire to move at the moment, and possibly he'd never want to move again. "I'll hold you to your word about the sex. Not that I'm the demanding sort, you know. Twice, maybe three times a day ought to be sufficient. Anything more would just be greedy."

"Very generous of you," Remus replied in as somber a voice as he could muster, although his eyes were sparkling with mirth. "I think I can handle it. If not, I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to you."

Severus skimmed his hand down Remus' back to his butt, smacking it lightly. "I'll see that you do... and that you enjoy every minute of it. I believe I can make you scream, too." Giving a sigh of contentment, Severus relaxed. "I'm exhausted, and it's all your fault. Dammit, Lupin, I suspect this is all an elaborate plot to take me out of the competition. Clever plan, but I'm wise to you. I'll just have to tire you out in return."

Remus propped himself up on one elbow and stared at Severus, eyebrows climbing. " _You're_ exhausted? A likely story. I think it's far more likely you were trying to wear _me_ out so I'll be too tired to dance in the finals. Looks like you got caught." He smirked and trailed his fingertips lightly along Severus' arm. "I guess we'll both have to drag ourselves on stage and limp through the final dances."

"Mmmm... yes," Severus said, shivering lightly at the gentleness of Remus' caress. "Let's get up right now and go practice. If you think you can."

Leaning over, Remus pressed a lingering kiss to Severus' lips and pulled back with a smile. "Okay. I'm up to it if you are. We probably should get in a little work after taking the evening off." He cocked his head, his smile turning mischievous. "Although I hope you found being dragged away from practice for a blind date with a hot guy was worth your while."

Scowling, Severus moved to grab Remus once again, pulling him closer. "You're insane, Lupin. There is no way in hell I'm getting out of this bed or letting you out of it. And getting dragged away for a blind date with a hot guy is the best thing that's ever happened to me. Forget the damned competition. You're the one who invited _me_ out on the date, and I say the date isn't over. If you're going to expend any more energy tonight, I insist that it be on me."

Chuckling, Remus let himself be pulled down, and he snuggled against Severus willingly. "Okay," he said amiably, more than happy to go along with whatever Severus wanted. "I'll expend it all on you, if you want me to. Whatever you want, Severus," he said softly, leaning close to kiss Severus again. "I wanted tonight to be all about you. Making you happy."

"I'm happy... for now." Severus smirked, pleased that Remus wasn't serious about practicing, but then the smile faded, and he lifted a hand to Remus' cheek. "But this is about you, too. About us. I want to make you happy, too. I have no intention of our relationship becoming a constant attempt on your part to please me. You had enough of that with your former family. If I am your family now, I want it to be different. I can be a selfish bastard, I know, but you're not going to lose me or make my feelings for you any less if you happen to want something different than what I do. I want you to be with me because that is what you want to do. To want it because I make you happy, not because you feel trapped."

"I do want to be with you," Remus replied, resting his hand atop Severus' and leaning into the caress. "The thought of being with you makes me happier than I've been in a long time, happy enough that I'm willing to come out of the closet and deal with the fallout for us. That's how much this means to me." He propped himself up again, gazing at Severus somberly. "I wanted to make a big gesture tonight for you because I wanted you to _know_ I mean it, and I'm not going to hide our relationship or try to go back to how my life used to be. After the way I've treated you and the mistakes I've made, you deserve that much, so that's why tonight is for you." A sweet smile curved his lips. "Tomorrow, we'll start the whole equality thing, because I've had enough of spending so much energy worrying about other people who do nothing but take. This _is_ going to be different, but it's going to be good for both of us."

Severus couldn't help moving up to kiss that smile, wanting to taste it on his lips. Then he pulled back and nodded. "Yes, it will. I'm not an easy man to get along with, but I want this. I want it more than I've ever wanted anything in my life. I may not always get it right, but I promise I'll try. You deserve better than you've gotten. I've made mistakes too, but I'm going to do everything I can to never make the same ones again."

Remus' smile widened, and his gaze softened with affection as he looked at Severus. "Then we'll do fine. We love each other, and we want this to work. That's the important thing."

"Yes, it is," Severus agreed, then, much relieved that they were indeed starting out on the right foot, he chuckled wickedly and grabbed Remus, pulling him down and rolling to pin him. "Well, since you're being so generous about tonight being for me, and with me not being able to resist such an offer, I'll take you up on it. I find my exhaustion is receding, and it occurs to me that this is the first time I've had you gloriously naked and completely at ease. I think an exploration is in order. Knowledge is a good thing, you know, and I might find out some things that will be useful. Like which places make you laugh, and which ones make you gasp and moan. So unless you have any objections, I plan to be most thorough in my investigations."

It was Remus' turn to arch his back and put himself on display, his eyes glittering with renewed desire. "No objections," he said huskily. "Explore whatever and wherever you want to. I'm all yours."

"Yes, you are," Severus replied, dipping his head to capture Remus' lips in a brief, hard kiss. "All mine... and I want to play with my favorite new toy."

Then with a positively evil smile, he began to do just that - looking forward with especial interest to finally getting to touch the feet which had fascinated him for such a long time.


	25. Last Dance

Remus adjusted his jacket and glanced sidelong at Severus, who was standing close beside him while they waited to be called for their duet, which was the final performance of the evening. They wore similar costumes that looked loosely matador-ish: tight black pants and glittery jackets. Remus' jacket was red, and Severus' was green; neither of them wore shirts beneath, which was fine with Remus since it allowed him to enjoy the sight of Severus' bare chest. The only bad thing was that he couldn't touch at the moment.

He'd come into the show with a little trepidation; the liaison had said the powers that be hadn't decided whether to show footage from the date yet or not, and he supposed it was a controversial issue, showing two men declaring their feelings for one another. If Severus had been female, the show probably would have splashed the news all over the previews, milking the publicity of having a romance bloom. Going in, Remus hadn't known whether his outing would occur that night, during the final results show, or not at all. If the show decided not to air the news, that wouldn't change anything; he would simply break the news to his parents in person after the show. No matter what happened, he had made his decision, and he was ready to see it through.

At this point in the evening, however, it was clear the show was either going to save the news for the finale in order to keep Remus and Severus from getting any homophobic backlash in the votes or someone had vetoed the idea altogether because nothing had been mentioned so far, and the show was nearly over. Remus didn't much care. He'd performed twice already - a jive with Lily and a jazz routine with Dora - but he'd been looking forward to _this_ routine most of all.

"Ready?" he asked, reaching for Severus' hand and squeezing it briefly.

Severus returned the gentle pressure, turning his head to give Remus a heated look. "Oh yes, I'm ready... more than ready," he said, letting his gaze travel the length of Remus' body, then back up to his face. "Ready to finish this so that I can take you back to the room and take that outfit off of you... slowly." It would be his reward for having gotten through the dance with Dora, a waltz that required a close hold that he didn't enjoy in the slightest. His dance with Lily, a light hip-hop, had been much better, but this dance with Remus was the one he'd been anticipating all night. It was going to be electric, he knew it, but he also knew that keeping his hands off Remus during it was going to be a form of torture.

Then their dance was announced by Kate, and Severus, after a swift glance assured them they were alone, stepped over and kissed Remus hard on the lips. "For luck," he said, then with a haughty toss of his head, he twirled his cape and stalked off toward the stage, giving Remus a playful wriggle of his butt as he moved.

Remus watched Severus' antics, grinning, and then followed him on-stage, his heart speeding up with anticipation, not only for the dance they were about to perform together but the dance they would perform alone in Severus' room after the show as well. He took his place on stage, striking a defiant pose and lifting one arm above his head; he matched Severus haughty look for haughty look, giving a cocky little tilt of his chin as the music began.

The challenge in Remus' gaze wasn't lost on Severus, and his eyes glittered as he flowed into the first steps of the dance, the two of them circling each other like the competitors they actually were, faces flushed as they focused on each other. The cape work came next, the red satin of Remus' and the green of Severus' flowing and flashing under the stage lights. He concentrated on his own movements, and yet at the same time, Severus felt intensely aware of Remus as they moved in sync around the stage, the sensual rhythm flowing around them like the beating of their hearts. Leap and spin, turn, sweep, and then they were spiraling back toward each other, stalking one another.

They had practiced incorporating their own styles as part of the show-down; Remus particularly liked how that made the dance their own and gave a nice little nod to the fact that they _were_ in competition outside the dance as well. He also enjoyed demonstrating that Contemporary wasn't feminine, even when compared to hard-hitting hip-hop, and he threw himself into the steps, channeling his energy and aggression into the dance.

But that, he knew, wasn't all he was channeling. He could all but feel the air crackling between himself and Severus when they circled and stared at each other, moving closer and then retreating in a predatory dance. Severus looked incredible, all long, delectable lines and sharp movements; Remus didn't bother to hide the heat in his eyes, and he infused every move with the desire he felt for his partner. For they were partners now, on and off the dance floor, and he could feel the difference it made in their dancing, giving it a whole new and different level than before.

He was exhausted and drenched in sweat when the dance ended, but he couldn't stop smiling as he slung his arm across Severus' shoulders and went to meet Kate, who was fanning herself with her note cards as she watched them approach. Dance had never been like that for him before, and he was amazed by how much better having Severus made _everything_.

"That was brilliant!" Kate exclaimed. "If you two don't end up on Maria's hot tamale train, there's something wrong with the world!"

"Forget the train! They set the whole darn building on fire!" Maria shrieked. She screamed some more about chemistry and innovation, and when she finally wound down, Clive picked up where she left off, albeit at a lower decibel level.

"We always encourage the dancers to take the choreography and make it their own," he said. "And tonight, the pair of you did just that. I love that you turned the battle of the matadors into a battle between two dancers with different styles. It was clever and appropriate, and it proves you both have what it takes to make it in this business."

Severus was very glad for the cape he'd scooped up from the floor, holding it in front of himself as he stood beside Remus, breathing hard and not just from the exertion of the dance. Desire had sizzled in the air between them as they danced, every supple, graceful movement of Remus' body seeming to drive Severus to more desperate heights. It was even more sizzling than it had been in practice, the electric, breathless energy of the audience fueling them in a positive feedback loop which had seemed to melt the very air. As a result, Severus would have liked nothing more than to haul Remus off for a thorough ravishing, but the show must go on. Damn it.

Hearing the praise of the judges made Remus want to kiss Severus out of sheer relief and joy, but he contented himself with gripping Severus' shoulder tightly instead, the heat radiating from Severus' body distracting him from whatever else the judges had to say. His awareness had dwindled to just the two of them, and their fate was in the hands of the voters now anyway.

Kate waved them backstage to sit through the last commercial break before the wrap-up of the show, and Remus headed off gratefully, making his first task to snag a bottle of water for both of them. He tossed one bottle to Severus and grinned.

"We killed it," he said. "But you know... I don't even care how the voting turns out at this point. I mean, I'd still love to win, and I'm excited about the tour, but I feel like I've already had my big pay off for being here."

Severus caught the bottle neatly, opening it with a deft twist and gulping down half the contents. He was parched with thirst, but he was also starving with a hunger only Remus could fulfill. The wait was going to be agonizing, but he had the feeling it was going to drive them to even newer heights.

"I suspect we'll do quite well in the voting," he replied, setting the bottle down. Remus was pure temptation, standing there with his skin flushed, breathing hard, the open jacket revealing the damp, gleaming planes of his chest in tantalizing glimpses. He stalked toward Remus, still holding the cape, and he used it to shield his actions from view as he brushed his hips against Remus', letting Remus feel just how aroused he was. Dropping his voice, he gave a chuckling purr. "If that dance has half the effect on the viewers as it did on me, you're going to walk away with this competition."

Lily and Dora came to join them, and Severus stayed where he was, giving Lily a smile and ignoring Dora's tragic eyes. Lily had told him that she'd had a talk with Dora about Remus' preferences, but Severus wasn't certain if the girl was more upset that Remus was gay or that she'd lost the object of her affections to Severus. It didn't matter, really, but he'd noticed her dancing tonight definitely lacked whatever style it had possessed before, and during their own number, she'd given Severus more than a few glances of loathing. Not that it bothered him in the least; she'd never stood a chance with Remus, not even if Severus had never been in the competition at all, but she was too stupid to realize it.

"You were dead sexy too, and you know it," Remus replied quietly, his breath hitching in response to the evidence of Severus' arousal. He wasn't unaffected himself, and he was grateful to have Severus' cape shielding them both until he'd calmed down a little. Although how that was possible with Severus standing so close, he didn't know.

Dora looked more woeful than Remus had ever seen her before, which he supposed meant Lily had talked to her. She had given him looks of tragic despair throughout their practice sessions, and even though he had tried to be kind and friendly, she persisted in behaving as if he had ripped her heart out and stomped on it. She'd done it to herself, building up romantic fantasies in her mind without consulting the object of said fantasies to see if he was actually interested in a starring role, but he felt sorry for her nonetheless.

"Congratulations, you two," he said, smiling at both Dora and Lily. "We did it! It's all in the hands of the voters now."

Lily grinned, coming over to hug them both quickly. "And to both of you. Maria was right, even if she's louder than a banshee. You two practically burned the building down around our heads. Well, if I have to lose, I'll be proud it was to something like that. Not that I plan to lose, you know, but just saying." 

She laughed, gave each of them a smacking, friendly kiss on the cheek and then stepped back and took Dora by the arm. "Come on, they're about to call us, and I for one want to get this over with and into a nice, hot bath. I've never worked so hard in my life, and I'll be shocked if my muscles forgive me for it."

Kate's summons came a moment later, and Lily marched Dora resolutely out onto the stage. Severus followed, after a last, speaking glance at Remus; in a few minutes, they'd be done, and they could dance again, alone, and in the way that would end up with them both screaming in pleasure.


	26. And the Winner Is...

Standing backstage, waiting to find out the winner of the competition, Severus found himself feeling eerily calm.

It wasn't that he didn't care about who won - although he cared less than he had a few weeks ago - but that he knew there was a three out of four chance that the winner would be either himself or someone he cared about deeply, and so it was almost as though as long as Dora wasn't the ultimate victor, Severus won by extension. If Lily or Remus emerged victorious, he would celebrate as much as though it had been he, himself, so there was absolutely no reason to get wound up.

It was also an ending, of sorts, as well as a beginning. No more the insane rush to learn new styles of dance in only a few hours, then attempt to perform at the peak of their ability, always with the threat of elimination over their heads. Once the tour began, they would be able to relax and simply enjoy the dances, to spend some time perfecting moves for choreography that would be performed over and over again. In a way, he would miss the challenge of pushing himself to, and sometimes past, his limits, but he was also eagerly looking forward to the chance to be with Remus without the fear of discovery, enjoying their time together as they toured the country and got to enjoy some of the things they'd missed out on during the show.

Kate was finishing up the recap of Lily and Dora's performances of the previous night, and soon she would call for Severus and Remus. There had been no hint as yet of anyone leaking the fact of their relationship, but Severus wasn't worried about that, either. Everything would happen in its own time, and he had no fear that Remus was going to back out or repudiate him. Turning his head, Severus glanced at Remus, then reached out to take his hand, squeezing it briefly.

"Nervous?" he asked softly.

"A little," Remus admitted with a wry smile, curling his fingers around Severus' hand and holding it fast. With the competition mere minutes away from being over, he didn't care about being discreet; he was done with hiding, and right now, a little contact helped to settle his nerves. "But winning isn't the be-all, end-all it used to be. I think no matter who wins, we'll all get offers after the tour is over, and I'm not as worried about it as I was." His smile widened as he gazed fondly at Severus. "Coming out has really helped put a lot of things in perspective for me, and I'm not worried about proving anything to my father anymore."

"I'm glad," Severus said, stepping closer so that he was pressed against Remus' side. "You are a fantastic dancer, one of the best I've ever seen, and you're going to have a fantastic career no matter what. You should be very proud of yourself for what you've accomplished. It was a risk, but it's going to pay off." He tightened his grip on Remus' hand. "I feel as though I've already won. You are the best prize in the world."

Remus couldn't help but light up at Severus' words, surprised but delighted that Severus was willing to voice such a sentiment aloud at all, much less where other people might walk by and hear him being sappy. "I feel the same way," he replied. "Any prize the show gives me will be icing on the cake."

Severus smirked. "As well you should," he said, tossing his hair back. "I'm quite the catch, you know. Any people questioning your sanity in taking me on are quite out of line... correct or not." His eyes glittered with amusement. "At least you know I'm satisfactory in _one_ sense. As are you, for that matter. Quite satisfactory, in fact; pity that I couldn't get you a shirt that says 'World's Biggest Stud' on it for the finale."

Remus felt a heated blush rise in his face at that, and he laughed at Severus' outrageousness. "I don't know if I deserve praise for doing something I enjoy so much." Smiling, he shouldered Severus affectionately. "And you _are_ satisfactory. In every way. I don't care what anyone else thinks. I wouldn't change a thing."

There was no way Severus could keep from preening at bit at Remus' words, but before he could reply and up the stakes, they were being called out onto the stage. Severus removed his hand from Remus', but only so that he could put his arm around Remus' shoulders as they moved into the spotlights.

"Here we are, America, your top two guys: Remus and Severus!" Kate's voice was enthusiastic, and she clapped right along with the audience as they walked up to her.

"So, gentlemen, are you nervous?" she asked.

"No." Severus' reply was short and to the point, but the faint smile curving his lips made it seem less churlish than it might have.

Kate laughed at that. "Well, someone is confident. What about you, Remus? Are you feeling the pressure now?"

"A little," Remus replied, glancing at Severus playfully. "But not as much as I might have been a few weeks ago. Severus has taught me a lot about not worrying about things I can't do anything about. The votes are in, and nothing can change them at this point, so all I can do is wait to see what happens."

"Very true!" Kate gestured to the large video screen hanging over the stage. "So let's look at last night's performances and see whether they might have been the top vote getters."

Remus watched at the video clip of Severus' dances while Kate provided narration to remind the audience of what styles Severus had danced with which partners, and Remus' heart lurched when images of himself and Severus appeared. They hadn't had the chance to watch their own performance yet, and even from the brief glimpse they were given, he could tell their performance had been as powerful as everyone had said.

Severus wasn't terribly interested in his own performances, except his piece with Remus, and he had to admit it looked pretty sensational from the bits they were shown. He watched Remus' clips more closely, however, since he'd not gotten to see these dances in their finished forms. It was rather gratifying to see that although Remus was excellent in all his performances, there seemed to be a little something extra in the piece they'd danced together.

"The judges were most impressed with your Paso Doble," Kate said, as yet another clip of it rolled on the huge overhead screen. "Everyone was, actually, and it wasn't difficult to tell there was something special about that dance. Of course, the audience at home wasn't let in on the secret of what that special something actually was... until now."

The screen changed to a scene from night of their date, and Severus' eyes widened; he hadn't expected this, but perhaps he should have.

Remus gasped, his stomach clenching when he saw the clip of their date begin to play. They had decided to air it after all! In a way, he was grateful they had waited since it meant neither his nor Severus' chances were hurt in the voting, although he wouldn't have really cared if they had aired it the night before. He smiled a little shakily up at Severus and leaned against him. The truth was out, and there was no going back now. No doubt his parents were watching, and there was no telling what would happen after the show, but even if the worse happened and his father disowned him, he would have Severus to help him deal with the aftermath.

There were some gasps from the audience as well when the clip of their kiss and Remus' declaration aired on the screen, followed by thunderous applause and whistles. Remus had no doubt there would be plenty of disgusted viewers, and perhaps the network would even receive complaints, but at least the response from the live audience tonight was a positive one, and it went far to assure him that things weren't going to be as difficult as he'd feared.

Severus saw Remus' shaky smile, and he tightened his arm, supporting Remus completely, knowing that the moment of truth was more difficult for Remus than it was for him. The end of the clip was lost in the applause of the audience, and Kate was beaming at them. Severus tipped his chin up proudly, then turned his head to press his lips to Remus' temple.

"He chased me until I caught him," Severus said, his eyes sparkly with pride and amusement. It was a relief that the audience was applauding instead of booing them off the stage, but their opinions wouldn't have changed his response one bit. "Or perhaps it was the other way around."

"Either way, it was the best catch of my life," Remus said, sliding his arm around Severus' waist. "This wasn't what I expected to happen when I came on the show," he continued, amused that he could make such an incredible understatement with a straight face. "But I'm glad it did. Severus and I are going to be dancing together on and off-stage from now on, thanks to our experiences here."

"Aww..." Kate gazed at them, visibly touched, and she reached out to clasp Remus' free hand, since he was closer. "I'm so happy for you both, and we're all grateful you were willing to share your special moment with us. We've never had a romance on the show before! I wish you both all the best! Don't we, judges?"

Maria shrieked something about the sexy romance and too much hotness for one relationship while Clive offered more quiet but obviously sincere congratulations.

"Thank you," Severus said, then Kate was gesturing for Lily and Dora to come back out onto the stage. Lily slid easily to Severus' free side, while Dora took a place on the other side of Lily, as far from the men as she could get.

"Well, now that we've caught up on all the previous goings-on - or almost all of them, eh, boys? - it's time to get to the real purpose of the evening, the declaration of the winner!" Kate looked at the four of them, excitement sparkling in her blue eyes. "Are you ready?"

When the four of them nodded and murmured their assent, Kate opened her envelope, eyes quickly scanning the words inside, a small smile playing around her lips. "In fourth place, we have.... Dora!"

Despite the obvious disappointment in her eyes, Dora smiled bravely and went to hug Kate, and then she turned and waved to the audience in response to the applause and shouts of support.

"Do you have anything you'd like to say about your experience on the show?" Kate asked.

Dora took a deep breath and nodded. "It's been a roller coaster," she said, smiling wryly. "A lot of ups and downs, but I wouldn't trade any of it for the world, and I'm grateful I made it this far." She glanced at Remus and Lily. "And that I made some terrific friends along the way."

Lily stepped forward to hug her, and Dora hugged back enthusiastically, then gave Remus an uncertain look; he stepped forward too, offering a friendly embrace, which she accepted with a grateful smile.

"Congratulations," she whispered, giving him a squeeze. "I don't know what you see in him, but I hope you're happy."

"Thanks," he whispered, and then she pulled back and hurried off stage, and the remaining three competitors' attention turned back to Kate.

Kate was looking at the three of them with a wide smile. "Well, here are our top three. All of you are excellent dancers, so it's hard to predict the outcome, isn't it?"

Severus nodded, tightening his arm around Remus. Not that it mattered which of them won, he'd already gotten the outcome he wanted. He put his other arm around Lily's shoulders, and they stood waiting for the rest of the results.

"Well, we're almost there," Kate continued. "The top three places are separated by only a few fractions of a percentage point, so all three of you should know that you're winners! But there has to be an order, and now... in third place... Lily!"

Lily laughed, turning to give Severus a big hug, then Remus, before walking over to Kate with her head held high and her eyes sparkling, to give the hostess a hug as well. 

"You did great, Lily.. Are you terribly disappointed?" Kate asked.

"No, actually, I'm not. I know I did my best, and I had a fantastic time," Lily replied, then turned to blow kisses to her family in the audience. "And I've been lucky too, you know... James Potter and I are dating, and... well, I have hopes that we end up as happy as Remus and Severus. I'm looking forward to the tour, and I have no doubts I'll be able to make a career in dance after that, and that's all I really want. Thank you, all of you, for the best experience of my life!"

Lily blew kisses to everyone, then danced off the stage, doing a pirouette before disappearing behind the curtain.

Severus chuckled; Lily was an irrepressible person, and he was very glad for her sake that she wasn't devastated by not winning. He stood there proudly by Remus' side, unconcerned for the consequences and simply enjoying being there with Remus for this.

"Two romances in the same season!" Kate exclaimed, her eyes widening. "There must be something in the water. Well, now, look what we have... seems to me the two of you have already won a great deal, and now you're our top two!" She laughed and shook her head. "So, is the outcome going to cause any problems between you two?"

"Not as far as I'm concerned," Remus said, smiling at Severus. "If Severus is the winner, he earned it, and I'll be very proud of him."

"If America has any sense, Remus is the winner," Severus replied, quirking a brow at Kate. "Not that I don't appreciate the votes of those who supported me, but if I were voting, it would be for him."

Kate laughed. "Well, it looks like we won't have any trouble in paradise, then! So, boys, let's get to it." She glanced down at her card again, although Severus was certain it was merely for dramatic effect. "It seems that America does have sense, at least according to Severus... Remus, you are America's favorite dancer! Congratulations!"

Remus stared at her in shock for a moment, his jaw dropping, and then he let out a joyous whoop before flinging his arms around Kate and then Severus in turn, beyond elated. He could scarcely believe it was true, and while he'd meant every word when he said winning wasn't as desperately important to him as it had been, he knew winning would open up doors and offer amazing opportunities. His career was secured, and there would be no going back to the post office for him.

Severus laughed and hugged Remus back, proud and very pleased that Remus had won. He felt no loss or sorrow for himself whatsoever, an uncharacteristically generous state of mind, he thought, given that he was normally a selfish bastard who couldn't stand to lose in any way. But this was different, and a win meant infinitely more to Remus than it did to him. This was Remus' vindication about his dancing in the same way that Severus' PhD would be to his academics, and he was glad Remus hadn't had the moment taken from him by a perversity in the audience vote.

"Congratulations," Severus murmured in his ear, then stepped back to allow Remus to enjoy his triumph as the judges rose to their feet, clapping along with everyone in the studio.

The rest of the contestants, who had all been brought back for the finale, rushed out on stage and crowded around Remus, offering hugs and congratulations, and Remus waded through the sea of people, overwhelmed and utterly ecstatic. Eventually, show wrapped, the audience began to disperse, and the throng dissipated as other reunions - including James and Lily - began, and Remus gravitated back to Severus, reaching out to clasp both Severus' hands in his own.

"So. How does it feel to be involved with America's top dance idol?" he asked, his pale eyes flashing with mischief.

Severus gave a haughty lift of his brows, although his own eyes were full of amusement. "Well, that depends... it feels all right at the moment, but I suspect it could feel far, far better. Especially if we were alone." Then he pulled Remus into his arms, kissing him full on the lips with no care about who was watching. "How does it feel to _be_ America's top dance idol? Going to throw me over now that you could have your pick of any gay man in the country?"

Humming happily, Remus returned the kiss and wound his arms around Severus in return. "It feels wonderful, especially since I have you to share it with me." He pulled back enough that he could fix Severus with a haughty look in return. "I suppose I _could_ pick from vast throngs of hot men now that I'm famous, but you'll do." He smiled, letting his heart be seen in his eyes as he gazed up at Severus. "You'll do very well."

Severus felt warmed by the look in Remus' eyes, and he could tease because he did feel secure, certain that Remus wouldn't trade him in for anyone else. "Then may I suggest that we adjourn to somewhere private and decide precisely who is going to do what to whom?" he asked, sneaking in a surreptitious squeeze of Remus' bottom. "I believe the phrase says that the winner takes it all, right? I'm willing to negotiate on that point."

Wriggling against Severus' hand, Remus laughed. "To the victor go the spoils?" he asked, teasing in return. "I think I'm in the mood to pillage and plunder tonight and take it all - repeatedly."

"Oh, very well," Severus rolled his eyes dramatically, but his lips twitched with amusement. "So, do you want to stay and enjoy your triumph for a while? I'm not going to take it away from you."

"If you don't mind." Remus slid one hand down Severus' arm to clasp his hand. "This is a once-in-a-lifetime moment, and we have the rest of our lives for negotiating the nightly plundering. I'd like to stay and celebrate with everyone for a while, and then we can have a private celebration all our own."

"As long as I don't have to look at that insipid Dora mooning at you all night," Severus said with a sniff. "Having to deal with James will be bad enough, but you're _mine_ , and I'll not stand for that little tart ogling you." He leaned down and kissed Remus then. "Go on... it's your night. Enjoy it."

Remus returned the kiss gently and gave Severus a grateful smile. "Thanks. I'll make it up to you later. Anything you want to help you forget having to endure James - I promise!"

With that, he headed back to the crowd, where champagne was being served in a little celebration party for the cast and crew. Music had started up, blaring over the speakers, and dancing - not the professional kind - had begun as well, James and Lily leading the way. Remus paused, looking around and drinking it all in for a moment. It _was_ his night, and no matter what might happen tomorrow, tonight was for joy and celebration, and he intended to enjoy every minute of it...

He glanced over his shoulder and smiled, holding out one hand and beckoning.

...with Severus.


	27. Epilogue

"There, that's the last one," Severus said, huffing slightly as he placed the heavy box of books in the middle of the living room floor. All around him, things were chaotic, pieces of furniture and half-open boxes spread all over the place, but he didn't mind it; the sight of his things mingled with Remus' in happy disarray pleased him far more than his former neat apartment in Atlanta. They'd get things settled eventually, and in the meantime, he was happier than he could ever remember being in his life.

The dance tour was over, and it had been a fun and exciting experience, despite the presence of James and Dora. Fortunately, James was too preoccupied with Lily to bother Severus much, and even Dora directed her interest away from Remus at last, so Severus could relax and simply enjoy the tour. They'd seen wonderful places and danced to the thunderous applause of thousands of people, but he was ready to settle down at last. He did have a few reminders of the tour, however, that he planned to share with Remus later, and the thought of them made him grin as he moved toward Remus.

Remus glanced up from the box he was unpacking and straightened, raising a questioning eyebrow at the sight of Severus' grin. Moving had been a chaotic affair and a little bittersweet since some of the boxes contained things his mother had shipped to him following his father's edict that he wasn't welcome in their house anymore. Rather than let his father throw out the things he'd left at home because he didn't have room for them in his apartment in Norman, Oklahoma, she'd managed to get everything packed and sent to him, for which he was grateful because some things had sentimental value. He hadn't gone through the boxes thoroughly yet, too busy with the tour and then moving to California to bother, and he was glad because he would have emotional support when he unpacked them at last.

He felt little pangs sometimes, and he hoped one day, his father would relent; his mother called him when she could, and not everyone in the family agreed with Jack Lupin's decision to cut off his only son, so Remus wasn't totally without family, but it was difficult sometimes nonetheless. He had no regrets, though, and after enjoying the freedom of the past few months, he wouldn't have gone back to his former life for all the money in the world. 

The tour had been exhausting, but enjoyable, and it had confirmed that this was indeed what he wanted to spend his life doing. Fortunately, Tyson - who had been both his and Severus' favorite choreographer to work with on the show - had offered them both a job in his company, and Remus had readily accepted it as a starting point for his career, although he assumed Severus had turned it down in favor of returning to school. Remus had also been asked to come back as a guest choreographer for the next season of _So You Think You're America's Next Top Dance Idol_ , which he was looking forward to as a new challenge.

To his surprise, he discovered he and Severus had fans, not just of them individually, but them together as a couple. He'd managed to find some time to check the internet and had been vastly amused to find discussion of their relationship on the forums of the show's website. There was the usual homophobic rhetoric, of course, and some cynical speculation that their relationship wasn't real, just a blatant attempt to gain attention for themselves and publicity for the show, but there were also fans who created photo-manipulations of them and even wrote stories about them. He'd bookmarked a few, intending to show Severus later.

"Should I be worried that you're grinning at me?" he teased as he moved to meet Severus half-way, holding out his arms.

"What, me?" Severus batted his eyes in faux-innocence as he flowed into Remus' arms, wrapping his own around Remus' waist so that he could grope Remus' ass. "You're the famous dancer, Lupin, I'm just your sidekick! What could I possibly do to worry you?" He snorted, then, unable to keep up the act. "All right, forget I asked that, but I know what I _want_ to do with you once you're ready for a break. Damn, I'm glad there's nothing else to haul up two flights of stairs. I still don't know what possessed us to take an apartment on the third floor. The basement would have suited me just fine."

"Because it has a fireplace and a nice view, which the basement doesn't," Remus replied pragmatically, leaning against Severus and wrapping his arms around Severus' neck. "Now tell me what it is you want to do to me, and I might be willing to take a break, especially if it involves nudity," he added, teasing Severus with a quick grope in return.

Severus smirked. "Well, after the last performance on the tour, I paid a little visit to Allison in the costume department. You remember her, of course. She's the one who had an absolute fondness for putting you in things that barely covered your butt, much less your chest."

Remus laughed and shook his head. "How could I forget? I kept wondering when she was going to put me in a costume made out of nothing but strategically placed band-aids and a couple of tissues."

"I think I would have paid to see that," Severus replied, smacking Remus on the butt in question playfully. "At any rate, I told her I wanted something for you, as a reminder of the show. Turns out she's one of those straight women who gush unendingly over gay men in a relationship, so I got what I wanted and more." He moved one hand to point to a box he'd carried in earlier. "Consider it a housewarming present. Or a househeating present, perhaps."

With a questioning glance, Remus pulled away from the embrace and went to pick up the box; he shook it experimentally before prying off the lid, and he chuckled when he saw a gift bag within, one decorated with wedding bells. He shot a playful look at Severus as he lifted out the bag.

"This is too big and too heavy to be an engagement ring," he said. "But the bag does make me wonder if you're sending a message."

Severus crossed his arms over his chest and lifted a lazy brow, although secretly, he was watching Remus with great interest. The bag had definitely been a way of feeling out a certain subject, an easy enough thing to explain away as a joke if Remus had responded negatively. As he hadn't, Severus shrugged slightly. 

"Hmmm... given your aggressiveness in the bedroom and preference for topping, perhaps the engagement ring is more appropriate presented in the other direction," he drawled. "Although I don't require the formality... but I wouldn't be averse, either."

"Really?" Remus' expression softened as he gazed at Severus, surprised but pleased by the admission. "Well, you would look good in diamonds, and I'm not exactly a stranger to going on my knees for you." He filed away the thought for future reference and turned his attention back to the bag; after all they had been through and as much time as they'd spent together on the show and on tour, he wasn't worried about their relationship falling apart, and making a formal commitment appealed to him, especially since a ring on Severus' finger would send a 'hands off' signal to the hot young men Remus often caught ogling Severus.

He pulled out a tissue-wrapped package and peeled away the tissue to reveal the jacket of his matador costume from their infamous duet. Laughing with delight, he peeked into the bag. "Did you get the entire costume?" he asked, glancing at Severus. "Not that there was much to it!"

"Yes, the whole costume... both of them, actually," Severus admitted, smiling smugly at Remus' delight in the gift. "After all, I couldn't bear the thought of anyone else wearing them. And we never did get to use them in the fashion we'd once fantasized about, so now we can rectify that unacceptable situation." 

He was pleased Remus liked the present, but he was even more pleased that Remus seemed to take the suggestion of formalizing their relationship in stride. The recent legislation which had legitimized gay marriage in California had been one of the deciding factors in his willingness to move to the state permanently, instead of trying to cajole Remus into them finding something in the south. For all that he had come out of the closet, Severus knew that Remus was truly a traditionalist at heart, and that family meant a great deal to him. Severus also knew that Remus felt the disapproval of his father keenly, and so Severus wanted to make certain that if marriage was something that would make Remus feel better, that it was an option for them.

Not to mention that Severus found himself rather attracted to the idea of Remus being his in every sense of the word. He was a possessive bastard, after all, and there was a certain appeal to the thought of Remus wearing his ring. Not that there was any rush, really, but Severus was just as glad now to have the issue out in the open for Remus to consider.

Putting the jacket and bag aside, Remus hurried back to wrap his arms around Severus and kiss him soundly. "We'll put them to whatever use you like," he said. "Thank you, Severus. Those costumes have a lot of good memories attached, and I'm very glad we have them."

He paused, debating whether he ought to bring up the item he had for Severus; it wasn't a gift, and he wasn't sure Severus would be all that happy to receive it, thus he was hesitant to offer it now when it seemed Severus was so happy and mellow. Then again, he supposed there really wasn't going to be an ideal time, and perhaps presenting it when Severus was in a good mood was better than waiting until he was tired and surly.

"Actually, I have something for you, too," he said slowly, disengaging so he could retrieve the letter he'd received. It had been delivered to his old apartment while they were on tour, and he'd held on to it, debating what to do for a while before deciding Severus needed to see it and make his own decisions. He'd been surprised that Eileen Snape had written to _him_ , but then again, Severus probably would have thrown away or sent back anything she wrote to him. Remus was a safer bet, and her appeal for help had roused his sympathies.

He held out the letter, his expression somber. "Just read it, that's all I ask," he said. "Whatever you decide after that is up to you. I won't say a word or try to talk you into anything."

Severus was curious about what Remus could have for him, and he was anticipating something pleasant until Remus held out an envelope and he saw Remus' expression. Whatever this was, it wasn't good, and a quick glance at the plain white stationary showed handwriting Severus recognized. Very, very not good.

"She wrote to you." Severus' hands clenched into fists at his sides. "The bitch! She couldn't get to me, so she went through you. How dare she? What makes her think that she has a right to keep interfering in my life?" He was seething, but he didn't blame Remus; no doubt that woman had said something to play upon his sympathies, knowing that Severus would have tossed the letter in the trash without a second thought. "She has some kind of sob story, doesn't she?"

"Not exactly," Remus said, still holding out the letter. "I think you should read it before you decide to dismiss her. People _can_ change, especially given the right motivation. I changed, remember?" He stepped closer, his tone and expression beseeching. "Sometimes, we need just the right push - a wake-up call - to help us make difficult, frightening decisions. For me, it was the thought of living the rest of my life without you. Maybe your mother feels the same way. Just read it. If you don't want to talk to her after that, I'll help you burn the letter."

Severus stared hard at Remus, but the sincerity of Remus' expression didn't change. Remus was right, too, damn him; Remus had changed for him, had done something extremely difficult in order to give them a chance at happiness, and he'd not asked anything of Severus in return. Severus had only gained, while Remus had lost a part of his family he might never get back, and he didn't hold it over Severus either. If Remus thought Severus should read the blasted letter, then the least Severus could do was humor him. It was a small enough price to pay for what Remus had given him.

Yet it was a very, very hard thing for Severus to do, and he stared at the envelope for several long moments, as though by force of will he could cause it to burn up in Remus' hand. It didn't, of course, and finally Severus realized he was going to have to make a choice; he could refuse to read it and thereby hurt Remus, who had only done things to please him, or he could swallow his pride and anger long enough to read it before tossing it in the garbage where it belonged. Really, there was only one choice.

"Oh, all right," he said sullenly, although he resented his mother rather than Remus. Remus was the forgiving sort, which was of great benefit to Severus most of the time, given his temper. He reached out to take the envelope as though he were handling a poisonous spider, then opened it and withdrew the papers inside and began to read.

_Dear Mr. Lupin,_

_I'm sorry to be writing to you out of the blue like this, but I don't know what else to do at this point. Severus obviously is so furious with me that he won't even look at me, and I saw through that show you both were on that he cares for you a great deal. Knowing that there are very few things in his life that Severus really does care about, I thought to appeal to you to please read this. I know you don't owe me anything, and perhaps you might hate me as much as my son does, but I have to try and you're my only hope._

_I know I've been a horrible mother, to let things go on as they did, to allow Severus to suffer so much at his father's hands. I don't know how much he's told you, but my husband became a violent drunk, and he took much of the misfortune in his life out on Severus. He wasn't always that way, but he changed not long before Severus was born, so Severus wouldn't remember a time when his father laughed and treated me decently, but it was there, at least for a brief time._

_I'm not trying to make excuses, only explain, but I came from a family where I was abused by my own father, and I was very, very young when I married Tobias, only seventeen and very naive. In a way, I'm no different than Severus in that regard; he ran away from home, and in a sense, I did as well, only to get married to someone I thought offered me a means of escape. It was all too brief of an illusion, and by the time I realized Tobias was no better than my own father, I was already pregnant with Severus. I had no skills, no means of earning a living, no confidence, and so I stayed. I see now that it was my first, and biggest mistake, not to have left Tobias or forced him to get help, or else left with my child and taken whatever life doled out. But Tobias told me he would change, and so I stayed, and we went on that way for a few years, where it was bad but not unbearable._

_Then Tobias lost his job when the steel mill closed, and things got much, much worse. By that time, I was trapped. Not by Tobias, as I thought then, but by my own weakness. Tobias started to drink very heavily and beat both Severus and me, and I found I had slipped into the role my own mother played. I've learned recently that this kind of thing is a cycle, that there had always been a chance I'd fall into the pattern, but I know that's not an excuse, and definitely not from Severus' point of view. But I was too weak to change and too stupid to even know that I could, and it caused Severus to suffer needlessly, until he ran away. I always told myself that he was running away from his father, as I had done, and I was not prepared when I came out to Los Angeles for the way Severus reacted to me. I never thought that Severus could ever hate me, because I always saw myself as as much of a victim as he was._

_Maybe I was in denial, thinking that Severus would not have believed me responsible for what his father had done, but he obviously did, and it hurt. I'd taken a huge risk coming out there to see him, because Tobias had forbidden it, but I saved the airplane tickets from the trashcan, then I guess I ran away again, only I was running to Severus. Maybe I thought he could save me, I don't know, but when Severus rejected me so violently I had no idea why. I didn't know what to do, and I was standing there in the studio staring at nothing when Reverend Evans, Lily's father, came over to speak to me. He started in commiserating about how hard and unforgiving Severus was, and I broke down, started crying, sobbing out the whole story. I only knew Reverend Evans by sight; we'd never really spoken before, but he was very gentle with me, and he told me not to go back to Tobias. He made a couple of phone calls and then put me in contact with a womens shelter and support group in Los Angeles. I went there, and I didn't return to Birmingham. It's where I am now, trying to heal from almost forty years of mistakes._

_I've spent the last several months learning how to take care of myself and deal with the things in my life. I learned the first thing I had to do was take responsibility for my own role in how my life turned out, and to forgive myself for my own mistakes so that I can look forward, rather than back. I learned that in order to do that, I first needed Severus' forgiveness, and after what happened before, I don't know if he will forgive. Part of me can't blame him for that, but I have to try. He's my son, and for all the mistakes I've made I do love him, and I've missed him. He doesn't have to ever let me into his life, but I do want to apologize to him for failing him. I didn't even know I was failing him in exactly the same way my own mother had failed me, although I never even realized she had. But I'm sorry for it, for what is father did because I allowed it. Maybe I couldn't have stopped it, but I should have tried. I know that his life was horrible, and it was partly my fault._

_Please, Mr. Lupin, please believe that I care for Severus, and that I am sorry for everything I let happen to him. Maybe he can't forgive me, and I'll deal with it if so, but if you care for him, please make sure he gets help, that he goes to talk to someone to let out all the hurt and anger he's feeling. Like I said, I found out these things are a pattern, and that abused children often grow up to be abusive adults. Severus always was a very smart boy, much smarter than his father ever thought, and I think he's smart enough to not fall into the trap, but I want to know it, to make sure he's healed. I want to know that he can have a happy life, that he won't sabotage himself the way I did. He deserves to be happy, after all he's suffered. He seems happy with you, and I'd hate to see that ruined because of something I did. You can let him read this, if you like, or you can throw it away. But if you love him as I love him, just make sure he deals with all that hurt he's bottling up. If he can't forgive me, I can at least live with myself if I know that he's happy._

_Sincerely,_

_Eileen Prince_

_PS: I'm getting a divorce, so I'm using my maiden name, though my father's no better than Tobias, but still, it helps.  
_

Severus was as still as a statue as he read the letter. He had intended to give it only a cursory glance and then toss it aside, but he found himself caught up in the things Eileen was saying. And in the end, she didn't plead with Remus to get Severus to agree to see her or even to forgive her; all she asked was that Remus help _him_. It wasn't what he expected, and he stared at the piece of paper, wondering if it was a trick or a trap, but he didn't think Eileen capable of that kind of guile.

He looked up at Remus at last, staring at him, not even knowing what to say. He was confused, having cut his family out of his life years ago, and he'd written off his mother as being every bit as horrible and responsible as his father. But he'd had psychology in college, and he was educated; he knew that what Eileen was saying was true, but he had refused to apply it to her or even to himself. Drawing in a deep breath, he spoke at last. "Do you think she means it?"

"Yes, I do," Remus replied somberly. "She's your mother, Severus. She carried you and brought you into this world, and that creates a special bond. I believe she meant every word of that letter, and I believe realizing how much her inaction hurt you is what motivated her to get out. Better late than never, right?" He reached out and clasped Severus' shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. "My mother is defying my father for me in her own way, so it's easier for me to accept that Eileen is sincere, but I meant what I said. What you do with this information is your decision; I'm not going to pressure you to see her." He paused, his expression turning grave. "As for getting help as she suggested, that's also your choice. I'm not worried you'll turn abusive toward me because you haven't shown any sign of it after all these months - and if you did, I wouldn't stick around longer than it took to pack up my stuff. But you do have a lot of anger, and that isn't healthy for you, physically or emotionally."

Severus had never really thought about his anger; it was simply a part of him, of who he was. As long as he could remember, he'd been angry, because the only alternative was to be afraid, and he found that unacceptable. He was no one's doormat, and he had the feeling that was one reason why his father's beatings had been so severe; after he was about seven or eight, Severus simply refused to scream and beg for his father to stop. It was a battle of wills, and he knew that more than once, his mother had deliberately done something to pull his father's attention away from him in order to stop the beating. He could, in fact, remember many times when his father beating him turned into his father beating his mother.

He stood there for a while, Remus' hand a comfort on his shoulder, as his thoughts turned inward. Severus wasn't given to a great deal of introspection, because he simply accepted himself as he was. He'd never really thought about it before, or at least not since explaining to Remus about Hip-Hop, but in a way, his dance really was his form of therapy, the way he let out his pain so that he didn't internalize it. Severus wasn't generally comfortable with expressing his emotions, and until Remus, he couldn't think of a single time he'd actually told someone he loved them. He was absolutely certain about how he felt about Remus, and he realized that somewhere along the line, his feelings about his father had gone from raw hatred to pity and contempt. In a way, the man was trapped in a hell of his own making, and Severus had escaped it through sheer determination.

So, it seemed, had Eileen.

Sighing, Severus turned and wrapped his arms around Remus. He didn't want to think about it any more, not at the moment, but he knew he would again. One didn't overcome many years of denial in a single day. "I don't know if I want to see her," he murmured, holding tightly to Remus, wanting the reassurance of Remus' closeness. "But... I'll think about it. If she could manage to finally get away from him, I can at least promise to consider it."

Remus slid his arms around Severus and held him close, offering the reassurance Severus seemed to need; he understood what a difficult issue this was for Severus, and he knew it wasn't a matter that would be resolved quickly, but the first step had been taken.

"I'm glad," he murmured, nuzzled Severus' cheek affectionately. "I think it would help both of you heal if you could reconnect, and it would make me happy if one of us had an openly supportive parent."

Severus tightened his arms, leaning into the nuzzling and closing his eyes. "I hope that your father changes his mind... not for his sake, but for yours," Severus said quietly. Both he and Remus had lost certain connections in their lives, but they had each other, and Severus was determined to build that into something so fantastic that Remus wouldn't have to feel the loss. In fact, he knew just how to start.

Pulling back a bit, he looked down at Remus. "By the way, I've made a decision I think will interest you. I've gone ahead and transferred my credits to UCLA, but... I've asked for a delay. I'm going to take Tyson's offer to join the company after all, so you're going to be stuck with me every day both at home and work, it seems. Think you can stand it? Or could it be too much of a snarky thing?"

"Really?" Remus' face lit up with unfettered joy, and he pulled Severus into a bone-cracking embrace. "That's great news! It means we'll get to dance together after all." He pulled back, his expression growing more serious. "Are you sure this is what you want to do, though? All you've talked about since I've known you is getting your Ph.D. I don't want you to put that off for my sake."

Severus was relieved that Remus was happy about it, and he gave Remus a swift kiss. "Yes, I'm certain it's what I want to do. When I was driving back here from Atlanta, I realized that in a way, I was letting my father set the course of my life, as much as you were letting your father set yours - at least as far as your sexuality. I was pursuing that Ph.D. to prove something to him even more than to prove it to myself. I know I'm stubborn, and that I don't change my mind or my course easily, but... when I thought about not dancing with you again, about not sharing that aspect of your life every day as we've done for the last several months, it left me feeling empty. I do love to dance, and just because I never thought of making it a career before doesn't mean that I should let the opportunity pass me by now, right? I can always get a degree, but I won't always be able to dance with you. I've made my decision, and it's not for your sake - or at least not yours alone. Tyson said we have something very special when we dance together, and I think he's right. I want to do it."

"So do I." Remus framed Severus' face between his hands, smiling warmly, and he drew Severus into a lingering kiss. "We have something very special on and off the stage, and I want to enjoy every minute of it." He cocked his head, his smile turning playful. "Starting with those matador costumes, perhaps?"

Severus returned the kiss, pleased at Remus' response. They'd come through an incredible journey to get to this point, but the beauty of it was that they still had a very long way to travel, and it would always be together. He snorted at his own idiotic, soppy thought, then lifted a brow at Remus' expression.

"I think that's an excellent suggestion. We've not exercised today, other than moving boxes around, and it would do for Tyson's newest dancers to get out of shape, would it?" He put his hands on Remus' hips, and began to sway from side to side, grinning wickedly. "Although I suppose you want to change the choreography from what we did on the show, right? Perhaps a bit more floor work? Or a few added props, like... oh, a bed?"

Remus moved with him fluidly, a predatory gleam appearing in his eyes. "Props are always nice, but I don't really care where we perform the choreography as long as we work up a good sweat."

"I agree," Severus replied, and with that they began a very special, private performance, one where the steps didn't matter, and the words they whispered to each other afterward were far more rewarding than any amount of applause.


End file.
